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- Sir! We are out of ammo for the MAC Cannon!
- — A weapons officer on a Destroyer.
- Damn! Fire up the PAC Cannon!
- — The captain of the Destroyer.
- Do we even have a PAC Cannon?
- — The weapons officer.
- Yeah! Why do you think we have a big-ass bakery, a gaint metal tube that usually does nothing and magnetic Pie tins?
- — The captain
The Pie Accelerator Cannon often replaced the Magnetic Accelerator Cannons on UNSC Vessels.
WTF!?! A Pie Gun!?Edit
A PAC (Pie Accelerator Cannon) Cannon is a weapon that is made just for the funny task of shooting pies at objects. It is used for training engineers who are going to build MAC cannons and Mini-MACs. The pies are pulled out of the PACs by big magnets. The metal is on the pies' metal tin. If they hit you, they aren't going to cause a whole lot of damage. Besides embarrassment, the target will be fine. It is popular with the Navy and Marine crews in the UNSC navy. It is used primarily to cream the officers of the ship.
Back in the 22nd Century, when Clowns weren't considered Psychopathic tormented torturers of children (despite overwhelming evidence), Clowns would use PAC Cannons to shoot pies at random people in the audience. This was always considered funny, until the fateful day somebody just went too far. That was the day a clown used BOILING NACHO CHEESE instead of a pie. The Clown fired it...and burnt 200 children's eyes out. Chuck Norris got mad and turned the clown into a Nacho, covered in solidified Nacho cheese, and shot it into space, where it split Chuck Norris's Frigate in half, when it was trying to escape Hula-hoop 00 to get back to the Home of the Oversized 'Twinkie Wiener Sandwich' to watch the UNSC Navy vs. Marine Corps Football game (which the lumpy, midget football ended up winning. A random UNSC Marine ran up and shot the Grunt with a Rocket Lawnchair. It was a sad day for the whole Earth, even sadder then the day the Harlem Globetrotters came back from space to take final victory from the Human race, and ended up winning.). That day, a new leader emerged. This was a mentally incapable Cat named Neville.
Prelude to WarEdit
Neville, being a moron, managed to spawn a huge army of morons to convert other morons to their cause. Then, using their combined stupidity, bought forth Elvis Presley to wage war on the powers of logicality and intelligence. Now Elvis was not stupid, but Neville thought that Elvis could make more Morons join their cause, by making awesome hypnotic songs that would make people join the Moron Army. Then, Neville made Elvis the General in charge of all the Morons. Together, all the Morons started a long march towards freedom of stupidity and retardeness. When Neville and Elvis found out that 'Weird Al' Yankovic was making Parodies of Elvis's songs, Neville and Elvis went out to enlist his help. Together, Neville, Elvis, and Weird Al made lunch menus for the new food chain called "Twinkie Weiner Sandwiches 'R Us". Using the funds, the evil threesome went out and purchased 20 giant PAC Cannons. They also bought 500,000,000,000 PAC rounds and 25,000,000 PAC Cannons. They gave a PAC gun and 200 3-in PAC rounds to each Moron Infantry man.
The UNSC saw this increase in Pie-making as a treat against them, so they bought in Chuck Norris's Cousin Bon to teach them a lesson. He failed. Miserably. He was caught by a patrol of Idiot Infantrymen, and (because they did not know who he was), he was tortured by the worst way possible. By TEABAGGING! *GASP*. In the end, they got all the info they needed, and passed onto Neville, Elvis, and 'Werid' Al. They were surprised by this move and declared war. What Elvis and Neville didn't know was that Werid Al was actually a UNSC informer, and so, he defected to the UNSC. The UNSC bought their Frigates out of retirement and landed their troops to annihilate the Idiot Army. And so, becam the 'Idiot Wars'.
The 'Idiot Wars' - Day 1-400Edit
The UNSC and Idiots traded fire, and, then, 100 Thousand Million Idiots started a suicide charge towards the UNSC Troops. The UNSC Forces opened fire, killing over 100,000 in the first ten seconds. Clip after clip went into their assault rifles, which were soon emptied, and had to have another clip shoved in. Thousands of missiles slammed into the packed masses of Idiots, charging haphazardly towards the Marines. Chainguns mowed hundreds down at a time, Spartan Lazahs scythed thousands in half at a time, and Super PAC Rounds slammed into Idiots and Marines alike to crush and kill whomever is unlucky enough to be in the way. The PAC Guns of the idiots also fired, killing any Marine hungry enough to get in the way. But these pies were Hyper dense, and were also coated in a heavy sedative. Many hundreds of Marines went down from this. After a pure 16 hours of fighting, the sun went down, Five-hundred million Idiots were dead, and another two-hundred and fifty million were wounded. The UNSC only suffered 5,000 dead, and 26,000 wounded. This went on for almost a year. In the end, only Neville and a single Marine remained standing. That Marine took Neville into Military custety. And that was the last time a Pie Accelerator Cannon was ever seen outside a Military museum.
The PAC Banning of 2553Edit
As soon as the Human-Ugly War ended, the pale people government banned the PAC Canoon for its potentcy. As of March 32nd, 2553, it was then considered a act of Gayness and an proclomation of Homo-ness. It was also punishable by forceable Sex-change operations.