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Halo warz

Halo Warz

Halo wars - Also known as Powder Wars was a game not developed by Bungie. It failed generally. Halo wars did however solve many of the Great Mysteries of Halo, like why the stupid Marines love friendly fire so much, and can't

drive at all. Reason: They are trained in under a minute in a tiny building known as the barracks (Although it may be built partially underground or have TARDIS-like properties as you can fit about 300 in there) and in less than ten minutes you might have trained ODSTs too. You can either win the game by having skill and building an army. Or build 2 Scarabs and 10 Floating Ballsacks to mercilessly slaughter anything in its path.

How it failed Edit

  • Still skull-crack-Alberto del Gordo's cocaine addicted Spartans.
  • Lots of people hate it for no reason at all.
  • An RTS on a console was never going to work. The controller doesn't let you micro-manage properly (and the game doesn't allow you to at all). I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT MY MICROMANAGING! AAGH!
  • A month after its initial release, there were more than nineteen disowned copies of Halo Bores in a certain store. Nineteen. That's more than ten + eight. REAL FACT!
  • The "Socket Base" setup where you can only place buildings in very specific spots with adjacent (and inadequate) turrets.
  • You hardly need to think to play it. RTS fans do not like this and people too stupid to be any good at RTS games won't play it.
  • It rode on the success of the existing Halo franchise like we rode your mother last night.
  • He who rushes (with a Scarab) the fastest prevails.
  • It takes forever to make your army then the enemy has the nerve to destroy it all!
  • Arbiter Retarbiturd
  • A sarcastic asshole of a hologram (*cough* SERENA)

How it didn't fail Edit

  • Awesome cut-scenes.
  • An admittedly awesome soundtrack.
  • 3 Fartans are better than 1 that always hears voices.
  • A really cool part where Spartans did flips and matrix shit to take down a crap load of Elites.
  • Anders, we think.
  • Replacing Whoretana with an AI who actually wears clothes and doesn't appear to be on her period.
  • Marines are trained tortured to not cause friendly fire.
  • That cool thing, remember? Yeah, that was great.
  • The white mofo
  • Wuv-Woo skull hehehe! (the game magically injects you with crack but shhhh, only the n00bs are supposed to know that)
  • Badass Fricken Elephants
  • Badass Fricken Scarabs
  • Badass Frickin Badasses
  • Duke Nukem
  • Ninjas
  • Giant robots
  • Battle in space
  • The pelican doesn't crash in every level (Yes it does, it just has the courtesy to wait until it's offscreen)
  • No Mongeese
  • No Cortana bitching
  • Sgt. Porge (Forge) is a Hero in a WORTWORTWORTWarthog

In short Edit

Depends. If you don't like real-time strategy games, BUY IT OR I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU AND RAPE YOUR MOTHER! If you like real-time strategy games, BUY IT OR I WILL SHOVE COPIES OF AGE OF EMPIRES UP YOUR RECTUM AND RAPE YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!!! it's a pretty DAMN AWESOME one. If you hate real-time strategy games, this is the game to burn. Or give it to the extremist Halo nerd (someone with a name like AK 47 YOU, AK47Y0U, or STALIO CUMTOS) who lives next door and who's mommy won't just BUY him one.

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