Master Chief
From Gruntipedia
THIS. IS. HALO!!!
- —
LeonidasMaster Chief on the popular video game series.
- lollollollolollollollolol etc.......
- — The Master Chief in "Arby n the Chief.
- I'm not paying you to question me and my Chiefy ways!
- — Master Chief to Cortana.
- I think master chief is a retard.
- — Arbiter before halo 3.
The Master Chief (Colonel Sanders) is the the Fourth Horseman of the Apocalpyse, also known as Death, and is the harbinger of doom for all that refuse to acknowledge his badassness. He is currently on trial for warcrimes against the Covenant people. He is either one of two people: Chuck Norris or Mr. T. It seems that he keeps stching between the two. He can also say the words "lol", so far an unrepeated achievement.
For unknown reasons, he has the ability to speak in Txt languages, for example, "lol", "WTF?" and "Txt". Plus, he's a jerk to pretty much everyone-even Cortana. That might explain the affair Cortana had with the Arbiter. He's also terrible at all video games. this is why that you can rearrange the syllables in his name to say Mas-ef-Chi-ter.
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[edit] Appearance
While his face has never been seen it is presumed that he is very ugly. But MC has hardly taken his MJOLNIR armor off saying that he fells "naked" without it. Another reason why Grunts run away from MC is because an anagram of "Master Chief" reads "Scare Them If"; an explanation might be "Scare them if I take of this helmet".
[edit] Childhood
Born on Earth, and raised by Mr T, John had a very traumatic upbringing in "da hood." Running away from home at an early age he was soon kidnapped by social deviants, who lured him to their evil hiding-place with a shiny coin. He was then indoctrinated into the ways of "badass", before being set loose upon an unsuspecting universe. Legends say that he can kill by merely looking you in the eyes. Actually, people are normally already dead, on account of the Law of "I Has Teh Weapon Zorz," which states that the number of dead surrounding the Chief is proportional to the level of pent up sexual frustration inside of him. According to a poll in Halopedia, MC does not wear any underwear under all that metal.(It's true.)
[edit] Dangerous things he did (other than blow up Halo and infuriate the Covenant)
- Told a "Yo Mamma" joke in the face of a really really pissed off Brute with a Gravity Hammer
- Went into a room with about 20 brutes, 30 jackholes and 80 grunts and he went out with a shiney new Gravy Hammer and an Energy Sword
- Teamed up with Cortana
- Gave a marine a rocket launcher.
[edit] Augmentation
Captured by the UNSC at the age of six, he was again indoctrinated into the ways of "Cheify Craziness," and sent to Reach where he met other victims of the "Badass" Program.
The Chief and co. were changed by doctors, so that they could wear super badass armor. The strain killed some because it was so painful. Ouch. Then, the Chief led a team of others in the Badass program to kill some others in the Badass program. The other dudes were killed. The UNSC saw through the ruse, and realised that the experiment had failed, and sent Jesus to kill him. The two then became friends by accident.
When the Covenant attacked, the UNSC realised they would get pwn3d like N00Bz, and pulled John out of his psychiatric ward, gave him a rifle, and sent him against the xenophobic aliens. Though he slaughtered billions, he realised that a suit of armour would improve his "Badass" powers, and stole one from Chillout Setee IV. Wearing it for the first time, he had an epiphany, realising that he was the reincarnation of Death, the Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse. The other Spartans agreed to follow him in battle against anyone and everything that refused to bow down before him, becoming the Imperial Stormtroopers of the Master Chief.
[edit] Halo
Chased down by the Covenant for his warcrimes, he abandoned his followers to their fate, stowing away on a random ship. When it arrived at Halo, John descended as a fiery angel to the ringworld, slaughtering billions more Grunts and leaving a fiery trail in his wake. God followed him, and the two actually teamed up together to take over Halo, killing the Covenant until there were really few left.
[edit] AIDS
Sadly, the forces of righteousness were slaughtered by a massive outbreak of AIDS, leaving the Chief and Avery Johnson the only human survivors. They blew up the ring, and took off for the nearest Starbucks. A dude called the Arbiter was disgraced because of his stupidity. Recently, the Master Chief wrote a musical about it.
[edit] Delta Halo
John's holy crusade against the Covenant led him back to Earth, where he proceeded to pwn N00Bs. They fled before his wrath, but not before God turned up, trying to stop John's slaughter of innocent Marines. John followed the Covenant through space and time to Delta Halo, executing the Prophet of Regret for being an infedel. he was thrown into the sea, and had a nice swim before being kidnapped (yet again) by a Super AIDS Cell.
He met with the Arbiter, and were talked at by Gravemind before being teleported elsewhere. Defying all logic, John was sent to High Charity, while the incompetent got to save the galaxy. Johnson teamed up with the Arbiter to stop Tartar Sauce from killing lots of people. But John, being sent to the one place everyone agreed he should never be sent to, proceeded to commit genocide on a level never before seen in the galaxy. John left Cortana behind because she was being whiny, and followed the Prophet of Truth to Earth on a space ship. He had a fun ride.
[edit] The Ark
The ship's crew, after playing a prolonged and bloody game of hide-and-die, eventually kicked John off, and he descended to Earth leaving a fiery wake, crashing in some jungles. Johnson rescued him, but then the Arbiter turned up. They relieved their aggressions on each other, engaging in a titanic dual, then agreed to kill the Covenant first. They fought many Covenant forces and even some AIDS before arriving at the Hula Hoop Maker, leaving a bloody trail of corpses behind them. Instead of doing the sensible thing, and trap the Flood until they could destroy it for good, they blew up a new Hula Hoop, killed some allied dudes, and fled like the little babies they were.
[edit] War Crimes
The Master Chief has slaughtered billions upon billions of Covenant,99 percent of them Grunts, and commited countless atrocities in his genocidal quest to conquer the universe. True, most of the deaths were Grunts, and there's about a billion of them, but That's Beside The Point. In Absentia, he is under trial by the Grunt people for war crimes, and the likely sentence is death. Emissaries from Earth argue that, well, it was a war, and technically the Grunts were the Bad Guys. The Grunts argue that That's Beside The Point. However, due to the fact that it was because countless billions of people died to the Covenant, and that he was only defending Humanity, and himself, the Covenant shall be destroyed.
The Prophets also argue that his actions led to the infection of millions of their number, and their extinction.
[edit] Armor
The Master Chief wears a smelly armor (Yeah... He has worn it for centuries...) known as the Mark VI. The Mark VI is actually named after a lottery game in Hong Kong, the Mark Six, as the armor provides the function of buying Mark Six.
[edit] Did You Know?
- Master Chief is a frequent editor on Gruntipedia
- Ironically, Master Chief sucks at Halo.
- Master Chief owns every season of "Seinfeld".
- Master Chief once starred in an unpopular sitcom known as Were it so Easy, where he shared an apartment with the Arbiter, a Hunter and a wisecracking Grunt called Des. It was cancelled after the pilot episode.
- Master Chief once played Call of Duty 4
- MC's favorite web page is Gruntipedia.
- MC has his own soundtrack.
- MC saw every season of "Golden Girls", his favorite character being Blanche.
- That Master Chief is a descendant from Mars, God of War, as an Anagram of his name reads "March See Fit"
- MC is a virgin.
