FANDOM


Barracks

That's the starbucks barracks

Not the barracks

That's not da barracks

The barracks is the UNSC's excuse for a army training building that can (and must) be built at the bases in Failo Wars. Its was decided by the jerks on Earth to make it a n00b training facility instead of a more useful jet hanger for the f-16s. It is a worthless waste of 100 resources cause it cant train anything that can prevent the better Arbiturd or the Prophet of Lethal Injections from flattening it. Even a can of worms can pwn it. A friggin can of worms!

Why it was a Little CoolEdit

20 years after the barracks' arrived at planets that suck, the fucktards that used it all the time in 2v2 matches thought it could be transformed into a mobile Starbucks for God's troops who were always to tired to be of any use against the wasp onslaught. It failed epically when the Brutes wanted to use it as their own Starbucks. They stole it in the dead of night and brought it back to their base using poor little Grunts to carry it. The Starbucks barracks was renamed a Hall. God's troops watched in anger as the Brutes were sippin' tea and eating scones like the sissys they were in the barracks. In retaliation the marines stormed the Hall and captured the tea. They dumped it all on the heads of Brutes and Arbiturd. It became known as the Repository Tea Party. Although Brutes took it as an epic t-bag. In response the Covenant glassed Pluto< the gay dog.

War for the BarracksEdit

With the barracks back at 1000x better than Captain Keyes' base more were brought to the hellhole. As the new starbucks arrived the Brutes were protestin the arrival of the terrible human coffee. In an attempt to stop the barracks a choir of Jackholes were sent in to sing so aweful that the pilots of the pelicans carryin the barracks would run away. Instead the pilots' heads imploded and the pelicans went AWOL. The 2 pelicans flew over to the other side of the map and crashed into the brute base which collapsed. The PAC Cannon was used to splatter the Jackhole choir. The jackals were allergic to apples and all died. 3 members of the badass program arrived and pwnd the rest and took the barracks themselves. They were killed by AIDS who took the barracks and made it a major shithole in the Exile map. For the next 4 days the marines took fuck up after fuck up at Exile and got screwed up hard by a force of Ubers at the AIDS barracks. The AIDS wanted to open up the barracks and take the precious inside but they were to retarded to not cover the door in thick spunk. Gravemind yelled at God,"you will tell me what it hides or I will pwn these assholes and Earth". Noone could open it up, the spunk was to large. So the humans did what they always do when they cant win (all the time), they nuked Exile.

Final BarracksEdit

Later on the fuckenant had either blown apart or ate all the barracks left at Earth. 1 was left at Africa at the Crow's Breast. The humans did everything to keep the buttards away from their coffee. Everyday the humans made it something new and more offensive to keep brutes from pwng it. First it was a strip club, brutes are gay. Then a jerky factory, a public jackhole bath, then a movie theater for the movie Halo Mofo with Jesus staring Oprah Winfrey. They really fucked up when they made it a place for n00bs to play live at. The brutes were attracted to this discrace of epic proportions. A bunch o' brutes with some wasps and Jackhole wives penetrated Crow's Breast and pwnd the barracks. Everyone then died or ran away for their already dead mommas. No more of the barracks were built after this. Humans finally realised that they are in a depression cause they wasted their mofo money on a bunch of retarded n00b trainers. The galaxy wide riots against the barracks programs destroyed all the last barracks, then destroyed Earth, then the hula hoops, and then the universe. A Russian eyewitness quoted,"in Soviet Russia barracks still suck". The guys it can also very quickly train are n00bs(marines), Knaves(flamethrowers), Dillweeds(ODSTs), and Badasses.

Other UsesEdit

The barracks could also be used in other useful or down right stupid ways by warthog guy. It was also a n00b gas chamber, a HQ for those cowards, the club, pLace, the house for the Cleveland Show, the 1st insane asylum for Haters, a gay bar, a warehouse for God's colas, and a bloody alien zoo. Profit!

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.