The Harvest Campaign is just a fancy way of explaining how thousands of UNSC Marines were slain by grunty power.
Your ass. That's the background. I sure do talk about ass a lot don't I? Anyway, George W. Bush founded the colony of harvest in 2001. He used it to combat terrorism and... Wait, he colonized a planet to counter al-qaeda? The fuck is he gonna do? Throw the god damned planet at their faces? Yeah, that would sure be fun to watch. George W. Bush in his texas tighty whities saying "Ay Turrorist! Fuck You!!! God I'm such a dick. Next the Covedicks planned to assault the planet because it had some shit. I mean does it really matter? They just wanted to start a war because they were bored off their asses. Hell I don't blame them. Sitting down in their little temples like "hallelujah praise satan!" If I keep talking like this I'm bout to get my ass kicked. I'm so sorry guys. Back to the topic... Oh Shit! someone is fighting outside! Kick his ass Treyshawn!!
The Asian Invasion Begins Edit
Well the subheading pretty much says it all. Smart One.
UNSC Counter Attack Edit
The Covedicks I mean Covenant had immense technological superiority over their UNSC counterparts. The Covenant had advanced Xfinity high speed internet technology while the UNSC had that slow ass U-verse connection. In some cases the UNSC tried to shove a missle up their asses only to have it buffer prematurely. You see that shit America? That is why the other countries are beating us you know! Who do you think won this shit? The Covedicks of course! I mean, They can stream live movies and T.V. Shows whenever they want, anytime they want! Only with Xfinity. You can watch Gotham, Supernatural, Arrow, or Honey Boo... No, let's not go there! Never! Ever! In the history of Ever! As I was saying the UNSC came in like Amurica! Fuck ya! Kaboom bitch! into a thousand little pieces! Ok, Ok, I'm done I promise I'm going to tell you the real epicness of the Harvest Campaign! Ok here goes! Wikipedia says Add text here so I guess either it doesn't exist or no one cares. So um... yeah EPICNESS!
Retaking Harvest Edit
So The UNSC was like "hey Lashonda I heard you was talking shit and... Ok I know that's not fair And this site says anyone could edit right? I know people are probably like this little kid has issues! Or this kid is Rascist! First of all... You might be correct about that second one but... You know what? I'm hungry are you guys hungry? I'm going to put down this amazing bomb ass recipe for cereal pizza here ya guys go my treat!
Cinnamon toast crunch? Fuck That! Cinnamon crunch squares bitch!
Fruity pebbles? Fuck That! Fruity Rice!
Lucky Charms? They got me fucked up! Marshmellow's and stars!
Fruits loops? That's not what the fuck I found! Fruit Rounds!
Last but not least, Frosted Flakes? Nah Mother Fucker Frosted... Flakes? Oh shit that actually says Frosted Flakes. Someone owes Tony some money they got a lawsuit on their hands!
So knead the mother fuckin dough then throw that shit in the oven and let it cook for... Just let it cook! Once you take it out put all the cereal on that bread! Cinnamon crunch squares, Fruity rice, Marshmellow's and stars, Fruit Rounds, and Frosted Flakes! (I still don't know how they get away with that shit when they know damn well...) And finally put some whipped cream and throw that shit in the oven one more time. (I dare you to try this shit!)
Retaking Harvest Asshole!! Edit
Oh shit! That's what I was supposed to be talking about! So At first it was going well, Then their U-verse took a turn for the worse and their modem crapped out! No Wi-Fi or nuthin sucka! No real housewives! No Project runaway and I know you perves like this one! No Naked and Afraid! Seems like they will make a show about anything these days huh? And most of all No Honey Boo... NO SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP DAMN IT! What was supposed to be a decisive win, ended up being five years of Awful Viral Cat Videos. Could You Imagine that? Five years of hell if you ask me!
Halo Wars Episode VI The Covedicks Strike Back! Edit
Daaaa!! Da!! Da Da Da!! Dadadadadadadadada!! Da da da... No? Star Wars anybody? Come on! You guys saw this coming. I mean if you go to Halo Nation and look up Harvest Campaign it says the Covenant strike back I just thought it would be funny. No? Fuck it! Go look up viral cat videos then! No I'm just kidding I enjoy your company I promise! Following the Covedicks victories in space they did the most horrible thing anyone could do! They sent in their secret weapon of mass destruction! One capable of annoying all of harvest! The Kardashians! AWW MAH GAWWW!!! They Kardashianed the surfaced with all their might! The UNSC ran for the hills, but all was lost! The Covedicks discovered Little round shit balls on the planet and were interested in them for some reason so they sent an excavation team and... Yawn! A Kardashian joke really? I mean is this what it came to? And no one gives a shit what the Covedicks wanted with harvest! Don't you guys notice the piss poor names of planets in this franchise? I mean seriously! Harvest? Reach? Arcadia... Is decent but really? George W. Bush couldn't have named them something else? I mean he did use Harvest to combat terrorism and shit. Ok back to the topic, So badaboom badabang Covedickies Die UNSC Dies nothing special here! NEXT!!