Gruntiness

From Gruntipedia

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This article is too damned short, Marine! You will help Gruntipedia by making it larger so it will fit the screen, fool!

I got my ass whooped.

— Chuck Norris on his fight against Gruntiness-charged Grunts

Woohoo! Yeehoo! I STICK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

— A grunt experiencing a minor dose of gruntiness

Anti-gruntiness? Of course not! I would never make something like that! By the way, care to try a milkshake?

— Tartar Sauce to a grunt who is soon to be anti-gruntified

Wort wort wort!

— An Elite after contracting Gruntiness

Grunt GizzGruntiness is a godly thing that makes Gods godly. It was discovered by the Grunt scientist, Dadab while he was making babies with a girl grunt, and is the source of all the Grunts power. It causes the cells of the Grunts to experience a sugar high, so they tell the brain to cool down. The brain refuses and decides to go ride a roller coaster. He leaves to the roller coaster so long that the sugar high takes over, but the former personality is kept. The sugar high causes the Grunt to experience their true Grunty potential of awesomeness. The awesomeness creates powers of gods and is potentially lethal to all those that get smacked by a Grunt. A warning to all non-Grunts: If any non-Grunt species, and that means you, so much as comes into contact with Gruntiness, you will be incinerated as you are not worthy of the divine power of the Grunt. The only way a Human can be granted Gruntiness is to go to your nearest volcano and jump in. If you survive (which you won't, unless you are this dude or the Chuck Norris) you will be given Gruntiness. Then, to access Gruntiness from then on, you must do the precious Grunty Dance, like the Grunt must do. However, Hunters have been known to have sudden outbursts of what is called Hunteriness, a concoction thought up by Dadab's rival from Middle School, Igido Nosa Hurru. Lord Kwarsh has banned the substance among Grunts, trying to keep it away from Hunters, who can even overpower Grunty Grunts when using Hunteriness. Elites have also been trying to create a formula for Elitiness, which would cause them to be able to defeat even death itself. It is likely to be made illegal.

[edit] HOW TO BE GRUNTY!! (Formula revealed!)

The scientific formula for gruntiness is G5G(1 part grunt, 5 parts godly). The recipe for the pure essence of gruntiness is as follows:

• 1 boiled grunt foot

• 1 cup of splattered grunt brain

• 500 cups of sugar

• The Captains pipe

• 1 Gummy Bear

• The Easter bunny

• 5 cups of liquid methane

• 1 tsp. salt

• A chocolate cell phone (Literelly)

• 7 Bacon slices (One sneezed on)

• 2 mashed Elite mandables (Yes, Half-Jaw donated those)

• 1/2 cups drone legs(chopped)

• 500 L Coka-Cola

• 1 L beer

• 2 L vodka

• Master Chief's Helmet

Mash all ingredients together and put them through a blender. Drink. And in the gas from the shisno, breath SLOWLY many die from inhaling to much gas in under 5 seconds.

!WARNING!: if you drink this beverage without being a grunt, you will have a 99.9 percent chance to have a slow and painful death while your head explodes, shoot confetti, and scream Yay!. But not to worry, there is still a .1 chance of simply dying a quick death.

Importatant Note the gruntiness can also be made for cheap by mixing

• 1 gallon of grunt gizz

• 2 pickled hunter worms and a partidge in a pear tree

Following his defeat at the hands of the armbiter, Tartar Sauce has begun to concoct an alleged "anti-gruntiness". He plans to mix it with every meal sold to a grunt ever. This makes the grunt have a sugar-low, making them obedient to Tartar Sauce's will. He plans to use this evil beverage to rule the universe and make everyone eat at McDonalds. Nobody cares, though.

The Gruntiness Song

What Grunts look like when they come in contact with Gruntiness for the first time.

A Gruntiness fountain.

A Grunt doing the Gruntiness Dance, an ancient ritual that was invented by Dadab to imbue the grunt with Gruntiness

Grunt juiced with gruntiness