AV Johnson
This article is too damned short, Marine! You will help Gruntipedia by making it larger so it will fit the screen, fool!

Respawn in 5...4...3...2...1...

This page needs to be rewritten.

Please discuss how it could be improved on its talk page.

For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on Halo 3.

— Leonidas on the finale to the Halo trilogy
Cquote1In Soviet Russia, The Fight Finishes You!Cquote2
— Russian Guide to Halo 3
Cquote1Were it so easy...Cquote2
— Arbiter boasting to Elites about finishing Halo 3 on Legendary
Cquote1I wanted this fight finished ten minutes ago, Marine!Cquote2
— Lord Hood bossing Johnson around
Cquote1How does an artical on something so major get such a crappy artical?Cquote2
— Master Chief

Halo 3 was the shittiest last good game in the Halo series. Where the fuck did it go? Maybe Battlefield did it. Nah, they're probably too busy sucking up to Cock of Doody: Modern Whorefare Wee.(MW3)


When the game begins, Chuck Norris and his retarded guys are back on Earth without sexy ass Cortana, where the Covenant-loyal chumps (Brutes, Drones, Cute Little Grunts, Hunters and Jackals), led by that fucking retard, have pretty much screwed up Earth.

God and the Arby retrieve the Master Chief from a stupid jump from orbit, landing in a jungle. The three of them manage to make it to Crow's Nest, they were having a party over there. When the three got there, Miranda Keyes, manager of the party, came and got reacquainted with Chief. Chief was all like "Damn, I'd hit those lips!" and followed her to where the most commotion in the party was. When walking, two Marine drag pass some hooligan on a cart who was jumping around and fell on some sharp objects. Miranda tells them how fun the party was along the way, when they got there, they started dancing. In the middle of the dance, the lights were dimmed, and some pussy marine screamed. But then, they cut off, crashing the party. The Prophet got offended that no one invited him and launched an attack to confiscate their Pizza and pot. Chuck Norris was sent into the outer parts of the party building to kill those Party Poopers, only to be left alone against a bunch of Party Crashers. He destroyed the party with a bomb of Gruntiness.

Then Chief led the surviving marines to the city of Voi. There, Marines, Chief and the Arby destroy the Anti-Air gun and watch as the Useless ships and their Useless MAC rounds attempt to destroy the Fear/Afraid/Dreadnought.

But all in vain, as the Deadnought induces massive doses of Gruntiness in the atmosphere, causing a great black dick to appear out of nowhere and disappears to an entirely different part of the galaxy, leaving the humans to moan about AIDS and Cake.

The Master Chief and the Arbiter attempt to fight off the AIDS and retrieve a recording of Cortana. Floaty guy arrives by an Elite ship. After that, Master Chief has sex with Miranda in the Forward Unto Dawn, then goes into the Pelican.

They had a Roller-coaster ride-style drop into the place that made the Hula Hoops!.

Arby and The Chief murder that ol' Prophet and make a run for it. Then AIDS come and mess everything up.

They go to a new Hula Hoop, and have a dance jam on High Charity with The AIDS. Then, Master Chief wins a prize: CORTANA!!!!(then she rapes him like never before because she missed him so mch she would die) He then reveals he was a spy, then the AIDS try to kill him, but he destroys their place.

After all the stuff, they have a party on Earth because the Master Chief died.

But, unbenownst to them, the Chief was waiting in space to get back at them for throwing a party without him and his girlfriend.

While in space in Cryo-sleep, MC was kept getting raped by Cortana in her "life-size" form (Like from Halo legends.) Oh how Cortana has so much love for MC.

Soon Chief and Cortana and the piece of shit there clinging on to dear life on begins to to drift toward the planet shown in that McDonald's game series.

Master Chief soon finds out that his dear Miranda Keyes died (because she got a Spiker stuck up her ass by that pervert, the Prophet of Truth. His affection for Keyes is revealed, and he tries to kill Johnson for letting her die. However, after he has cut Johnson into 5 pieces, he realizes that Johnson was already dead before Chief started to "kill" him.

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.