Grunt
From Gruntipedia
| This article is too damned short, Marine! You will help Gruntipedia by making it larger so it will fit the screen, fool!
|
| Respawn in 5...4...3...2...1...
This page needs to be rewritten. Please discuss how it could be improved on its talk page. |
<Vandalism and useless profanity, revising will commence soon>
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
- — Grunt upon seeing the Master Chief
- Not again
- — grunt upon being stuck by a plasma grenade
- peanutbutterpeanutbutterpeanutbutterpeanutbutter
- — What all grunts want for their never reached first birthday
- I'll kill the Demon! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Oh, it's you.
- — Grunt upon seeing another Grunt
- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
- — Grunt upon seeing a Brute
- NOO! He's back! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
- — Grunt upon seeing the same Brute a few seconds later
- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
- — Grunt upon seeing everything, really
- OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH...
- — Grunt upon seeing a Food Nipple
- AHHHH! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!
- — Grunt after watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother
- He's Murdering us alive!
- — One of few grunts after you kill brute leaders
- AHHHHHHHH!! No stop!! Wait... Erm... URRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...
- — Grunt seeing the Master Chief and getting melee-ed
- Time to have some fun!!!
- — A Brute to grunt in an empty room
Grunts, also known as pigs, chimpanzees, gas sucker, fart-breather, cutie pies (To Elites) or those things that suck so hard, or the result of Natalie Wood and James Carryl( after sundown), are the cannon fodder of the covenant. They are known to huff lighter fluid in their spare time as well as attending the Nipple Academy before becoming the Gods of the Covenant.
Grunt's skulls have a odd tendency to explode when shot. At first, the head would explode with the force of a grenade, killing nearby friendly troops who would then say fuck my life. The Covenant made a chemical put into the Grunt's nipples that stop them exploding so fiercely. The downside of this chemical is that it turns the Grunt's brain different colours so it resembles confetti. The Grunt also gets an uncontrollable urge to shout "Yay!" in a childlike voice before dying and randomly throws confetti.
Contents |
[edit] History
Despite seeming to be the weakest creatures in the Covenant (sentient or not), Grunts are actually the real masterminds behind the Covenant's religious crusade against everything and anything that doesn't agree with it. Controlling even the Prophets from behind the scenes, Grunts only act cowardly and weak to throw off suspicion to their Prophet scapegoats.If the covenant decides to turn against the grunts,the grunts will Whip out the Food nippledestroy the Covenant.
It was, in fact, the Grunts who created the Halo's and Brittany Spears, gave the Covenant the advanced technologies, created the wheel, gave Moses the Three Commandments( 1: shut the hell up, 2: there are no more jolly ranchers they're all gone, 3: when we pass a sign please don't read it out loud), and were there when a god-like creature created the Universe. They promptly ate him, agreeing that he/she/it tasted mildly of strawberry. They then moved in, and have spent the last 12 billion years trashing Sarah Palin's pussy.
Grunts have an average IQ of 3,000,000 (explained by many scientists to be due to the fact that their brain is made of confetti), easily enough to see that handing them a gun and sending them against so many heathens is a stupid way to wage war. So they dont. They sit down and enter a meditative state, meant to destroy their enemies morale. Unfortunately, stupid members of the Covenant and most humans mistake this for laziness. Nothing could be further from the truth...
Even when they appear to run away from their attackers, they are really luring them into an ambush, for dying doesn't really kill the marvelous Grunts, their spirit will be reborn in Great Mama's nipples and threw off in a body of a new grunt with ancient knowledge so they can complete their life cicle again.
