Prophet of Truth
From Gruntipedia
Does Truth know that the glyphs on his headdress read "I desire young males"?
- — A Forerunner on Truth
- I... 4m... TRuth! Th3 v0IC3 0f Th3 K0v3N4Nt!
- — Truth on himself
- YES pump it pump it
- — Truth with 5 brutes
The Prophet of Truth was a lowly pimp in Covenant society, yet popped three gangsters, Tolerance, Obligation and Restraint to get to power, as a High Prophet. He is also the head of the African Society of Man Whores(ASMW), with millions who worship him. He laughs with scorn. Over time, he has had a string of successful book deals, chronicling his rise of power through lowly cleric to Master of the Sith Order. He is also the author of (shudder) the Great Covenant Book of Jokes, which is also, disturbingly, a biography.
[edit] Biography
Truth, aka. Darth Tom Cruise XVI, started life as a lowly noob marine. With his homeworld under the brutal occupation of Brutes, he did the only natural thing: He fought them, eventually rising to become the head of the entire world. He left the planet to its constant wars in order to realize his ambitions of become a leader of the sith, but his string of affairs and realisation that he was just too powerful put a stop to that. In anger, he realised that instead of a benevolent and merciful pontiff he should instead rise to become a brutal and genocidal dictator.
After winning the 2008 US elections, narrowly beating out Barrack Obama in the finals and taking Hillary Clinton as his Sith apprentice, he used America as his playground, quickly forcing an underground resistance to turn to Britain for aid. In revenge for seventy years of arrogance, they turned their noses up, until they realised that this was exactly what the French were doing to them. Truth realised the imminent invasion of the UK, and set out defeat them once more. (note: French are descended from Brutes)
He was eventually released from an argentinian prison on parole for good behaviour, and immediately set new plans into action. He pretended to have a religious conversion, entering the ASMW, eventually rising to the position of Head Pimp of China. During his stint as a holy man, numerous children laid complaints of sexual violation, but he was eventually found innocent after a personal inquiry by then-Perfecto Pimp Mercy. After Mercy's death at the hands of Al Qaeda, Crews superceded him, seizing swift and immediate control of the ASMW, and declaring all non-believers to be heretics. Nobody cared. In frustration, Truth left Earth, vowing vengeance.
He later turned up, ravaged by centuries being lost on a forgotten Brute world, in charge of a tiny backwater groups called the Covenant. He led a genocidal war against some humans, but was killed by some dude. Nobody remembers him.
[edit] Recent Diss Song
The recent fastest selling song 'Whatever You Hate' featuring T.I. is the fastest selling song in the Covenant. It starts when a Grunt goes to McDonalds and get stabbed by a Energy Sword for being a 'fag'. The song starts when Master Chief and Arbiter laugh at him and drive away in there Lamborghini. Just like when Truth died. Then T.I. starts to sing: "You can have Whatever You Hate! *laughs* Just like the piece of bate...Truth."
| Characters | ||
| UNSC | ||
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Chuck Norris | Compute-whore | Badass Mofo | Johnson's Bitch | Flood Beach Ball | 1000x better than Captain Keyes | Warthog Guy | ||
| Covenant | ||
| E.T. Gone Bad | Tartar Sauce | Arbiturd | Rats in a Vacuum | That Baller | Prophet of Sagginess | Boss Battle #1 | Prophet of Pimps | The Real Prophet of Haters | Female Prophets Exist?? | Suck'a Zombie | Dem D-Bags | The Ugly Turkey | ||
| Other | ||
| Lightbulb | Captain Stinky Breath | King of Grunts | Yapyap the First | Another grunt with the Yapyap name | "Pope" Yapyap III | TIDDLES |
