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Reach

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For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on Reach.
O noes der gonna glass teh planot!!! Gawd helpz us!
— Johnson being a lazy chump
Hahhaha this is gonna be funnn.
— Some random elite no one cares about who is about to glass the planet.
O SHIT!!!!!!!
— Masterchief learing about the Glassing of reach.
Tha Spartans B dead on Reach? YAYZ Promotion
— Kernel Ack whatever. He was a total noob and I think he died.


As the Covenant bullies the little Reach, the Pillar of Autumn runs it.

Reach was a kinda major colony place.

Located in the Some Random star system, Reach was one of the best houses for the UNSC, and the main supplier of drugs and such. Originally colonized for its rich tobacco deposits, Reach has mines throughout it running thousands of meters deep.

CASTLE base was located on Reach underneath some piles of dirt. Spartans first began their training with this rich in soil dirt. The facility was blown to somewhere after gettin' glassed.

The only reason that Reach got raped and glassed is because the president of reach lost in a game of mahjongg to the Covenant. The original deal was which ever sides lost gets all their women raped and their men caned in the nut sack. After the Covenant won, they saw how small the guys balls are and how there were no strait women, so they got mad and started to bully the humans. After about a day of intense battle, Reach got owned with only a small (but actually large) ship escaped called the Pillar of Autumn (IRONY) filled with useless assholes marines, Sarge Johnson, the Master Thief, Captain Keys, Lieutenant Lock, Ronald Mcdonald, Burger King, and Wendy's. While they are on a huge ship watching Pokemon 4 ever, the rest of the civilians and marines on Reach are getting death sticks stuck in their asses.

Contents

[edit] Destruction

Reach got served or something by the some enemies that attack Master *beep* and stuff. No one cared so they all were like "Okay, let's leave the planet 'cuz we cant attack them with our guys that don't help 'The Chief'.

The Fall or Reach

[edit] UNSC Deaths

  • Fleet Admiral Major Mittens (Alive, but severely injured)
  • Master Sergeant Billy
  • Sergeant Major Bob
  • Sergeant Parker
  • Lieutenant Ups
  • Lieutenant Downs
  • Corporal Second Class Lance
  • Private First Class Wallace A. Jenkins
  • 1001 noobs :D...its still not all of em :(
  • Yo Mama
  • A kitten
  • private ollie tabooger
  • yo Mama's Mama
  • yo Mamas Mamas Mama

[edit] Covenant Deaths

[edit] Trivia

  • Reach was barely mentioned in the bits that matter and just there to keep the story going and was forgotten.
  • Reach is an anagram for no-one-cares-about-this-place?
  • Reach was glassed?
  • Reach farted so bad it made veggies grow on a planet filled with water that eventually was known to be earth?

[edit] See Also

Planets
Some planet named after a pokemon | One with grass and water and a lot of pollution | The planet that gets glassed | A good place to harvest drugs
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