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John Forge

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Halopedia
For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on John Forge.
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Cquote1Let me drive! Please, let me drive! I have good motor skills!Cquote2
— John Forge.
Cquote1Should have gotten insurance!Cquote2
— John after crashing with his Hog
Cquote1In Soviet Russia, John Forges YOU!Cquote2
— Yakov Smirnov on John Forge's gametype preferences
Cquote1Captain are you sure you wanna entrust an operation of this size to someone who couldn't hold a rank above sergeant?Cquote2
— The Lieutenant (Forges superior) who was handling the reactor before the asshole killed him on Forges illogical amount of authority

John ForgeEdit

John Forge (a.k.a The Warthog Guy) was a fairly normal person(unless you don't count his " auto "-erotic pleasures). In fact, he didn't even have anything going for him until he got a bit part in Halo. Now he cannot stop the flood of fan letters demanding his appearance in future Halo games. So, Bungie gave him a nice script that gave him accuracy beyond peer in the passenger seat and sent him out to kick ass in and out the campaign. He would appear as himself in Halo 2 as a Flood organism and when asked of his experience acting a emotionless, zombie-like monster he replied: "ARRRGEDD!!" The reporter's brain was eaten. Unfortunately for John, originality had already been sent via slingshot in to the nearest Sun when Ensemble realized they needed to name the idiot, after considering Cortana Matchmaking, Gravemind Custom Games and Arbiter Theater and Rookie Firefight, John Forge was chosen. However, he NEVER FUCKED ANYONE before he got on the Spirit of Fire. The game guide says he's a totally reserved badass but in game we learn he's more of an outspoken badass, which proves you can't trust liberal media. He also collaborated with A lightbulb.

Early lifeEdit

John Forge attended Marine school which made him learn that friendly fire is OK. Also, Warthog shooting. But, in Halo Wars, Ensemble Studios didn't allow crap go to the game, so John and his Marines friends couldn't friendly fire. Since John Forge's friends were obsessed with friendly fire, they killed each other. John Forge got depressed and went and hijacked a plane, went to Reach, crashed and said to Marine base,"I'm your new sergeant."

Relationship to CortanaEdit

You know how a celebrity marries a non-celebrity and they break up moments later? Yeah. A highly public affair when the fact that she had no body and he had no voice actor destroyed whatever similarities they had, such as character depth. Their love affair is described in the next Halo knockoff book/fanfiction. Unfortunately, John Forge only met Cortana in 2553, when he was about 50 years, so Cortana thought he was a stalker. No, he actually died before she was even built.

Relationship to SpartansEdit

Most notably, the Sergeant was a John, but not a Spartan. The Spartans teased him for this, especially John the Spartan, who would often stick a "KIA" tag on the back of the Sergeant wherever he would go. Strangely prior to Forge's death, another Spartan named Jerome had complimented him, saying how it had been an honour to serve with him. Embarrassingly, all the Splazer firing prior, had frazzled Jerome's eyes and he had in fact mistaken Forge for the real John, Master Chief. It was someone's idea to detonate the reactor of their ship though, so news of this error never reached any intelligent life.

Characters
UNSC

Chuck NorrisCompute-whoreBadass MofoJohnson's BitchFlood Beach Ball1000x better than Captain KeyesWarthog Guy

Covenant/Covenant Separatist
E.T. Gone BadTartar SauceArbiturdRats in a Vacuum|Nothing's Wrong.Used ta' Go H.A.M. Over Leather-hamThat guy named after what made Jessi Slaughter cry.Prophet of SagginessBoss Battle #1Prophet of PimpsFemale Prophets Exist??Suck'a ZombieDem D-BagsThe Ugly TurkeyDa Crusadaz|Worms in your PieMORE worms in your pie...Gawd 'Allmyghtee
Other
LightbulbCaptain Stinky BreathKing of GruntsYapyap the FirstAnother grunt with the Yapyap name"Pope" Yapyap IIITIDDLESThat Whiney Assfaced Jerk

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