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War Chieftain

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800px-1216011427 War Chieftain

A Whore Chieftain aiming his White Horse at his reflection.

War Chieftains (or Whore Chieftains or simply WC, not to be confused with the MC), are one of the most useless types of apes in the hula hoop games. Useless as they are completely incapable of doing anything other than screaming incomprehensible jibber and ranting about the current state of the Fuckenant economy. They occasionally find time to do their job as slave drivers for turkeys.

Becoming A War Whore ChieftainEdit

Most Whore Chieftains are basically useless whores the Covenant employ as... "leaders" in rare occasions. Elderly Whore Chieftains are said to look for disciples in leading turkey legions against noobs due to being exhausted from their many years of sitting on a crushed lounge chair while eating fritos. The disciple is taught how to whore himself out to the testicle chins enough to make him give up on most other things a gorilla must do, such as plasma spamming. Once the disciple reaches this level of laziness he may move on to the Second Stage of Enlightenment.

  • A side note: There have been rare cases in which Brute disciples did not fall into a state of laziness and continued to want to make something of themselves. Such a thing was deemed impossible by the ancient gorillas. These disciples are then ban hammered from the zoo by a gravity spammer and forced to act as store mannequins for the latest Hunter armor available at Kohls.

Appearance (AKA Second Stage of Enlightenment)Edit

Gorillas that pass the first stage are then allowed access to the shiny golden armor that helps them stand out to snipers. They shine so bright that not even the Rookie has trouble finding them and he has trouble finding everything, from his team to the gun he is holding. The newly anointed Whore Chieftain is given a special helmet with a giant V on it. The helmet is roughly as large as a common grunt and is as shiny as a grunt with Gruntiness. Just a big "here I am, rock me like a hurricane!" The armor is not useful in any way. It is just very shiny and most brutes use it as compensation for something.

TacticsEdit

Whore Chieftains do not have much in the way of tactics when it comes to fighting. Their laziness usually gets the better of them. In some cases, usually as a result of a crack addiction, they will enter a state of psychedelic euphoria that makes them fire their white horses at anything that moves. Very few can survive this pwng, most Whore Chieftains that do it also don't survive due to also blasting themselves. The end result is usually a room filled with dead noobs and covies alike around the charred remains of the Whore Chieftain and his still firing guns.

1217439082 Brute Chieftain

IMA FIRIN MY WHITE HORSE!

1223827277 Chieftain

COME AT ME BRO!

7 Methods to Prevent Yourself from Getting OwnedEdit

>>>>These methods are made by MC Hammer himself'<<<<

1. Wear armor, any armor really.

2. Make Sure Cortana is not glitching on you like she did with me.

3. Do not be another Brute.

4. Never inhale Gruntiness because it is not meant for you.

5. Follow Bungie's 7 steps to world domination as written in the 7th Column.

6. Review the previous steps to be sure you are doing it right.

7. If you are a Grunt, ignore the previous steps. You don't need any help.

8. If you aren't a Grunt, screw yourself.

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