For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on Reach.
Cquote1O noes der gonna glass teh planot!!! Gawd helpz us!Cquote2
Johnson being a lazy chump
Cquote1 Hahhaha this is gonna be funnn.Cquote2
— Some random elite no one cares about who is about to glass the planet.
Cquote1O SHIT!!!!!!!Cquote2
— Masterchief learing about the Glassing of reach.
Cquote1Tha Spartans B dead on Reach? YAYZ PromotionCquote2
Kernel Ack whatever. He was a total noob and I think he died.
Cquote1OH th4tz is ins4n3. Dis b3 de 3nd 0f 4ll d4yz. NOOOOO!Cquote2
— A retarded Noob on Reach
Cquote1Who the hell names an entire damn planet Reach? These assholes deserve death!Cquote2
— Lord Grunt, when he finds out about Reach, and the real reason he glasses it.

Reach was a kinda major colony place.


As the Covenant bullies the little Reach, the Pillar of Autumn runs it.

Located in the some random Star System, Reach was one of the best houses for the UNSC, and the main supplier of drugs and such. Originally colonized for its rich tobacco deposits, Reach has mines throughout it, running thousands of meters deep.

CASTLE base was locatead on Reach underneath some piles of dirt. Spartans first began their training with this rich in soil dirt. The facility was blown to somewhere after gettin' glassed.

After about a day of intense battle, Reach got owned with only a small (but actually large) ship escaped called the Pillar of Autumn (IRONY) filled with useless assholes Marines, Sarge Johnson, the Master Chief, Captain Keyes, Lieutenant Lock, Ronald Mcdonald, Cortana raping MC, Burger King, and Wendy's. While they are on a huge ship watching Pokemon 4 ever, the rest of the civilians and marines on Reach are getting death sticks stuck in their asses.

Destruction Edit

Fall of Reach

The Fall or Reach

Reach got served or something by the Elites. Lord Grunt, who was in charge of burning the place, laughed his ass off since Reach was one of the poorest defended human colonies - ever. Although they had n00ble six who got his spartan hemet handed to him on a silver platter without his precious n00ble team, no one cared so they all were like "Okay, let's leave the planet 'cause we can't attack them with our Marines. The UNSC Marine Corps were sad after their little reach got bullied by the covenant and they did not want to go back because the covenant semen was all over it.

Deaths Edit

UNSC Deaths Edit

  • Fleet Admiral Major Mittens (Alive, but severely injured)
  • Anti MAster CHIEF
  • Master Sergeant Billy
  • Sergeant Major Bob
  • Sergeant Parker
  • Lieutenant Ups
  • Lieutenant Downs
  • Corporal Second Class Lance
  • Private First Class Wallace A. Jenkins
  • 1001 noobs :D...its still not all of em :(
  • Yo Mama
  • A kitten *siffle*
  • OVER 9000 other marines
  • Mah Boi (parents were youtube poop fans)
  • The entire crew of USS Voyager.
  • The entire managment of nolands intergalactice house of pancakesIntergalactic house of pancakes.
  • Your mom
  • some random guy
  • some random guy's mom

Covenant Deaths Edit

Grenades Edit

The grenades use by marines and spartans in the battle of reach have been scientifically proven to be more dangerous the soulja boy's singing and hippos combined, in fact if you chuck a grenade at someone, chances are he'll get grenAIDS and be forced to shit from his mouth for the rest of his life. Even chuck norris shits his pants and runs like a girl when someone chucks a grenade.

Trivia Edit

  • Reach was barely mentioned in the bits that matter and just there to keep the story going and was forgotten.
  • Reach is an anagram for no-one-cares-about-this-place.
  • Reach was barbequed glassed.
  • Reach farted so bad it made veggies grow on a planet filled with water that eventually was known to be Earth.
  • Reach was home to the n00ble team who got their helmets handed to them by a bunch of pussy grunts.
Some planet named after a pokemon | One with grass and water and a lot of pollution | The planet that gets glassed | A good place to harvest drugs | Once in a brute moon

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