Jackal

From Gruntipedia

This article is too damned short, Marine! You will help Gruntipedia by making it larger so it will fit the screen, fool!

*Something incomprehensible*

— A Jackal on how the Covenant treat him and the rest of his species.

Woah! we do look like f**king turkeys!

— A Jackal upon discovering an amazing human device, the mirror.

Dude...have you noticed that we rule at long-range fire but we suck like hell when it comes to close-range weapons?

— One Jackal to another Jackal.

That's a f**kin' pretty light... OH **** ****ing **** that canes!

— A Jackal, while masturbating with his plasma pistol

Holt shit!! Check out my skillz with this plasma pistol!

— a Jackhole after shooting his Brute commander.

I don't even wanna know how they reproduce or have children.

— N'tho Sraom on Jackal reproduction.

Chekzit out! Canned fucktard!

— A Jackal commenting on Master Chief, shortly before being 'stuffed' by Chief's Magnum.

Jackholes, colloquially known as Jackals, F***ing ugly Jackasses, dinner, lunch, breakfast (in Sgt. Johnson's case) and sometimes Y are exactly what their name says; Jack All. They are a skinny race of weird yellow space-chickens. They don't seem to eat much of what the Covenant call "food", and so they remain anorexic because they didn't bring their own preferred foods (Or lunchboxes). They use sniper rifles because they are cowards, but use other guns that they can never hit anything with. Jackals have large blue discs strapped to their arms, which they use as protective shields and in rare cases as condoms. However, this is not their primary function. The discs are actually miniature communications dishes that are used to exercise mind-control on Grunts. The rays emitted by the discs stop the Gruntiness affecting the Grunts, and thus stops them from rebelling. Like the other Covenant species the Jackals have to take a dip in the Butter cauldron before battle so sticky grenades won't stick to them. Jackals originate for the planet Eayn, commonly referred to as the jackhole of the galaxy. Jackals were accepted into the covenant because the Profit of Truth lost a bet . Apparently, Truth cannot hold his liquor. Jackholes evolved from a subspecies of turkey that decided that they needed a better purpose in life.Jackholes seem to have a great fear of thanksgiving due to their brilliant taste when cooked and their connection with turkeys.

A little known fact is that the Jackholes home-world is a bunch of party-goers. Hence the fact that they all wear mohawks. The Covenant found out because a bunch of Elites needed some down time and wanted to hit up a party planet. After accidentally driving High Charity through half the planet, the remaining Jackals were drafted into the military. Originally intended as rations when described as "turkey-like semi-sentient objects", their purpose was changed to meat shields when the prophet was notified that they had tried that and it hadn't gone over well. The prophet then shot the dumb bitch who tried to inform him that would not work either, later he was quoted as saying on the matter "Yes. Perfect. Everything is going according to plan." Their "Rave Discs" found a secondary use as a shield, and their leather outfit was used as their combat suit. Jackholes are the first reported Turkey Dancers, and until we find half of a planet that smells like poultry, we will never know. Also, Jackholes are snipers because of their large eyes, which is due to being in dark places full of mad rave discs. They have no intelligible language, because honestly, theirs only two terms party-goers need. "Pass me that beer," and "Dude, get me some nachos."

[edit] Reproduction

Jackals have no sex organs, so they vomit sperm into the female jackal's mouth, then she pretends to act glad. Then 2 minutes later, a miracle happens! Baby is born!

Known Jackals:

• Charlie Dickson
• Superman
• Frodo
• Soulja Boy
• Anoobis(lord of the n00bs)
• Yayap, honorary Jackal
• Optimis prime
• Britney Spears
• Sarah Palin
• Devon Milford
• Charlie Brown
• urabu5
• the orange yoshi, but not the other ones
• Ashely from RE4
• Bill Clinton
• John Mccain
• O.J. Simpon
• Everybody who is seen on the Disney Channel
• Possibly your Gramma

There were never any famous jackals since nobody wanted to pay attention to an under-fed turkey with jaundice. The most effective weapons against them are rocks, scissors, a Turkey baster, a face full of buckshot, or Thanksgiving Day.

Proper way to hunt and dispose of turkeys. Note how he is in extreme pain, begging to be eaten for Thanksgiving.

Turkeys have also been known to pull off Matrix moves

If provoked, turkeys may release energy attacks, which are also mastered by Spartans

The Covenant

Testicle Chins | Xenomorphs | The big fluffy ones | Mods

Those huge bastards with big guns | Gigantasaurus Neverappearus

Space Wasps | Sniper Turkeys | The little cute ones