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The Covenant

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Covenant!

Primitive members of the Covenant.

AV Johnson
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Halopedia
For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on The Aliens with the racist Religion.
Cquote1Your world will burn until it's surface is but glass, and not even your demon can save you... How was that? Was that too menacing?...what? Oh, the mic is still on.Cquote2
— Prophet of Truth to the people of Earth
Cquote1Beware! Our Grunts will pwn your pathetic excuse for a species and we will rule the universe!Cquote2
— Prophet of Truth, scaring the crap out of the Humans
Cquote1On the blood of our fathers, on the blood of our sons, nieces, cousins, mothers, sisters, ancestors...Cquote2
— A line from the Covenant oath
Cquote1The thousand nations of the Persian Empire Covenant descend upon you!Cquote2
— Prophet of Truth to the people of Earth
Cquote1Be afraid. Sparta Earth will burn to the ground! Oh...wait...Cquote2
— Prophet of Truth to the people of Earth
Cquote1Our Banshees will block up the Sun! ...you know, when we build that many Banshees. We're working on it, OK?Cquote2
— Prophet of Truth to Johnson

The Covenant, also known as the EPA (Environmental Pulverization Association), and cool people The Republican National Tea Party Convention, are the main enemy in the Halo universe, next to the grand assholes that started this whole crap, and the flood. They are a cult who believe that Aliens known as the Forerunners have become Gods by firing the Hula Hoops, essentially making them scientologists.

The Covenant do not agree with our humanly ways of 0wning n00bs, so they decided to glass all of our shit.

Species in the Covenant army Edit

There are many dumbasses species in the Convention, most of them were owned/slaughtered/capped in the ass by Daddy Cool and your role model

Their role in the Covenant is mainly politics as they blabber on their floating wheelchairs about Carbon taxes and shit like that.

Even though they are important to the Covenant, they are not armed, they have to have one of their Bitches to die so they can take their weapons. (Interesting fact, the first Testicle Chin was called Father Grigori).

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  • Unggoy: The greatest things ever created, Unggoy are often called Grunts by the humans as Grunts always grunt when they get dry humped (The human who discovered this was very, very horny).

Grunts have lulz god like power due to a disease magical wisdom they are all born with known only as Gruntiness.

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  • Sangheili: Total badasses, they were the only reason (if you exclude Grunts) that the Covenant was winning the battle of Derps and Uglies. The Sangheili species has many names, most notably the Elites, split jaws, Xenomorphs and 1337s.

The Covenant betrayed them so they joined the UNSC, therefore renaming the war from 'The battle of Derps and Uglies' to 'The battle of Derps with Uglies and Uglies'.

Eliteness is the Elite version of Gruntiness, while it does not compare to Gruntiness, it is still powerful.

One Elite was born with both Eliteness and Gruntiness as his mother was an Elite and his real, natural father was a Grunt.

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  • Kig-Yar: Kig-Yar are never EVER called Kig-Yar, they are called Jackals, Jackasses and Turkeys. Seriously, they are literally space turkeys, with guns.

Jackals are annoying shitheads whose eyes are larger than their brains. They are cowards by nature and only fight if they have Beam Rifles.

Their architecture is identical to a skinny and tall Turkey with a vertically squished skull.

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  • Skirmisher: A Jackal's version of a Spartan, they look like mad Jackals who stay up late at night until their eyes are read, they are giving steriods and are insanely agile.

If you thought Jackals are annoying, then wait until you meet Skirmishers. I am only glad that they became extinct during the events of Halo: Reach.

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  • Jiralhanae: The Viralvideohannamontanaanuses are just pretty 'effed up creatures, yes, I said "creatures". You cannot give them the title of an alien because they are all just shitty
  • they too are NEVER EVER reffered to by their species' name, they are known as Brutes, Monkeys, Hippoes, Fatties, Dumbasses, Dumb shits, Shitheads, Ugly pieces of shit, Pissers, People who no one likes, hairy turd, furries and Demented-dickless-brainless-fuckless-everythinggoodless Tumors.
  • Brutes have no friends, no one likes them, they are disgusting.

Brutes are filled with rage and have dampened intelligence, speaking of rage and intelligence, their brains are like batteries, not big batteries you put in your 360 controllers, I mean like batteries from McDonalds electronic games.

  • They can't use enough power for anything usefull, they drain really quickly and no one cares to recharge them. When the brains of Brutes drain, they have spas attacks on steroids everywhere in their body and become out of control monsters.
  • They go all fucking RAGE and try to kill everything they see by punching it or showing it's dampened intelligence via headbutting. This is most commonly seens when one strips a Brute of it's armor as this can speed up the process.
  • They are terrible bodyguards.

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  • Mgalekgolo: Mgalekgolo, also known as Hunters, Cans of worms, Mega Legos and tall blue guys that shoot radioactive snot can be atleast appreciated. They have many fangirls and smash things like a boss.

They are all angry, they are all hungry and they love blowing things up, preferably by shooting at them or punching them really hard.

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The only other thing you need to know about them is... well, the worms I guess...

________________________________________________________________________________

  • Bill Clintons. Oh wait, why is he here?

Covenant's PurposeEdit

The Covenant's overall plan in life is to do the Hula Hoop which would end up boring us all. When the Humans tried to tell them that, the Covenant got mad and attacked Earth. The Covenant see the Forerunners as Gods, despite knowing almost nothing about them. The covenant get into a lot of fights with each other, release AIDS on planets by "accident", and are lead by Prophets who also get in fights with themselves. They have an obsession with coloring all their vehicles purple. I wonder why purple (color of grapes) although the Elites like green (still color of grapes). Although after the Covenant fell they searched for a new purpose then they found out that the remaining ships in their army could "Glass" the Prophet of Cats [the last Prophet] decided they would go into Window fitting This ended the Covenant empire and turned it into the Wannabe Windows company and ripped off the galaxy the end.

The Starting of the CovenantEdit

The whole Covenant thing started when 4 Prophets were booted from their home-world for being different. Their names were Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde but they thought there names were too gay so changed them to Truth (who always lies), Mercy (who has no mercy) , Regret (who regrets getting uber pwned by the Master Chief), and Chuck (who was to scared and ran away and we never heard from him again). He supposedly was killed by Jenkins.) They decided to do something useful so they decided to form an alliance of all the other alien races that were banished from their home worlds and start a successful Grape harvesting company. This failed. Then the four original Prophets decided they were going to worship somebody and then do something stupid that would end up killing them all. They eventually found a Hoola-hoop thingy. They thought it looked cool and started to research it and it's ancient history. One big reason that convinced MANY alien races to join the Grape Growing Allegiance was the constant rumor of being able to swing the Alpha Halo around their hips like a hoola hoop. They found that there was AIDS living on one of the hula-hoop thingys and thought it was a good idea to let it loose by losing their virginity(thus causing them to be infected) on one another. One of the four original prophets, Chuck, died due to this. The 3 remaining prophets let the AIDS loose then high-tailed it off the hoola-hoop and went around space putting fliers up about the Covenant. After a few thousand years some races joined, like the Grunts and Squid Lizard things. Later, the Monkey guys joined, but were soon gotten rid of. Nobody liked them anyway. A couple hundred years later, they found Earth. The Covenant thought they were too cool for the Humans so they got mad and started a war with the Humans. Little did they know that they were retarded because they would all get killed by the master chief(HEEHAAAH

The Covenant
Testicle Chins | Xenomorphs | The big fluffy ones | Mods
Rockeaters (Those huge bastards with big guns) | Gigantasaurus Neverappearus
Space Wasps | Sniper Turkeys (Spartan Turkeys) | The little cute ones

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