Pissed off that the fuckenant kept on owning the sky and swooping UFOs down on the unsuspecting public, the UNSC's n00b sector took a Scorpion Tank tore its gun off and took away its macho bullshit and put a SAM(surface to asshole masher) on the thing. Since the X-Men Origins movie was so badass they named it the Wolverine even though it has no claws and sucks at killing anything but air.
The SAM is really a big box with spent paper towel tubes all over that shoot out tiny missles that mess up air. Like they say, small things can...I have no idea where I'm going with this. Since they're driven by n00bs they have horrible aim against mofo jets and MiGs. They suck fighting Vultures but can ball on UFOs and Stuka Dive Bombers. Whoever designed the anti-ground weapons is clearly retarded outta his fucking mind. The dumbest idea is the rock hurtler that throws rocks at you. That explains what it does, worthless.
Knowing its weapons suck the factory that makes Wolverines added a engine that rivals the speed of the GTA Cheetah car. The 'Wolf' can make a mad as hell run from any ground guy only to get screwed when it crashes into a streetlight, drives into the water, or careens off a mountain. Wolverines make many appearances at stunt shows, jumping the gap of New Mombasa right into the giant anus in the sky. Its fun as shit (not really) to form a dozen 'Wolves' into a line and have 'em race for the prize of getting pwnt first by a Scarab. The Wolverines have no choice but to race to die... they're gonna die soon anyhowz.
Using the same ways as the reactors, home depots can use power to teach those morons there to be better at modding Wolverines. The mod 'Spunker Fling' can give the tubes the capability to use a certain liquid from the local sperm bank to chug at ground n00bs, schools, and houses. It takes to frakin long to reload which makes no sense, its the bloody future so why does it take a million hours to reload a few rockets? That brain teaser is made dumber with the R3LOAD MAH R1FLEZ N0W Skull on. The last mod is the Brawny tube. All paper towel tubes are replaced by Brawny ones to bring down a bunch o' birds. Looking at these from the front they look like a pair of angry Asian eyes. These are better pwng weapons but surprisingly cost less then a damn human Frigate. That explains why noone bought the movie Friday Gate but millions bought X-Men Origins Wolverine. On Soviet Earth, Frigate buys you.