For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on UNSC Army.
AV Johnson
This article is too damned short, Marine! You will help Gruntipedia by making it larger so it will fit the screen, fool!
Cquote1All your bases belong to us!Cquote2
— A random Grunt

The UNSC Army is an organization that works with the UNSC Navy, UNSC Marine Corps, UNSC Air Force, and all the other crappy organizations that start with UNSC. Not much is known about the UNSC Army, except that they're cowards and usually defend bases instead of being on the offense.


Their origin is long and pathetic. It starts as 10 cavemen keeping watch of the cave and then to 300 Spartans kicking Persian ass, later, it was a huge British squad of musketeers, eventually they were million troops with lots different guns working for the United Noobs Space Command. The United Noobs Space Command wanted someone to defend all the bases and protect the cake. No one really wanted to stay in one place without action *wink* *wink*, so the noobs promised to make all bases have AC, lunch rooms, and all that Gruntiness, thus creating the lazy people who stay in fortified bases, eating Grunts and watching television all day.


UNSC Army aren't actually very well trained. They're given a training DVD, a "uniform," a few rusty cartridges, and a gun and are expected to fight. Once the Army guys watch the DVD, they report to the IAO (ineffective army officer) where they are told to work out for at least sixty seconds. Most soldiers thought that meant masturbating. The UNSC Army was described as "the most ineffective fighting force in existence. All they do is get shot and whack off." Which is mostly true.

Armor and WeaponsEdit

Since the Army isn't as famous as these assholes, they get crappy DMR's that jam constantly, almost no ammunition, and shitty vehicles that have almost no fuel. Since their life span is usually limited to a couple minutes, they're given Wal-Mart uniforms painted khaki and some sunglasses. UNSC Army is also equipped with state of the art socks and underwear, so they can absorb foot fungus, urine, and AIDS when attacked. UNSC Army soldiers usually have shotguns, and you'll see why in a minute.Oh, they also have rocket launchers, the only reason these assholes get a kill.


Since the UNSC Army mainly defends bases (cardboard boxes with little crayola drawings) from the Covenant, they are given close quarters weapons, such as the shotgun. As a result, most UNSC service men camp around corners and in dark areas where they wait for some poor Grunt to come in and be shot constantly. However, due to poor training, if the first guy who shoots misses, the soldic and spam grenades. Really. The second reason there is a UNSC Army is because of how much they fucking spam grenades. They rack up constant kills because of their spamming. That is, of course, if they don't run out of grenades. Then, they're screwed. Oh, the Army uses warthogs. But they can't drive. Or aim. Or sit correctly.


You get seven cents if you live for about two years.

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