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The Great Covenant Book of Jokes
The Great Covenant Book of Jokes
Author(s)
Publisher
Covenant Book
Date Released
2526
Length
Availability
Hardback
Shipping Weight
333 pounds
Price Listing
UNSC Price: $199.99
Covenant Price: $999.99
Grunt Price: $.33
Cquote1What do you call a Demon designated 117?Cquote2
— Truth
Cquote1Erm, I don't knowCquote2
— A random Grunt
Cquote1John! Haha! Hahaha!Cquote2
— Prophet Truth
Cquote1Ha...haha...ha...I don't get it.Cquote2
— Grunt
Cquote1Execute him...Cquote2
— Truth

The Great Covenant Book of Jokes was a holy text written by the Prophet of Lies, but he died soon after (bummer). It was then that the Prophet of Truth finished the book for him. It was designed to keep up Covenant morale and spirit, but was soon discovered to consist of truly dreadful jokes, and has been deemed their downfall in the Human-Covenant War. It has been confirmed that this is the only book in the libraries of Covenant and has been attributed as the #1 cause of suicides on the Covenant side. How ironic.

Chapters Edit

When it gets annoying to have to scroll down to the bottom of the page, or it takes too long to load, archive older jokes in chapters.

Truth's Known Jokes Edit

The Arbiter: A Brute had no idea his lover was having an affair, so he was mad with grief when coming home early one day, he caught them in the act. He grabbed a Spiker and pointed it at his head, which made his lover burst out laughing. "What do you think you're laughing at?" he cried. "You're next."


Romeo: So why doesn't the Rookie talk?

The Rookie: .......

Buck: Because he didn't get permission to.


Truth: I see you!!!

Human: I see you?

Truth: He does not see me, execute him!

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Truth: What do you call a yamme'e hit by a suppercarrier

Yamme'e: What

Truth: Splat

Yamme'e: *Splat*

Truth: AHAHAHAHAHAHA Execute Him


Truth: Why did the jackal cross the energy bridge?

Rtas 'Vadum: Uhh *looks at feet nervously* to...get to the other side?

Truth: NO! To reach the Holy Potatoes of Enlightenment! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! EXECUTE HIM!


Truth: How many HUMANS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Human: Hmmm... I'm going to have to say...hey, wait! I am a human!

Truth: He dares to question me, execute him!

Same Human:@$$hole


Truth: What do you call a grenade that sticks to the male parts?

Chief: A plasma grenade?

Truth: No, a fag grenade!!!

Chief: Buttard...


Truth: He dares to insult me! EXECUTE HIM!

Chief: HOW DARE YOU ( grabs spartain laser)

Truth: died


Truth: What do you call an orange plasma grenade?

Tartar-Sauce: "uhh" a Firebomb?"gulp"

Truth: It doesn't matter, its gonna kill you anyway! EXECUTE HIM!


(Prophet of) Truth: What do you call a very stupid prophet?

(Prophet of) Stupidity: Me?

(Prophet of) Truth: Oh...right... execute him....


Random Elite: Hey, err, uh, "half-jaw"... How do you even pronounce your name?

Rtas 'Vadum: ....

Rtas 'Vadum: I don't know. Rats in a vacuum?


Truth: What do you call uber pwnage?

Master Chief: This!

Master Chief shoots Truth with dual-wield Needlers until both run out of ammo, then pulls out a rocket launcher, locks onto Truth, shoots him twice, drops all his weapons, charges up to Truth, and starts bashing him up. Master Chief: FUCK YOU NOOB!


Miranda: What do you-UH!

Truth shoots her in the back with a spiker.

Johnson: NO!

Truth: Your ancestors wisely set aside their compassion... steeled themselves for what needed to be done- and let ME tell the jokes!

Arbiter: It shall not last!

Truth: Your kind never believed in the promise... of good jokes!

Gravemind: LIES FOR THE WEAK! BEACONS FOR THE DELUDED!

Truth: NO! I. Am. Truth. The teller of jokes!

Arbiter: And so... you must be silenced.

Arbiter shoves a death stick through Truth.

Truth: AAAAGGHHHH!


Truth: How many g-

Truth is stabbed by Arbiter's Death Spork, then is run over by a column of Scorpion tanks and blown up by 8 million needler shards.

Random brute: Take that noob!

Arbiter: That joke died a long time ago...and so did you.

Silence.

Arbiter tries to kill Johnson and epic fails.

Johnson: HA!


Johnson: Knock knock.

Chief: Who's there?

Silence.

Chief: Who's there?

Silence.

Chief: Who's there?


Silence


Chief: Asshole.


Truth: What do you get when an energy sword crosses with the Arbiter and a Prophet?

Arbiter: PWNAGE!

Truth: Huh? Wha-

The Arbiter stabs him with a death stick.

Arbiter: I PWNED YOU, NOOB!


Truth: What do you get when you cross a Wookiee and and Elite?

Elite: What?!

(pulls out energy sword)

Wookiee: Rawrrrrrrrr?!

