- YOU WANT TO FEEL GOOD?! You want to smoke in military and no feel ashamed? Put down that crappy Newport and pick up this... new brand of cigar for you! I already smoked four of these and I'm now seeing ten Brutes instead of ten Grunts! HAHAHAH!
- — A crazed Marine advertiser on the Sweet William
- Now I can finally smoke in every Halo thing ever made and not feel like an addict
- — Jesus on the Sweet William
Sweet William Cigars act as the only type of legal drug Humans can abuse in Halo. Seriously its practically the only thing either than a dick that you see in a Marine's mouth. Its not like they have a choice. There's no other type of cigar or cigarette out there so they have to stick with these crimes against taste buds. They taste aweful despite their name. The name Sweet William was adopted when a guy named Ol' Willy took a smoke of it and died instantly. Upon dying a stream of feces pooled up around him that smelled like cotton candy (another drug that adds a sweet scent to your crap). Thus Sweet William became the name.
Sweet Williams are the only things keeping Marines in the battle. If they run off then they'll be forced to smoke a pack of them or be yelled at by Jesus while he smokes one. Having that smoke fly in your face will make you wonder "why did I trade crack for this?" Simple. The main purpose of Marines is to betray the MC and annoy him to the brink of insanity. Crack just wasn't doing it. So the Union of Noobish Squishy Cigars poured a barrel of Sweet Williams on MC and told the Marines he was the source of the William infestation. Betrayals became more common afterwards.
Somehow, the Marines found out MC didn't cause the Sweet William plague. It was actually the Sweet Williams themselves. What a shocker. The entire Marine Society and some Covenant grabbed every Sweet William in the galaxy and dumped them in New Mombasa. They then set it on fire. Big mistake. The fire released a dreadful scent of Sweet William smoke that sent all of Africa into quarantine. Half-Jaw then rained death on Africa to prevent the smell from spreading. The storm of smelly horror had passed.