Respawn in 5...4...3...2...1...
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- I'll drive!
- — A Marine
- — Another Marine
- Shotgun! Fuck!
- — Yet another marine
- M41 Light Anti-Aircraft Gun!
- — Marine who rathers the .50 cal gatling gun than sitting in the front
- In Soviet Russia, War T Hog drives YOU!!
- — Yakov Smirnoff on the how the War T Hog works
- We-know what drives you, Bingham, Toyot- BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!
- — Warthog proving Toyota wrong with its Gauss gun
The nicest feature about warthogs is that even though no one riding ever gives a fuck and actually buckles up, you can never fall out. This proves useful since Marines don't like to buckle up. When being driven by a f-ing n00b or a Marine, they usually crash into walls at high speeds, and from human's experience this generally turns out to be a bad situation (ex. crash worthiness of passenger vehicles in the 21st century). While in the Warthog though, soldiers are never ejected from the vehicle...even when upside down. After coming off the assembly line, every warthog is given to a maniac who sledgehammers the hell out of all the machinery so that it cannot maintain a speed less than 99mph or turn in time to miss a textile factory two miles away. The steering wheel and acceleration pedal are immediately disabled whenever any warthog is fielded. They are promptly replaced by a computer that is programmed to make the engine and wheels go fucking insane, making even the most skilled drivers look like they're on crack. This doesn't matter, however, as warthogs are covered in deadly nerve-poison making them blindingly lethal when they come in contact with any living creature, killing
2-ton 1,000 pound cyborgs while braking (which is nigh-impossible) or not moving at all. The turrets on all warthogs have the complimentary and utterly worthless feature of pointing toward the front of the vehicle in absence of a gunner, the reason for this is still being extracted from the warthog's designer, who is now incarcerated in UNSC's prison for like a bajillion counts of manslaughter. All of this was resolved in Halo 2 onward.
.50 turretEditThis turret never runs out of ammo, always making bullets out of pure Gruntiness. Gunners are therefore free to write things with the turret, as Grunts can see.
What it runs onEdit
It runs on the blood of your enemies and gruntiness. It also runs on the occasional sarsaparilla.