UNSC Marine Corps

From Gruntipedia

This article is too damned short, Marine! You will help Gruntipedia by making it larger so it will fit the screen, fool!

Hold my beer and watch this!

— Marine war cry.

Under No Set Circumstances (are we a) Marine Corps is an "elite" fighting force tasked with being awful drivers, horrible shots, big assholes and cannon fodder for the Master Chief. In turn, they're really good at crashing into walls, missing anything smaller than an Elephant, and getting shot.

In Halo 3 a marine said suprise crapface when he tried to shoot a covenent on a Worthog. You know, for an(not so) "elite" military force, these guys are pretty dimwitted. They like to bring out one liners and curses, but unlike real Marines, they don't use real curses, just the ones you would expect to see in a PG-13 action movie. They're like "yippie-kay-eh" without the "motherfucker". It has been well known that marines suck and are worth killing on a level with flood as all they do is make your job harder when they get AIDS. Almost all marines will wait for the Chief to come until they start fighting, and it seems as though they think of Master Chief as some fully armored Jesus.

In addition, you can give them weapons, like the Rocket Launcher. However this is rarely advised, as they like just love friendly fire. Oddly enough, to perhaps counterbalance their lack of brains, they have infinite ammo. So, for whatever reason, if you give them a Rocket Launcher with one round left, they magically have one hundred thousand rounds on hand, all waiting for the real enemy, the rest of their squad. How nooby is that? If you give them a weak weapon, like the pistol, however, all they do is bitch and moan about it until the end of time. The Marines just have a stupid mindset that says "bigger is better" which is stupid.

The current theory is that all Marines are inbred, or clones of one another, as there seems to be at least two Australian Marines in one level, and four Stackers in another and the same two female Marines no matter what, even if they die. It is also known that there are only four marines but they all have different voices.

Marines may be incompetent when fight along side you. But if you kill too many of your own men 10,000 guys pop out of nowhere with SMGs and shoot the brains out of you and it hurts like a shit. I wonder why they're better at killing you than killing Covenant... and their bulging muscles are actually because of damn steroids.

It is said that 100 skilled Marines could take out 5 passed out Brutes and a pickle, with only 75 casualties. Also, many marines have been known to be completely obliterated by Hunters, such as Igido Nosa Hurru. In this case, the marines were blown to pieces and stepped on by his inter breeding man/wife Ogada Nosa Fasu, leaving the Chief to attack them himself.

As seen in the picture to the right the marine is trying to do a headspin while the master chief eggs him on. Sergeant Avery Johnson was a spartan 1 and also swears at marines and landed a smart insult on 343 Guilty Spark then the spark shot him, gave him a wedgie, vomited on him, blew him up, and then raped him, poor guy xD

Contents 1 Other Stuff 2 A Marine's skills with a gun 3 Friendly Fire 4 Quotes

[edit] Other Stuff

Everyone needs to eat right, even Marines. So the UNSC has given every marine an MRE. Meals Ready to Eat. Although Marines hate this shit and would rather die than be forced to eat, they almost always kill themselves first.

Since the MREs contain a sexy picture of Cortana lap dancing and some have Cortana having sex, this has given a lot of Marines moral boosts helping survive some assaults. But when a marine dies, that Cortana picture is always in a marine's pocket.

But now the present MREs contain Elites raping marines, which makes them a little mad and shoot at you.

It is known that an idiot otherwise known as Sergeant Johnson once gave some marines a bunch of nukes. The marines later apologized to the ghost of Keyes as they had blown her up. She/he decided to let them live on the condition they attacked the master chief all the time. This is why they loooove friendly fire.

A marine once commented that master chief looked like a naked Jason Jones (as shown in the level halo). The chief cloned the marine and killed all the copies of him. These can be seen in the level crows nest. If you see a Ghost that looks like a marine, that's probably his ghost.

[edit] A Marine's skills with a gun

A marine's aiming skills has basically been described above in the paragraphs. So they suck at doing their job (killing the covenant) and are LIKE A BOSS at the opposite of their job (killing you). And somehow, they brag about how horrible some guns are, but they really don't know anything about the guns in the halo universe. Notice that they use automatic machine guns like a Battle Rifle (proper use: rata rata rata rata rata rata rata rata rata rata... and so on, but they are like rata rata rata rata, pause and get hit, rata rata pause and get hit) and yet they complain all the time. And the reason they they get infinite ammo has been proven. The answer is that Bungie felt sorry for the marines because they programed their AIs horribly (they fire 10000000000000000000000000 shots and only 2 shots hit if they're lucky, but on average, only 10 shots hit ever) so if they get limited ammo, they would die or just complain more about how less ammo they get. They also complain about the guns you can give them, and all they do is groan and nag and moan and bitch and shoot and miss EVERY TIME except for maybe once.

[edit] Friendly Fire

Many gamers (noobs (unfortunely) included) state that Marines have an issue with friendly fire.

However, friendly fire from Marines does not exist.

Marines are Not your friends.

But they are good at the Fule Rod Gun and rarly the Needler.Odd

[edit] Quotes

JACKASS!

— A marine crying at the chief for killing his friend, and then shooting at him.

My name is Francisco Monteque Zanzibar...

— A marine all alone, except for the 500 Elites also in the room.

I thought Brutes were supposed to be gay!

— An unknown marine after a firefight with Brutes.

Fire in the hole!

— A marine "accidentally" throwing a grenade at Master Chief.

lol i1m t3h pwnzorz!11!!!!11!

— The smartest marine in the corps.

One marine is not worth killing, but sticking one marine is.

— Sergeant Pete Stacker

The plasma 'nade tastes finger-licking goo- AAHHH!

— Colonel Sanders after getting stuck, licking itm and then blowing up

One noob is worth a billion marines.

— Some smart foo

Whoopeee!!!!

— Marine after smacking you with the end of a Warthog

Aw, crap... you guys suck!

— Marine on friendly fire.

Nobody asked if we had a driving license when recruiting...

— Anonymous marine after a crash with Scorpion

GHOST RIDE DA WHIP!!!

— Marine after joyriding through New Mombasa

...Oops?

— Marine after misfiring a rocket launcher into a wall and blowing up Master Chief and the marines around him.

Ha ha hah.

— Sgt. Dean Nutcase before getting owned.

Sorry!

— Marine after running over the Master Chief

KILL MARIN3Z!!!!

— Master Chief

Evil Organizations

United Nations

United Noobs Space Command | UNSC Defense Force

UNSC Defense Forces

Fort Dwellers | Spaceship People | Kamikaze Pilots | The Worst of the Worst

Covenant

Covenant Commies | Rebels | The Nobodies | Covenant Ar'mee | Covenant Na'vee

Other

Disgruntled Wiki | Failopedia