For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on Mars.

This is Mars, he is a tanny.

Mars is that red asshole (that is wrong on so many levels, especially this one. No seriously, red asshole) that much like Dirt, spins around a big, burning sperm ball better known as the Sun, which is the bright thing in the sky you see at day (not airmail delivering your Mum's dildos).


It is basically a desert with ice, seriously, it's a barren wasteland, and you get ice? That almost makes no sense, it's red and yet it has ice? There was no life there until a very long time because the ice would just freeze one's whole digestive system.

As it is as cold as the Prophet of Haters' heart, the first way people could observe Mars was too look into glass dildoes called telescopes which dried out quickly (yet again, wrong on so many levels).


This "wound" is believed to be skin cancer caused by a tan or the ass"hole".

Earth has one natural sattelite called Lunar (that grey thing you see at night which blocks Sol because it is getting trolled by it), Mars however has two, and they both suck because they are not actually moons, they are just ass steroids which ended up stalking Mars after being kicked out of the club/Asteroid Belt, which is worn by Sol, which has many decorations on the inside and outside. They aren't even shaped like spheres.

It's terrain is rocky (No not that movie), cold and red, it's so cold it's hard and lo- DON'T SAY LONG DON'T SAY LONG DON'T SAY LONG DON'T SAY LONG DON'T SAY LONG!



Due to the poor quality of telescopes, this is what Mars looked liked long ago, this idea was later used for the interest of McDonalds people.

Humans later developed Rovers and Anal Probes which were originally inteded for uses on Lunar.

Becauser Mars is so far away, we had to pack Shuttles with lots of zappers to keep the crew/robots occupied for their long journey to another planet (8.4 Terahertz of power is like marijuana to robot). When deployed at Mt. Everest Mars, the rovers just walked around with camera heads telling us what we can clearly see. The probes just float around outside of the atmosphere like a boss, waiting for things to appear that they could sexually assault.

Soon, people decided to fly to Mars in shuttles, they died of suffocation as soon as they stepped outside of the shuttle, meaning that the rovers were smoking too much weed/zaps and thought there was oxygen. The humans should have known anyways as there were no trees. Hundreds of years later, Humanity rethought the idea of living on Mars by sending Austronauts (In Soviet Russia, Cosmonauts) to plant vital seeds there and start global warming there so the ice would become water..

This worked successfully. Soon, Humanity colonized on Mars and other balls.

Human-Covenant WarEdit

The Covenant found out the location of Mars and started glassing it, they failed because the UNSC had Optimus Prime on their side, Optimus had to sacrifice the Matrix (No, not that movie) in order to stop the Covenant's assault. Truth later realised that barbecuing a red sperm ball wouldn't do him any good, because no one cares about Mars.

Misriah ArmoryEdit

The Misriah Armory is an organization built on Mars but has spread to other planets that built evey UNSC weapon, they also make builds of Military vehicles and Ships. That is all there is to know about the Misriah armory


Humans love being retarded by jumping around and flying so they enjoyed the lower gravity, giving it high scores.

It was negatively recieved for being small and having 2 oddly shaped moons which caused pure night to be rare.

Aside from gravity and daylight savings time, the public had very similair opinions to Mars as they have to Earth.


It's a piece of crap.

  • A. It's almost like Earth
  • B. The grass isn't green
  • C. The water isn't even blue
  • D. Low gravity leaves individuals prone to headshots
  • E. Death Notes don't work here
  • F. The speed of everything is reduced by 50%


  • It is known as Edom to Forerunners and Cavemen
  • It sucks
  • It is the Birthplace of Dutch, Benjamín M. Nùñez (awesome rapper) and Nicole (That Femme Spartan from Dead or Alive 4.

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