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Noob

From Gruntipedia

(Redirected from N00b)
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The few, the geeky, the noobs.
— Noob campaign.
In Soviet Russia, YOU still pwn noobs!!!
— Russian Reversal on n00bs
You're a noob... wort wort wort!
— An Elite on tartarus
AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
— A Grunt upon seeing a n00b
Your mom!
— A n00b in response to a player saying: Please stop spawn camping!
i r teh l33tz0rz!!!111!!!!oneoneone
— The deluded thought process of a n00b
j00 4r3 n0t teh l33tz0rz!
— Another deluded n00b thought process
h44xor h0w did yo se mee i wuz invisible!!1111!11.
— n00b owned in active camoflague
lol pwns.
— n00b on all aspects of life
1 4m 20 1337, 1 2p33k 1337 2p33k
— A noob that had no English classes in his life.

n00b - someone who sucks ass at the topic at hand and acts like a complete douchebag because of it. 1337(leet)speak,A.K.A. Elite speak (not to be confused with wort-ish), is a common douchiness performed exclusively by noobs or people mocking noobs (distantly related to the jerk or asshole).Saying things such as:

  • "I'll pwn j00"
  • "ph41l"
  • "W7F?! j00 4R3 73H Ch347z0rz!!!11!!!one!!eleventy!"
  • "i'm the best,i kill you,you die haha!!"
  • "UR A NOOB!!!!!"

The n00b will in fact often call others n00bs, thus showing a complete lack of self-awareness. The only truly effective weapons against n00bs are "your momma" jokes and immediate and repeated termination, thereby giving them no room to insult. Be warned, the second course of action will often result in accusations of "h4x0r1ng", known to "normal" people as cheating.

Contents

[edit] Interesting Facts

  • noob rhymes with fuck you who ever said these things about kids!!! fuck you!!!

[edit] N00biness

Any certified doctor can easily diagnose the state of being a n00b, more commonly know as n00biness or Noob cancer. The following are things that are commonly checked when testing for n00biness. However, a strain of Noobititus B has recently had an outbreak. This virus automatically causes Nub stage Noobiness. It is transferred through the air from infected Nubs. Noobs do a lot of greenade spamming.(a noob tactic)

[edit] Risk Factors

Oh shit!!!
— Oggespartan117 reading point 7.
Stop moving asshole!!!
— A noob that didn't read point 8.

There are several risk factors associated with n00biness. The most common are:

  • 1 Having gone through puberty, but still having an abnormally high-pitched voice.
  • 2 Failing first grade English class.
  • 3 Playing Halo, or similar video games, for more than 6 hours straight (currently the record stands at 45.34 hours).
  • 4 Sucking ass but being unable to admit it. (if you can admit then your still not a noob unless you use noob tactics)
  • 5 Using noob tactics(eg: PP and human weapon (the infamous noob combo), rocket launcher against people on the ground).
  • 6 Having a gamertag that includes 1337 speak or gibberish.
  • 7 Having a gamertag with the words spartan or 117 in it
  • 8 Having a gamertag that includes the word "sniper" despite absolutely sucking with sniper weapons.
  • 9 Being a Noobish Editor.
  • 10 Getting laid by some nerdy chick that is krunk
  • 11 Being an athletic nerd
  • 12 Having a gamertag of a character in the game your playing(eg: ppl who call themselves master chief in it).

Anyone with any of these risk factors should immediately be tested for noobiness before playing any multiplayer games, in order to control the spread of the disease.

[edit] Symptoms

Noobiness manifests itself in many ways. The most common symptoms are:

  • Not being able to tell the difference between an "A" and a "4".
  • Failing classes because you wrote your final papers using the above logic.
  • Sticking plasma grenades to your own crotch in order to prevent another human from getting the point from killing you.
  • Sticking plasma grenades to your own crotch for no reason.
  • Yelling "This server sucks!" and disconnecting from the server the first time you are killed.
  • Craving Achievements for orgasms.
  • Have dreams you're making out with Cortana.

Note: Continued T-bagging of campaign NPC's is still under study. Not understanding the last sentence, however, has been proven accurate for early symptoms of n00b.

[edit] Treatment

N00biness is extremely difficult to treat. Once initially infected, it is almost always impossible to stop the downward cycle. Some experimental methods that may work include:

  • 1 Taking extra English classes during summer school.
  • 2 Breaking the "4" key on your keyboard (although n00biness will eventually lead to this because of excessive use).
  • 3 Throwing away all of your grenades at the start of the round.
  • 4 Having a friend (assuming that you have any) beat you over the head with a baseball bat, a row or an iron bar whenever you act like a n00b.
  • 5 Avoid use of the term "pwn" until you actually can "pwn".
  • 6 Separating yourself from other n00bs for extended periods of time.
  • 7 Not killing yourself in a match at least once.
  • 8 Doing yoga whenever you see an SMG.
  • 9 Strenuous training in throwing grenades, driving Scorpions and speaking like a normal person.
  • 10 Having the guts to ask someone out.
  • 11 Having the guts to play a level with AIDs on at least normal difficulty.
  • 12 Beat campaign on at least normal difficulty.
  • 13 Rape their mother (if they have any).
  • 14 Kick their ass with their own move: the noob combo, camp with a mauler, and fire rocket launchers in their face.
  • 15 Throw mines in their camp ground.
  • 16 Gang up on them (then gang T bag them).
  • 17 Gang stick them with plasma grenades.

