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Skirmisher

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For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on The Jackal's Version of a Spartan.
Cquote1Squawking Squawk Squawker!Cquote2
— A Skirmisher on everything.
Cquote1OH GOD CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Cquote2
— skirmisher after looking in the mirror
Skirmisher01

A Skirmisher trying to find a hiding spot

Skirmisher farmer

A farmer Skirmisher

The Covenant Skirmisher, also known as Buzzards and The Annoying Bitches Who Think they're Gods With A Rifle are a brand new Covenant slave that appear in Halo: Reach. They are the unofficial stepdads of the Jackholes that only decided to appear in the best game of Halo times. Easily noticeable, they are part Jackal - part gremlin- part gay lord. Most of them died out, except one, after being abondoned on Reach and glassed by their own side.

Physical CharacteristicsEdit

Skirmishers are the ugliest Jackals ever (that's saying something) and therefore like to cover up their hideous faces with masks and bags from Kroger. They were all picked on in high school, and they often ran away instead of fighting back, so they can run really fast as a result. Skirmishers are the Covenant's best snipers, since they are given extreme aim-bots (also, nobody else wanted to be a sniper.) Not to mention, if you ever see a Skirmisher, you should kill it fast, and eat it. Why? One, they're delicious, and two, those little fucks run fast.

AbilitiesEdit

"Wa-BAM! No Scoped BIOTCH!"

---A Skirmisher engaging in their typical assholery

Skirmishers run very slow VERY F&#KING FAST. This is because they failed the moon walk at Michael Jackson's School of Freaks, so they try to do it with no training and move forward real slow had the majority of the steroids injected into them only affecting the legs so they run at the speed of a grunt infused with super gruntiness. They like to use Plasma Pistols to light up the night with wannabe fireworks and are total failures when using rifles. To put it short, no special abilities have been encountered certain ones have the ability to create holograms of themselves to lure noobs into a trap so the skrimisher can kill him with no effort (and cause the noob to hiss in anger). Also they have the ability to change their size and body temperature which are both shown in the winter contingency mission. In addition, they 'LOVE TO F&#KNIG PISS YOU OFF. Therefore, end his pathetic life as soon as possible, preferably with a headshot.
O RLY

A Confused Skirmisher...

Role in the CovenantEdit

Skirmishers are wannabe Kroot, they tried to help the Kroot (AKA their role models) by joining forces with the Tau Empire. They dont have the ability to melee so they were useless to the Tau and so joined the Covenant. In the time of B.R. (Before Reach) Skirmishers were the clowns of the Covenant. Used as pinatas for young Grunts and as a hunting target for Elites. In fact, the entire Covenant occaisionally hunted Skirmishers on St.Point n' Shoot Day in order to decrease how many Skirmishers crapped on Covenant cars and other vehicles. In the final days before Reach, Skirmishers were used as living donkeys for pin the tail on the donkey games, farmers, and spat at by Jackals. The Skirmishers would yell to the Jackals "WTF was that for? I thought we had an agreement." The Jackals would then say "You're not my father!" Reach came soon afterwards...


ReachEdit

During the Battle of Reach, the Covenant did their best to get rid of the Skirmishers. They put them in escape pods and jettisoned them toward the planet, hoping the escape pods would crush a few humans. However, thousands of Skirmishers survived the crash-landings, and proceeded to jump around Reach, shooting up the place. Skirmishers enjoyed being assholes to little dogs, little kids, and little squirrels. They would often shoot at unarmed humans, and ran away from the armed ones. 

FateEdit

After Reach got burned to a toasty crumb, the Skirmishers were going to be sent to Earth to annoy the living shit out of everyone on the planet. Nobody wanted to hang out with the Skirmishers (they're kind of assholes), so every Skirmisher that was living during the time was put on a Assault Carrier, and flown to Earth with lots of hungry Elites. Within a total of five seconds, the Elites rounded up the Skirmishers and committed genocide, since the Elites were bored, hungry, and annoyed. One Elite, named Poppers, recorded this event in the bestselling book "List of events that will give you an erection".

There was a last male, who escaped the huge fuck-up on Reach and the mass genocide, only to unwillingly be castrated and have his genitalia donated to the Prophet of HugduimG'ashgar'mentakein'Grunt. Unfortunately he did not survive the operation, and his body was used as a ragdoll to entertain bored grunts for a decade to come. Also, the skirmishers can do 100 blowjobs in under 10 seconds! Shoop Da Whoop!

Cquote1There has never been a day when the Elites have felt more joy then when we slaughtered those fucking birds! We rounded them up, and slashed them to tiny bits bits and peices! The surviviors were hunted down, and jettisoned from the airlock into the sun, where they were barbecued into some great sandwiches!Cquote2
— Opening of said book

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