NOTE: It should be stated that a Grunt wrote this article, to enlighten incredible Earthies about the greatness of his people. You shallkill us the great Darth Yayap. The Covenant also put acid up the Grunt's penis which is why they panic when they see MC, because seeing him activates the acid in their penis's so when they panic when they see you they are actually screaming and crying because the acid burns their penis's
[edit] Physiology and history
Grunts are born short. They live short, they shoot short, I'm just are...short. While the game manual seems to say they are five feet tall, most of the time, humans seem at least two feet taller. This size, coupled along with their obvious mental deficiencies efficiencies, begs the question "why are they even in the Covenant military?" This is because of three things. They have numbers, and screw like crazy. In addition, after nearly turning their world into a pretty ball of shiny glass, the Elites felt bad for them, and offered them a place into their military force. In actuality, the Elites found them to be humorous, the same way a bully finds a victim humorous, and has him do things that no one else would do, all the while claiming that they were "friends", when in reality, the bullies were laughing at the gullible pawns. Little did they know that the Prophets were doing the same thing to them. And the Grunts were doing the same thing to the prophets. Kinda ironic. Lastly, Grunts can fully heal from a gunshot wound in about a minute
The strange thing about Grunts is that while they appear to be strong, they rarely ever use this strength. You can see a Grunt carrying around a Fuel Rod Cannon in one arm without any effort, but they never hit anyone. They hide that strength away from everyone, if anyone knew, their plans for galaxy domination would be discovered and a lifetime of planment would go down the flush. Also, if they hit someone, the "Legendary" description would not be suited, it had to be "more-than-suicidal". They try to put the game a little balanced by playing the role of "weaklings". this strength has been shown with an immunity to AIDS and the ability to fling 100 plasmas in three seconds.
In case of prolonged missions in space they eat lots of beans, thereby providing them with sufficient farts air.
[edit] Heroes
Grunts have had many heroes, from the grunt that encited the Grunt Rebellion to that one Grunt that killed thirty S-IIIs with one fuel rod cannon shot. Grunts consider anybody who doesn't run away from a spider or dares to swear a hero. Unfortunately for Grunt culture, Grunts do not feel like remembering surnames, so all known Grunt heroes are as follows:
- Grunt Lee - Was the first Grunt to learn Kung-Fu from a human(and an elite -check out the section of known elites) named Bruce Lee. (If ya know what I mean)
- Yayap - (also remembered as Darth Yapap in the Grunt culture) Helped Master Chief destroy the first Halo by betraying his "commanding" Elite and giving Cortana access to The Pillar of Autumn's computer systems.
- Dadab - Yapap's cousin, who made first democratic contact with the arrogant humans and ate their entire farming world in one meal.
- Kwassass - Activated Grunt-made thermonuclear device and destroyed the entire betraying elite fleet.
- Fo'Shizzle - Random Grunt # 12,507,953,757 who likes needlers, fuel rods, and pie. He applied for the position of 'The Final Grunt' for Halo 3, but didn't make it because he was too lame.
- Random Grunt - Provides quotes for nearly EVERYTHING!
- Taters-He killed over five-million AIDS.
- Whoru-He killed Master Chief.
- Jabyaber- The only Grunt to have a chocolate food nipple and is constantly protecting it.
- Kokok'ee (MasterGrunt)-The son of Grunt Lee, the first grunt that came up with the epic Grunt-Fu(adapted from KungFu).
- Sir Nipple - The only living grunt to have 3 nipples.
- IAMGAY - The first Grunt scientist to figure out how Elites got the form of their mouth
- Ravemind - really made out of thousands of grunts (why he is soo awsome)
- Kwarsh-ruler of the grunty universe
- Jet Grunt- An Asian grunt movie star of the present day, like Grunt Lee, he learned his skills from a human. And Grunt Jack who helped the Master Chief and the Arbiter
[edit] Combat style
Their Combat seems to be based off of the method 8 year olds react to a bully: They scream and run away while shitting their pants like babys. Sometimes however, they throw their plasma pistols at their enemy. Other times, they spit at their enemies. Their other combat style is not too bright either, it involves setting really sissy traps that never works. Their traps include taking a shit on the floor and trying to make the humans think "Oh! There is a pile of Frappuccino on the floor! Lets drink it!" but apparently fails miserably. Other than that, they use the good old classic "banana peel trick" which again never works, but instead, it attracts Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong.
| The Covenant | ||
| Testicle Chins | Xenomorphs | The big fluffy ones | Mods | ||
| Those huge bastards with big guns | Gigantasaurus Neverappearus | ||
| Space Wasps | Sniper Turkeys | The little cute ones | ||
