For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on Key of Osanalan.

The Key of Osanalan is a non-existent key. It's just some toy that Colonel James Ackerson and his bro made up back in the time before Halo stuff started happening. People believe that Ackerson got this Osanalan name when he stumbled upon his parents making sweet love and dad called mom an Osanalan or something. Somehow, since this name sounds like some Latin shit, Brutes thought it was some Forerunner device they could use to unlock the secrets of secrets and even more secrets. They kidnapped Ackerson when he was taking a dump and tortured him to tell about the KEEYZ. Ackerson thought he could get his revenge on the people of Cleveland so he made a deal using the local football game. The Browns lost the football game but the Brutes got no key as a reward. They then began 3 days of pillaging for booty and rape during the Battle of Cleveland. The Brutes took many keys including house keys, your key, car keys, Alesha Keyz, Miranda Keyes, Captain Keyes but none were Osanalan. The Brutes gave up and went back to torture Ackerson who killed them all with a Nuke.

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