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UNSC Marine Corps

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Halopedia
For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on The Universes Most Suckish Soldiers.
Cquote1Hold my beer and watch this!Cquote2
— Marine war cry.
Cquote1I thought I told you to die!Cquote2
— Marine talking to an Alien... A.K.A. MC.
Cquote1The Chief's dead? I'm just going to...eat my gun.Cquote2
— A marine after realizing that he killed the Master Chief
Cquote1MY MOM!!!Cquote2
— A Marine to a Random question

Marine Corps is an "elite" fighting force tasked to win the Human-Crapenant War

Bloodied marine

See all that blood? Yeah, that's from the asshole accidentally shooting himself. He's regarded as "awesome" among fellow marines

Images-399

Yup, the Human race is in the hands of these guys. Good choice, right?

You know, for an (not so) "elite" military force, these guys are pretty dimwitted. They like to bring out one liners and curses, but unlike real Marines, they don't use real curses, just the ones you would expect to see in a PG-13 action movie. They're like "yippie-kay-eh" without the "motherfucker". It has been well known that marines suck and are worth killing on a level with flood as all they do is make your job harder when they get AIDS. Almost all marines will wait for the Chief to come until they start fighting, and it seems as though they think of Master Chief as some fully armored Jesus.
Weird glitch

An example of a Marine that just went all Spongebob Squarepants on us


Marine Bend

Marines have been seen in paranormal issues and get possesed easily and start floating

In addition, you can give them weapons, like the Rocket Launcher. However this is rarely advised, as they like just love friendly fire. Oddly enough, to perhaps counterbalance their lack of brains, they have infinite ammo. So, for whatever reason, if you give them a Rocket Launcher with one round left, they magically have one hundred thousand rounds on hand, all waiting for the real enemy: the rest of their squad, and you. How nooby is that? If you give them a weak weapon, like the pistol, however, all they do is bitch and moan about it until the end of time. The Marines just have a stupid mindset that says "bigger is better" (giggity) which is stupid.

The current theory is that all Marines are inbred, or clones of one another, as there seems to be at least two Australian Marines in one level, and four Stackers in another and the same two female Marines no matter what, even if they die. It is also known that there are only four marines but they all have different voices.

Marines may be incompetent when fight along side you. But if you kill too many of your own men 10,000 guys pop out of nowhere with SMGs and shoot the brains out of you and it hurts like a shit. I wonder why they're better at killing you than killing Covenant... and their bulging muscles are actually because of damn steroids.

It is said that 100 skilled Marines could take out 5 passed out Brutes and a pickle, with only 75 casualties. Also, many marines have been known to be completely obliterated by Hunters, such as Igido Nosa Hurru. In this case, the marines were blown to pieces and stepped on by his inter breeding man/wife Ogada Nosa Fasu, leaving the Chief to attack them himself.

Other StuffEdit

Everyone needs to eat right, even Marines. So the UNSC has given every marine an MRE. Meals Ready to Eat. Although Marines hate this shit and would rather die than be forced to eat, they almost always kill themselves first.

There are other fat ass homosexual marines that suck their own dicks for semen, feeding their stomachs. Unfortunately a pissed off Elmo always kills them first.

Since the MREs contain a sexy picture of Cortana lap dancing and some have Cortana having sex, this has given a lot of Marines moral boosts helping survive some assaults. Marines actually made a hobby of colecting these pictures, and they trade them with others. But when a marine dies, that Cortana picture is always in a marine's pocket.

It is known that an idiot otherwise known as Sergeant Johnson once gave some marines a bunch of nukes. The marines later apologized to the ghost of Keyes as they had blown her up. She/he decided to let them live on the condition they attacked the master chief all the time. This is why they loooove friendly fire.

A marine once commented that master chief looked like a naked Jason Jones (as shown in the level halo). The chief cloned the marine and killed all the copies of him. These can be seen in the level crows nest. If you see a Ghost that looks like a marine, that's probably his ghost.

It also costs $10 and 2 seconds to train 4-6 marines.

They seem to be complete piles of rhino shit and deserve nothing more than to drive themselves off a cliff. Oh, wait, they covered that already.