(grabs bowcaster)

Truth: Um.................a brute! LMAO

Brute: What'd you just say?

Truth: Oh crap......

(Truth gets stabbed 250 times by an energy sword, shot 500 times with a bowcaster, slammed by the gravity hammer 306 times ,and shot 20 times by the Scarab)

Grunt: Hey whatcha guys doi....HOLY SHIT! You killed Truth? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

Brute: No.

Elite: Nope.

Wookiee: Rawr.

Grunt: IT MEANS............PARTY AT MY HOUSE! POT FOR EVERYONE! EVERYONE:HELL YAHHHHH! Truth: cool.

  • A grunt pushes truth off a cliff

truth is falling off the cliff when he finds a micro-phone.*

Truth: YOU WILL NEVER KILL ME!!!!!!!

Everyone: THAT IS IT!

*Truth is blown up by every grenade ever made [tel:[tel:[tel:[tel:1000000000000 1000000000000] 1000000000000] 1000000000000] 1000000000000] times,shot by every weapon ever made [tel:[tel:[tel:[tel:1000000000000 1000000000000] 1000000000000] 1000000000000] 1000000000000] times and is hit by every atack ever made 99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 times.

Truth is finally dead.


EVERYONE: HELLL YAH YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Truth's Ghost: I may be dead,but you'll never stop my reign of jokes!Muwahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Truth: Execute them!

Truth: How many grunts does it take to change a lightbulb?

Arbiturd: *instantly shoots a hole in the room [tel:[tel:[tel:[tel:99999999999999999 99999999999999999] 99999999999999999] 99999999999999999] 99999999999999999] times and tries to escape, but there is a force field* Sigh.... how many?

Truth: None! Because it was actually a plasma grenade and it blew everyone up!

  • Arbiturd takes out Truth's floaty chair from underneath him and is about to shoot him 999999999999999999 times*

Truth: EXECUTE H-

*executioner shoots truth 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 times with a energy sword shooting Jesus Pistol*


(Masterchief and Chuck Norris met in a restaraunt.

Chuck Norris: Hey aren't you my clone?

Master Chief: Yes I am.)

Darth Vader: Truth, I am your father!!!!!!!!!!1

Truth: no, i am your son!!!!!!

Arbiturd: it's the same thing

Truth: shut up Mr failo!!!!!!

Arbiturd:dont call me that!!!!


Truth: What do you call a grunt with a Jetpack

Grunt: I don't know,what

Truth: A jetgrunt

Grunt: Hahaha i don't get it

Truth: He does not g-...

Truth is hit by every weapon [tel:[tel:[tel:[tel:6272863638282673 6272863638282673] 6272863638282673] 6272863638282673] 6272863638282673] times,falls into every hole 738383678188272728 times and thrown into all fire and lava [tel:[tel:[tel:[tel:67272637372862 67272637372862] 67272637372862] 67272637372862] 67272637372862] times

Truth: I'm not dead!


Truth: What do you call a-

Dalek: EXTERMINATE

The Arbiter: Crossover! what the 637281637917389282

Luke Skywalker: I'm a Jedi

Spongebob: Bahahahahahhah

Truth: What do you call an elite with a face

Elite: I don't- HEY IM AN ELITE

Elite shoves a Truth in Truth in Truth in Truth

Elite: Your me

Elite: And im you two

Elite: So who's the real one

Elite: This appeared to create a time paradox when a different Elite killed Truth

Elite: Time to go into light speed!

All other elites: NOOOOO!

Elite: Hi

Slipspace portal opens,and a million elites come flying out

Truth: I'm back

Elite: i like justin bieber

Truth: Eugh, execute him

Elite: This is bad

Elite: Close the portal

Elite: This joke has been going on for too long,activate the time machine (activates it)

All the elites except the original dissapear

Elite: Phew

Elite: Let's kill Truth...

The Arbiter kills Truth and a million Master Cheifs come out of the slipspace portal

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Truth: knock knock.

Arbiter: (sighs) who's there.

Truth: YOUR FACE!!!

Arbiter: Truth...listen, I-

Truth: NO! you listen to ME, douchebag. Pongo doesn't like your bullshit.

Arbiter: What did you say?

Truth: Pongo said, watch your back cracker, or Pongo, is going to cut you open like a FISH.

Arbiter:...

Truth: HAHAHAHA! EXECUTE HIM! ________________________________________________________________________

Truth: What do you call a grunt with an energy sword?

Grunt: Idk, what?

Truth: umm... An energy grunt! Haha, im funny arent I?

grunt: .......

Truth: Execute him!

Arbiter: How many times has that joke been used on this wikia page?

Truth: He has broken the fourth wall. Execute him!

____________________________________________________________________________

Regret: According to a comment in the comment section, chapter 5 is fucked with all the format. I'm going to fix it.

Truth: Hey regret! What do you call an angry prophet?

Regret: Uh... You whenever someone fails to understand your jokes?

Truth: FUCK YOU REGreT, EXECUTE HIM NOW!

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