Prophet of Truth
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Cquote1Die? Don't you know? Forklifts never die!Cquote2
— His last words
Cquote1Die? Don't you know? Grunts never die!Cquote2
— Kurt's second to last words


Kurt was conscripted into the SPARTAN-II program in 2517 at the age of six. He soon proved himself as a great leader and could 'sense' when things were not right. Somehow, he grew a massive erection whenever something was wrong, and it would always point him in the direction of the danger. John did not like Kurt because of Kurt's excessive awesomeness. This would change in 2527 when Blue Team Team Kickass (John, Kelly, Fred, and Linda) were captured during a mission to kill some rebels with nukes. Kurt rescued them by throwing a blue turtle shell at the interrogator, which blew up in his face. Kurt then escaped with the rest of Blue Team and resisted the urge to rub it in, but sadly failed. John then became friends with Kurt after a particularly heartfelt sorry and man-bro hug in the showers back at base. At this time, Kurt got the feeling that there was something very wrong with John's ass. Meanwhile, Colonel James Ackerson was starting the crappy SPARTAN-III program, and wanted a SPARTAN-II Santanic Death Prodigy to lead the trainees. He chose Kurt and later abducted him by sabotaging his snack pack on an EVA mission in spaaaaaaaace and planting an "OPPAN GANGAM STYLE" bomb on a spaaaaaaaace station somewhere. Kurt rocketed off into spaaaaaaaace, and was later recovered by Ackerson, who decided to give Kurt an actual last name. He ended up training 300 SPARTAN-IIIs on Onyx, who all died on their first m
Spartans never die...

Kurt's last moments.

ission. He then trained more, but only two survived the next mission. Seeing this vast improvement of 298 casualties versus the aforementioned 300, the UNSC quickly jumped on the idea of the threes, seeing their great promise. Kurt then decided to mutate the next group of SPARTAN-IIIs using gamma rays and gruntiness, but this again failed, as the gruntiness was an inert batch, but still produced Noble team. Fast forward a few years, and Ackerson was growing more and more pissed, as he was upset he was a woman trapped in a man's body. He wanted more twelve year olds to send to their deaths. Then came the battle of Onyx. The remaining SPARTANs went into Onyx's core while Kurt stayed behind to hold off the metric ass-tons of Covenant chasing them. He tried to kill a Hunter using his bare hands (FAIL) and was almost sliced in half by it's penis. He then limped swaggered back to the portal into Onyx's core (Are you ready? Because here comes the epic part). An Elite walked up to him and said "One last fight demon, and then you die". Kurt's response? "Die? Don't you know? SPARTANS NEVER DIE!!!" He then pressed a button, which just happened to be rigged to two 80 megaton nukes grunt methane tanks.

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