For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on James Ackerson.
Cquote1First, I kill the Spartan IIs! Then, um, give me a second, um....Cquote2
— Colonel Ackerson on his plan.
Cquote1Be right back guys! I gotta send my family on a great suicide mission!Cquote2
— Ackerson fulfilling Dr. Halsey's prediction

The average outfit of James. Very unFITting HAHAHAH I'M SO PUNNY

James Ackerson (The Colonel) is one of those dumbasses that hates the great ones. He works for the Office of Naval Intelligence, and unfortunately the UNSC Army. He has survived 3 wars with the Covenant because all he did was sit on a watchtower playing on his Gameboy. The person that recorded his ranks made a typo, he confused Colenel with Corporal so James was considered to have a higher rank, therefore, he commanded his squad to suck on his ass. James plays Call of Duty so much he voluntered for Black Operations early in the war.


He got addicted to Skyrim, he played it 24/7, eventually, he got seizures and thought he was actually seeing dragons. He was taken to hospital and he was put in an asylum after become insane. The UNSC thought his violent and bloodthirsty antics would help him so they got him in the army when he was young.

Relationship with Spartans Edit

James Ackerson picked on Spartans like it was his job, he seemed to care more about killing the Chief rather than stopping the Covenant from winning, infact, he once helped a Grunt kill a Marine, oh wait, the Grunt didn't need help. On August 69th, 2552, Chief was playing in the grass peacefully with his sheep, James was an idior so he wanted to kill Master Chief. Ackerson used mines, a squad of ODST's, three 30mm chainguns, a fat kid and even an airstrike by a SkyHawk. The attack failed, so Chief popped a cap in Ackerson's ass. Cortana stole his money and gave it to a brothel (no, seriously it happened) and told Ackerson's wife. Ackerson's wife got a divorce.

Ackerson met the Noble Team (Except Jorge and Six), he went mad again, following his attempt to bite Kat's boobs, after being arrested of sexual assault, he died in prison by stabbing himself with a pencil, he was not remembered.

Revival and another DeathEdit

In the graveyard, Ackerson pulled of a Thriller! and went back to the UNSC, the dumbasses forgot about him and sent him to a Mars mission were he would fight the Covenant. While biting the dicks of Jackals off, he was captured by the Shitmaster of the Triumphant Declaration. He was taken on board and interrogated. Ackerson refused to say anything so the Shipmaster sat on him and squished him to death. He was not sent to the graveyard, he was catapulted to the sun along with Infity Ward, where he disintegrated.


  • He was an asshole, I don't even need to cite this

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