Noob cancer is a cancer that is created when one is too much of a noob or is best friends with a noob. Noob cancer will have a devastating impact on your life, it is curable, but surgery usually takes 35 weeks, the patient has a 98% chance of dying and it costs 600 McQuadrillion dollars.

Noob cancer symptoms Edit

  • Huge warts on eyelids.
  • Megalomania
  • You crave to just kill yourself while playing video games.
  • You start putting up posters of Fuel Rod Guns in your room and start to worship them
  • You have dreams of world domination.
  • You start complaining to your friends that you can't find the skulls.
  • You believe you have Recon armor when you don't
  • You believe you don't have noob cancer when you actually do.
  • Using the damn Noob Combo
  • Turning into a 9 year old and screaming as high-pitched as possible into the Mike Rophone.
  • Opposite gender's sex organs
  • The ability to make anyone who hears your voice want to kill themselves.
  • You have visions of a large flamboyant wolf, and decide to make him your OC.
  • AIDS
  • Kleptomania
  • Herpes
  • Dyslexia
  • Bipolar disorder

Homemade cures for Noob cancer Edit

1. Eat your internet and ethernet router/modem.

2. Mix water, honey, little wood splinters, and pig snot into a drink then freeze it for about 5 min. then drink it.

3. Balance on your head and sniff anything you are allergic to and try not to sneeze.

4. Don't talk for a week.

5. Tell the Mafia(or any other gang) your home address.

6. Kick baby cougar cubs and make sure your doing it when their mom is around.

7. Go to work/school in a dress.

8. If you sit in a squeaky chair make it squeak over and over and wave around your arms. That is the opposite of preventing noob cancer.

9. Beat a campaign on at least normal without killing yourself

10. Kick your neighbors dog

11. Spank your mother while your father is around

12. Spank a girl colleague/classmate while their boyfriend is around

13. Go into an elevator and call the psychic hotline to find out which room you're in

14. Run around a room, arms at 90 degrees and shouting IM AN AEROPLANE!

15. Actually win a match with your team without killing everyone on your team, including yourself

16. Shag Commander Keyes, steal ALL her clothes then put them in a corner and shoot them with a spartan laser until it runs out of ammo and blow up the remains with a rocket launcher.

17. Walk into a bar full of biker lesbians, stand on the counter, and say "Alright, which one of you sexay thangs is gonna be the first to suck my cock? Come on ladies, I'll change your sexual orientations!"

18. Walk into a bar full of black people (preferably with heavily armed bouncers) in a KKK outfit, make monkey noises, take a dump on a picture of MLK, and wipe your ass with a picture of Malcom X (note: this cure works best if you do it at the same time as #17)


20. Die

Note: These are just myths. There is a 96% chance of it not working. The people who submitted these just want make you look like a retard.


Kill yourself.

Famous Noob cancer survivors Edit

  • The little drummer boy