For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on Human-Covenant War.

An ancient Covenant mural depicting a Forerunner watching humanity vs. the Covenant.

Origin Edit

Prophet of Haters was playing portal one day when he discovered after 5 weeks of endless play, that the cake was a lie. Outraged, he sent his fleet to earth but then quickly withdrawed them when he saw Chuck Norris.

The BeginningEdit

The government had just started looking for aliens when suddenly they came across a small cargo freighter with acid stains all over it. Wanting not to recreate the movie "Alien" they killed Lt. Ripley and then went back to searching. After rejecting many species (Predators and the things from cocoon included) they finally settled on the brutes they found and overlooked thinking they were just some of the monkeys that the Russians sent into space years ago.

First Contact (No not the movie)Edit

Things were O.K. in the beginning but after the first meeting we soon found out that they wanted to take over all of humanity! So, after the government found that their would be no upside to this they retaliated with a nuke into the heart of the matter, or in this case, the heart of the Covenant fleet.

War (and no peace)Edit

The first fights were just massacres we had almost no wins until...Master Chief arrived. With him at the helm of the war we would surely win, or not we still lost, and lost, and lost. The Covenant was still overwhelming us and they had killed all but a few of the Spartans and moral was down the tubes. On the upside the government was happy because like Al Gore they all had companies that they could give the war contracts to.


After being beaten in battle the ship the Pillar of Autumn made a random slip-space jump and found the Hula-Hoop in the sky. After the many battles on this Halo (Play Halo: Combat Evolved for full story) the MC blew up the ship destroying the Halo in the process. The Covenant was outraged so much they then decided to replace the Elites with the Brutes. The Elites then sided with the Humans (who had a problem working with the lizards) but finally they reached a pact and the Elites then took over for the Humans in driving, now when in a warthog instead of hitting every rock in your path you then only hit every other!

Halo 2Edit

Now that the Elites were driving and not hitting so many things the Humans were able to find a second Halo! Where we learned many things like Hijacking, using two guns at once, and that when you put Halo online people lose their personal live. We did have to say good-bye to many things though we lost our god pistol (no more scope...I'm not crying...its just something in my eye) we also said our farewells to the Assault Rifle replacing it with some sort of 'better' weapon the Battle Rifle some sort of three round burst gun with the scope from the pistol, it must have gone somewhere. After killing the monkey with superpowers Tartarsauce(Tartus(did I spell that right?)) and f***king Gravemind's Mom we took control of the Halo! Finally we have some sort of moral back and we just might have some hope. Bungie made an annoying ending so that all the 8 year old nerds could get a life. However when they started complaining they just said "lol nope" and took too long to make Halo 3 and with its short campaign. In the end Gravemind captures Cortana and tries to rape her until MC comes saves her. Then She rapes MC.

Halo 3/Battles on EarthEdit

After so much waiting and over 1.5 million pre-orders we finally have the last (for now) chapter in the Halo history. We finally had our reunion with our Assault Rifles and the Brute Chopper made an appearance with the Elephant. We had some new weapons like the Missile Pod and the Gravity Hammer, but we had to say so-long to the Rocket Launcher's lock on feature (where did that go? It couldn't now be on the Battle Rifle, oh wait it is there, no that's just C33sypi3ChuckN077i5 with his aimbot.). But finally we had some sort of closure (not really but... we'll just say that until Bungie milks the cash cow one more time) After destroying the Ark and Johnson's utterly pathetic death to a lightbulb, the Master Chief hurtls throughout space and Cortana might die (glad that annoying voice and those Cortana moments will be gone (shudders). Now we wait for Halo 4, I'll be here all day, it should take that long for them to develop the game, but the hype should take a year or so.

Please be aware, there's spoilers on this article. Unfournately, we told you this after you read them.

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