- Hey Vladimir, what does Koslovic even mean?
- — A Koslovic to Vladimir
- I don't know...
- — Vladimir Koslov
The Koslovics are a group of inter-galactic Al-Quaeda sympathizers who hate Earth. They are the real Soviets who want Soviet Russia back so they use kidnapping, killing, raping, and starting nuclear wars to get what they want. They're lead by a fool named Imran Zakhaev who once got his balls shot off by a Nazi. They pretty much just have some old crap for weapons like the MA5B Assault Rifle and Combat Knife which suck. So they just rely on party bombing and trade center crashing and indecent exposure and Republicans to screw the UN up, all that annoying shit no one likes to talk about.
One day, before crazy stuff started to happen, probably around 2162 or a Monday, an unknown Taliban guy stole enough weapons for Koslovs so they can fight democracy in Earth. They failed epically when they tried to hit the U.S. so they decided to attack somewhere that can't defend itself from the mighty Soviet: Brazil. Koslovs hit the Amazon to steal it's oranges and to chop down trees but the Brazilian Army was, and still is, the best army on the motherfucking Earth, creating the more bad-asses and killing machine soldiers of all time! The Koslovs got the shit kicked outta them and they fled Earth to a more tolerant place.
After the major failure in Earth, the Koslovics were at their last stand in Mars. They were panicking when they saw a lot of Marines invading their mother planet's atmosphere and ground. They felt violated, but the feeling didn't last long since the Marines killed them all quickly. The UN could have used one of their nukes, but they felt sending Marines to their death seemed better. The Koslovics couldn't use their outdated ICBMs since the Marines attacked so quick and the Koslovic leaders and generals were found in an air-conditioned UN office, signing papers.