For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on Usze 'Taham.
Usze 'Taham

The awesomeness himself.

Cquote1Wort Wort Wortity Wort Wort WortCquote2
— Usze's most famous quote
Cquote1In Soviet Russia, Usze 'Taham plays as YOU!!!Cquote2
— Russian guide to Halo 3 co-op
— A Grunt on Usze
Cquote1*Quaking growl*Cquote2
— A Hunter on Usze
Cquote1Yo mama's so fat that, when she walks across the TV, she takes up a whole episode!''Cquote2
— A Brute on Usze
Cquote1SHUT UP!!!Cquote2
— Smosh on Usze

Usze 'Taham is a red assault armor wearing Xenomorph that nobody really gives a fuck about. But is playable in Halo 3 campaign co-op, that is if you are the fourth player. He doesn't have much of a story, so I shall give him one.



Usze as a youngling.

Usze 'Taham was born on a ghetto in Sangheilios, his mom smoked a LOT of dope (how much "a lot" is, is "a lot" for your little brain to handle) so its suprising that he's not retarded like this queer, his mom was also a huge slut so he had about 34 half-brothers (N'tho Sraom being one of them). So his life was pretty fucked up, so fucked up that he tried to kill himself by drowning himself in an ocean on Sangheilios but couldn't due to his helmet (hopefully people will get the Master Chief sucks at Halo 2 reference). But when he joined the Covenant his whole life changed, he was the happiest son of a bitch (literally) to walk the galaxy, that is, until the Xenomorphs found out that the hula hoop was a lie. Then he went all emo again, but instead of crying like a bitch, he got pissed, so pissed that he killed over 1,000,000 space monkeys. But his anger stopped when the Xenomorphs allied with these weird alien things which led to him meeting Miranda Keyes.

Relationship with Miranda KeyesEdit

When the Xenomorphs allied with the Humans, Usze fell in love with this bitch and had 3 beautiful half elite half human babies that kinda looked like this (should've worn a condom, Usze, for the love of god...). But she then dumped him for Mr. T which resulted in him being very pissed. He yelled "YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME, WE MADE CHILDREN YOU FUCKING WHORE!!!!". In result of this, he vowed to get vengance on Miranda after The Prophet of Faggotry was dead, but it seems the prophet killed Miranda before he got to, so everything worked out then.

Legal troubles on SangheiliosEdit

Usze, unlike the arbiter, was a str8 ganzta before he joined the covenant. Like I said before he lived in the ghetto. He was apart of a gang called (I don't know it's in Sangheilian. No, YOU go ask him about it. I don't want to get stabbed in the face for wasting his time.). His gangbaning and doing bad shit resulted in him getting the mark of shame just like the Arbiter. But he decided to redeem himself by joining the Covenant. Now every female dreams of his dick. But his criminal record still remains.

Feud with BungieEdit

Usze 'Taham and his half brother, N'tho 'Sraom, were pissed off when they finished the Halo 3 campaign and found out that neither of them were in ANY cutscenes. So they collaborated on a hip hop diss song aimed towards bungie known as "Ether". It is unknown if Bungie has responded to this yet.

Appearances in the Hula Hoop GamesEdit

Halo: Combat Evolved:Edit

Never seen or mentioned in this game.

Halo 2:Edit

Once again, never seen or mentioned.

Halo 3:Edit

Seen but never mentioned (playable character)

Halo Wars:Edit

Nope, not there.

Halo 3: ODST:Edit

Once AGAIN, never seen OR mentioned...

Halo: Reach:Edit

Obviously never seen or mentioned considering that Reach is an uber 1337 time machine that sends you back in time to before Reach got glassed.

Appearances on TVEdit

Usze never had his own TV show, but he acted on a numerous amount of shows, including Spongebob Squarepants, which actually launched his acting career.


  • His head inflates when he's saying something really smart or intelligent.
  • He has had sex with female humans OTHER than Miranda Keyes.
  • He DOESN'T liek mudkipz.
  • HE actually killed Tarter Sauce, the Arbiter just took credit for it, fucking asshole.
  • When he was born, he had a bit of Gruntiness in him.
  • He hates you and had sex with your mother.
  • His piss is green (imagine that).
  • He shits in noobs' faces
  • His armour is red because Miranda jizzed so much she ran out of jizz so she had to use her own blood instead.

Chuck NorrisCompute-whoreBadass MofoJohnson's BitchFlood Beach Ball1000x better than Captain KeyesWarthog Guy

Covenant/Covenant Separatist
E.T. Gone BadTartar SauceArbiturdRats in a Vacuum|Nothing's Wrong.Used ta' Go H.A.M. Over Leather-hamThat guy named after what made Jessi Slaughter cry.Prophet of SagginessBoss Battle #1Prophet of PimpsFemale Prophets Exist??Suck'a ZombieDem D-BagsThe Ugly TurkeyDa Crusadaz|Worms in your PieMORE worms in your pie...Gawd 'Allmyghtee
LightbulbCaptain Stinky BreathKing of GruntsYapyap the FirstAnother grunt with the Yapyap name"Pope" Yapyap IIITIDDLESThat Whiney Assfaced Jerk

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