[edit] Transmission

N00biness is highly contagious to those who are not vaccinated or have not gone through puberty. Exposure to any n00b for any amount of time puts you at risk of contracting n00biness. Exposure to n00bs should be minimized at all costs. If you need help facing down your n00biness, please speak to your local administrator.

[edit] Dealing With N00bs

N00bs can contaminate you with n00biness very easily. The following are the proper tools to deal with them:

  • Camperguns
  • Sucky Mini Guns (they'll run to their mommas)
  • Noodlers (AKA The nOOB-inator)
  • Sniper Rifle (They'll never know what hit them...)
  • Yo Momma jokes
  • T-bagging (actually, this kind of fails a little bit...)
  • Any weapon in general, as long as you can aim it.

[edit] Contageousness... nessness

  • he spread of n00bism has reached the point where grown men with normal voices are also in this state. This amplifies the theory that n00bism may also be caused by people with extremely small penises trying to compensate for their carnal shortcomings.

[edit] If you encounter a noob.....

Run. Do not look back.


[edit] USE YOUR MEGA CHEEEESE BREATH AGAINST TEH N00B AND SMITE HIM

[edit] Types of Noob

  • Achievement Whores: Noobs who attempt to unlock all achievements and film them using the Theater on Halo 3, or else asking friends to help them get achievements, and then bragging about the completely useless Katana attached to their backs.
  • Campers AKA Girl Scouts (which user ShadowyLeftHand takes no offense to): Noobs who stand near player spawn points with a shotgun and kill people.
  • Aggressive Snipers AKA Lee Harvey Oswalds: Noobs who will do anything to get a hold of a Sniper Rifle, including killing their own team-mates. Lee Harvey Oswalds are known to yell BOOM! HEADSHOT! on the rare occasions they actually hit someone.
  • JFK Jrs.: Noobs who enter a Banshee or Hornet and just fly around crashing into things.
  • De-Levelers: Noobs who keep sticking themselves with Plasma Grenades or commit suicide in other manners to lower their level on XBL.
  • Major Noobs: There are many major noobs in the halo server. These are people who can't get up their rank and keep on creating new accounts until they rank up and when they finally reach brig or general they talk all the crap to lower ranks when they probably have played over 6000 ranked games total.
  • (insert weapon) Whores: Noobs who camp by weapon spawnpoints and/or kill their teammates to get a hold of a certain weapon or vehicle. Common examples include Combo Whores, Shotgun Whores, Rocket Whores, and Tank Whores.
  • Modders AKA h4xz0rz5: These Noobs will actually pwn you... when they're modding anyway. You are probably playing against a modder if Ghosts start falling out of the sky right onto your head, you are attacked by a flying Warthog, somebody is shooting rockets out of their SMG, a giant gorilla suddenly spawns and rips you in half or the AIDs virus is unleashed.
  • Wannabe noobs: Noobs who think they can use a sniper rifle/tank but then they fail at it and when they die and their teammate takes it, they just bitch and moan about it and either kills their team mates or waits until the weapon spawns by camping at the spawn and hitting the wall until it spawns
  • Leeroy Jenkins: This type of n00b, directly from World of Warcraft, basically make all team activities fail.
  • Whiners a.k.a CryBabies: This type refuses to shut up, and when you kill them they cry and yell that you are cheating, or your a nerd, or that your the noobies of noobs, ect. They are also rather weak and easy to pick off.
  • She-whores: While Shotgun Whores etc and JFK Jrs are mentioned above, this is a completely different category, and often fast-tracks the development of the Noob Disease. It involves hopping in the first Banshee the noob sees and using it with practiced f***tardness. If the noobs sees someone else using a banshee, they generally quit the server. People that yell 'SHEEWHORE!' at a Sheewhore are generally teetering on the brink of noobiness.
  • Nooblets: Also known as "Diet n00b" or "Noob Lite", these are a lesser level of n00bs that the term can be used lightly with. However, these n00blets can grow into full-fledged n00bs of any of the above forms. They are known for stupid mistakes mainly.
  • Fucktards: A Nub that has somehow become noobier, although it is thought to be impossible.
  • Asscrits: A N00b that spends the whole damn match hidin in a bush or shrub in order to camp near a weapon spawn point and calling other people n00bs that they kill cowerdly.

[edit] Stages of n00b disease

Croykey! That's a big one!
— Steve Irwin on the species Ubernoobulas Diseasus

1. Newbie

Not generally considered the same a a n00b. this is mainly people who suck because they are new and this can lead to some-what Noob like behavior out of pissed-offness. The least threatening and generally most agreeable.Extended presence in this stage can result in advancing to stage 2.

2. N00b

The second stage and the first that is a true n00b is what occurs when you get annihilated by a n00b. This is the most common stage of infection. These n00bs are often seen using the shotgun and camp in small corners waiting to pounce on prey.

3. Nub

The last and most untreatable infection. Anyone past n00b is beyond treatment are prone to killing themselves every time they attack. The Nub is known to utilize it's complete suicidal maniac-ness to charge and blow up their opponents and taking them with him. These n00bs use Rocket Lawn Chairs as that's the only thing that even gives the a chance of getting a kill.

GOD! WE SUCK!
— A n00b after reading this article

[edit] Known n00bs

[edit] See also

Retrieved from "http://unhalo.wikia.com/wiki/Noob"