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Cquote11ma chargin ma 5plaz3r... wat? g4m3 0v3r 41r34dy?Cquote2
— random noob
Halopedia
For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on Weapon/Anti-Vehicle Model 6 Grindell/Galilean Nonlinear Rifle.
Cquote1IMA FIRIN' MA SPLAZE-popCquote2
— some noob with a splazer being shot by a sniper
Cquote1Galilean, Galilean, Galilean, is teh pw3nCquote2
— Freddy Mercury on the Spartan Laser
Cquote1IMMA CHARGIN' MAH LAZER!Cquote2
— XBL noob charging his laser
Cquote1IMMA STILL CHARGIN' MAH LAZER!Cquote2
— Still charging his laser several minutes later
Cquote1IMMA FIRERIN MAH LAZER !Cquote2
— XBL noob finally firing da lazar
Cquote1Sh00p da w00p!Cquote2
— XBL n00b firing his laser
LaSER

SPARTAN LAZAH!!!

Cquote1In Soviet Russia, Splazer fierz U!!Cquote2
— Yakov Smirnoff on the Splazer
Cquote1HEHEHE, look I brought a lazer into the theater, lets piss people off by pointin it at the screen!!!Cquote2
— A marine after completeing a tour of duty without knowin what the hell the lazers purpose really was...
Cquote1IMMA POINTIN' MAH CHARGED LAZER AT... *dead*Cquote2
— a dumbass noob
Cquote1IMMA CHARGIN' MAH LAZER!Cquote2
n00b charging his lazer, repeats phrase minutes later
Cquote1I can use it for exposition!!!Cquote2
— a politician...
Cquote1OMG WTF BBQ ITZ GOTZ NO MOAR AMOZ INNIT!Cquote2
— a n00b just realizing several hours later that the Splazer he was charging up had no ammo in it. Chances are the n00b wasted it on another n00b.

The Spartan Laser, more commonly known as the Really Heavy Weapon/Anti-Vehicle Model 666 Mega/BFG is one of the best, pwning UNSC weapons.

Although the laser is very powerful, destroying any person or vehicle in your path, most players avoid it due to its EXTREMELY LONG charging sequence, by which time, the flag has been captured (three times), the bomb armed(three times), and the noobs pwn3d you and raped your sister (three times). You wouldn't need an egg timer, you would need an egg calender. That's right, I went there.

The Spartan Laser works by sucking the gruntiness out of the air around it and concentrating it on your target. It takes a long time and a lot of power for the battery to take in the gruntiness and convert it to a laser beam, which is why it takes for ever to charge and can only be fired a few times. The laser also gets very hot for a few seconds, so if your quick you can roast marshmellows after firing it. Master Chief cooked many meals in the field with his laser.

It is believed that the laser is, infact, a lesser reincarnation of GOD'S-OWN-ANTI-SON-OF-A-BITCH-MACHINE, but this is unconfirmed. Sort'a. It is also believed that it is the little brother of the Jesus Gun. it may also be related to sentinel testicles, but simply strawberry instead of orange flavour

It is also believed that if you charge the weapon and run into someone it will blow up both of you, as you may have guessed this is completely pointless unless you are a noob. It is also a little known fact that it can make Swiss cheese. As in, it will make anything into Swiss Cheese.

A little known fact, Grunts designed this weapon, The Humans lied!


Weapons
UNSC
Melee Weapons: Kitchen Knife | Japanese Butter Knife | Taser Stick

Handguns: Comfortable Pistol | Another Comfortable Pistol | WTF no scope? | M6C/Suck em' | God's Sidearm | Safety Mode On | Trusty Sidearm | Trusty Sidearm 2: Gradius | Assassination Pistol | Carbine Pistol | Silenced Pistol | Orbital Airstrike

Automatic & Semi-Automatic Weapons: Bullet Hose | Silent Bullet Spitter | Insult to Rifles | Revised Insult to Rifles | Chronologically Confusing insult to rifles | The insult to rifles that actually kicks ass | Bee-Arr | Bullet Spammer | Another insult to rifles | Large Bullet Hose

Other: HEADSHOT! | Pest Control Tool | Mini Missile Silo | Rocket Lawn chair | Splazer | Campergun | Noob Obliterator | Crude Thumper rip-off | Supersonic Rail Exploder | Exploding Cake Detonator | Kill The Hydra

Grenades: Damn, no stickies | Bang Grenade | Ear Bleeder | "I embrace y'all with napalm..."

Covenant
Melee Weapons: Energy Shank | Hot Poker | Death Stick | Energy Shiv | Gravy Hammer | Monkey Fist | Monkey Shank

Other: Peashooter | Overheated | Angry Plasma Rifle | Overheater | Noobler | Larger Noobler | Long range Noobler | Nailgun | New Noob Combo | Rock Slinger | L337 5K1LL5 | Follow the pink light | Vacuum Quadlazer | Jelly Launcher | Semtex Blue Spider | Stick-rock | Fire in the Box

Heavy Weapons: Mini Blue Jelly Factory | Death impersonated | Godly Plasma Rifle | Huge Water Gun on Spaceships | Hax Gun | Smaller Hax Gun | Derp Gun | Magic Grenade Thrower

Forerunner
The Quadlazer | Zapper | Tracer Rifle | Yellow Light Spammer | Campergun's Retarded Brother | Triforce Gun | Promethean Glory | Forcefield | Bee Grenade

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