Nuisance Invinsible Noobz Judged as AssholesEdit

The Good

  • You can beat them over and over and they never die. It helps relieve stress.
  • They are experts at running in fear.

The Bad

  • They are annoying.
  • They are invincible retarded.
  • They suck.
  • They have Autism and cannot tell whether chuck norris (master chief) is a covenant or not
  • They take all the heavy weapon.
  • LEFT you 4 DEAD.
  • They don't know how to drive.
  • They get owned and t-bagged by Grunts.
  • They don't pay attention in battle and they just masturbate to Cortana's pictures.
  • They would rather rape you then help you.
  • They love to drive aimlessly over cliffs.
  • They like to drive head on into wraiths and choppers.
  • Marines have really lame comments such as "Yeah Die!!" and "Fuck you mate!"
  • Marines are better with Covenant weapons. This is proven.
  • They are like gods when it comes to killing you...

A Marine's skills with a gunEdit

Lelz

Marines are known to get needles to the face on a regular basis

A marine's aiming skills has basically been described above in the paragraphs. So they suck at doing their job (killing the covenant) and are LIKE A BOSS at the opposite of their job (killing you). And somehow, they brag about how horrible some guns are, but they really don't know anything about the guns in the halo universe. Notice that they use

automatic machine guns like a Battle Rifle (proper use: rata rata rata rata rata rata rata rata rata rata... and so on, but they are like rata rata rata rata, pause and get hit, rata rata pause and get hit) and yet they complain all the time. The reason they get infinite ammo has been proven. The answer is that Bungie felt sorry for the marines because they programed their AIs horribly (they fire
Noob

I haz gun?

10,000 shots and only 2 shots hit if they're lucky, but on average, only 10 shots hit ever) so if they get limited ammo, they would die or just complain more about how less ammo they get. They also complain about the guns you can give them, and all they do is groan and nag and moan and bitch and shoot and miss EVERY TIME except for maybe once.

Friendly Fire Edit

Many gamers (noobs (unfortunely) included) state that Marines have an issue with friendly fire.

However, friendly fire from Marines does not exist.

Marines are are your friends.

(except this marine, he is your bitch )

But they are good at the Fuel Rod Gun and rarely the Needler.

They are also suicidal, as see in Halo 3 when that retarted ass Grunt sits in a corner with a pistol and forgets how to kill himself. All he does is piss and moan and bitch about how they took his lover, Micheal Jackson. He then eats his own shit and dies. What a bitch.

Quotes Edit

Cquote1JACKASS!Cquote2
— A cop crying at Dutch for killing his friend, and then shooting at himAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh grunt is trying to rape me
Cquote1My name is Francisco Monteque Zanzibar...Cquote2
— A marine all alone, except for the 500 Elites also in the room.
Cquote1I thought Brutes were supposed to be gay!Cquote2
— An unknown marine after a firefight with Brutes.
Cquote1Fire in the hole!Cquote2
— A marine "accidentally" throwing a grenade at Master Chief.
Cquote1I hope you enjoy this!Cquote2
— A Marine in a room alone with a Turkey
Cquote1One marine is not worth killing, but sticking one marine is.Cquote2
— Sergeant Pete Stacker
Cquote1Whoopeee!!!!Cquote2
— Marine after smacking you with the end of a Warthog
Cquote1GHOST RIDE DA WHIP!!!Cquote2
— Marine after joyriding through New Mombasa
Cquote1...Oops?Cquote2
— Marine after misfiring a rocket launcher into a wall and blowing up Master Chief and the marines around him.
Cquote1OorahCquote2
— Marine after blowing up his rescue pelican with a Scorpion Tank.
Cquote1Sorry!Cquote2
— Marine after running over the Master Chief
Cquote1KILL MARIN3Z!!!!Cquote2
Master Chief

Effectiveness in war.Edit

So true

Marines suck as drivers

Well whaddya think? These guys don't know how to pull a trigger. They're only advantage is if they have it on with The whore queen. They don't have a clue what they are doing and all they do is act really macho and then get shot in the face by a Insect whore. They suck balls when driving warthogs, and especially enjoy splattering the Chief.

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