The badass motherfucker is in your bed right now with Veronica,

— The Rookie

The Rookie is the coolest man around. If he is a man at all. If he takes off his helmet, he'll die, because he is actually an Elite that was mutated. The Rookie does not talk because he always has a chode in his mouth. (eww...)

Rookie and the VirginEdit

Rookie, Buck, Dare, and Vergin were in the elevator. Dare kissed Buck, the Rookie looked over at Vergin, feeling really horny. He fucked his brains out, and now Vergin is just called "in"

Rookie and DareEdit

When he was fucking the brains out, Dare says, "You aren't really a Rookie, are you?" In fact, the Rookie was an old porn star, and that is why he is so good at teabagging.

Early LifeEdit

The Rookie was born with the name James Doe and for some reason he is called the Rookie and his rank is Lance Corporal. He was born somewhere in the NoDataonthis Sector in the N/A Galaxy which is near Phoenix, the planet where Kurt-58 died because he failed English. He was abused as a God-Awful Demonic-faced Creature child because he had many scars from birth. The Rookie was raised by hippos in the wild African jungle...they were hungry, hungry hippos! When he was six he was drafted into the UNSC ODST Ominous Dangerous Sex-crazed Troopers Orbital Drop Shock Troopers academy. He just loved busting Mendez's balls. Until the one day he put on the Unarmored, tight, small shirt thick, easy to run in ODST Plastic Costume Armor.

ODST LifeEdit

He was later sent to Reach were he was greeted by a royal kick to the ass. It was there that he grew into a Murderous Sharpshooting Short Adult, and was put into Dare's squad, along with Buck and Dutch, two former Rebels-turned UNSC Marines. He was sent on missions varying from his ass getting kicked, to his ass getting raped. He had sex with Dare and got his ass kicked yet again by Fillion, famous for inventing the Radar Jammer. He had fought the Covenant during the Attack of the Clones Spartans. He had then been sent on a Free Roam mission to "Your Mom's assa". He met a construct called the Superintendent, who gave him directions to Veronica Dare's ass. The Superintendent was left behind to be raped by a giant purple blob of slime. The Rookie came back for the giant blob of slime and took it back to base. He was then injured by a paintball round from a Covenant airsoft rifle to his leg. The Rookie got teleported to Installation 05, stalked Miranda Keyes, tried to kill Johnson by pushing him to the horde of popcorn, and tried to kill Tartar sauce.


"During the battle of Omaha Mombasa, The Rookie, James, single-handedly got shot in the leg by a Pink-Colored Covenant Airsoft Rifle, being shot by a Grunt, and then his spine was crushed by a Drinol."

Later LifeEdit

The Rookie remained an ODST, but was promoted to the rank of Captain. He then had More sex with Dare, and got his ass kicked three consecutive times by Fillion.

Rook' lost the betEdit

While sleeping with dare the next time, she made a bet. She knew she'd win, and no one knows what the bet was. However, The Rookie was forced to remove his helmet. As he removed it, he was fucked by Dare. Since Veronica was the one who fucked him, Fillion could find no reason to kick the Rookie's ass. But The Rookie, after being fucked, Dare no longer went out with Fillion, and The Rookie was never free and was dubbed Unforgiven by Malcom. Malcom decided he couldn't blame Rookie when it was himself he couldn't forgive.

Rookie no longer a RookieEdit

Rookie soon became a Veteran. But since he was only called the Rookie, he knew no other name now. He became and Independent ODST, but was slowly going insane along with the Rest of Dare's squad whenever he heard the phrase "Keep It clean!"


  • He is sometimes called The Bookio, mostly by Samoans (In Samoa, Bookio means ass and sometimes shit).
  • He is actually JFK, but he travelled into the future to assassinate the assassin that was born in the future that went into the past to assassinate JFK.
  • He punched the Master Chief in the face, but being his dad, the Chief forgave him.
  • The Rookie has actually died a lot of times but when he arrives at hell, the devil is too scared to let him stay, so he sends him back up to totally rape some more retarded covenant just by looking at them.