For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on Grifball.
Cquote1The sport of kings, gentlemen and Chuck NorrisCquote2
— Oscar Wilde
Cquote1I've never seen such a display of pure awesomeness in all my life!Cquote2
Cquote1It reminds me of that dying person in my backyardCquote2
— Some sicko that didn't try to help the dying person in his backyard.

Grifball is the national sport of the UNSC.

How to play the game Edit

There are two teams with each player starting out with a very own gravity spammer. They need to race to the bomb and when they pick it up, they turn into the mega yellow Grif which means they die either by getting wanked whacked by a Gravy Hammer or when you plant the bomb which makes you win the game.

American Grifball League of America Edit

The American Grifball League of America (AGLA) is the national league of Grifball. There are 12 teams in the league which is divided into 2 divisions with the top two teams in each division going to the finale.


  1. No performance enhancing drugs (Gruntiness, Hunterishness etc).
  2. No teamkilling fucktardness allowed.
  3. No killing the referee (added 2009).
  4. No fucking foul language. Take your fucking swears outside and fucking shove it, fucktard.
  5. No aiming for the crotch which includes: the testes, the tinker, the buttocks, the crundle, the faahs, the tuffit and the buhduss

Teams Edit

  • The Human Noobs (Marines). Usually considered the worst team in the league next to the Jellyfish.
  • The Bumble Bees (Drones). These guys use baseball bats instead of Gravy Hammers (the hammers weighs more than them).
  • The Wort Wort Worts (Elites) Their favourite tactic is to whip out their Energy shanks, yell "Arghh!!!" and charge their enemies. They haven't won a game since their match-up against the Humans back in '08.
  • The Apes (Brutes). Despite what you might think, these guys prefer to throw away their hammers and use their own hands to rip off their enemies heads and (if they need to) shit down their necks.
  • The Quaking Worms (Hunters). Undefeated winners since 2007. Guess why.
  • Kick-ass Men (Spartans). Second place since 2007.
  • Turkeys and Turkeys on Roids (Jackals and Skirmishers). Wins their games by singing.
  • Pimpin' Testicle Chins (Prophets). Because of physical frailty their only chance to win is to hope their enemies shows mercy. Fat chance.
  • Pope Yayap's Slaves (Grunts). Plasma grenades!!!
  • Teh Forerunner's Bitches (Sentinels, Enforcers, Constructors, and Monitors. 343 Guilty Spark leads this team). They have no arms so they resort to lazor the shit out of their opponents.
  • Worse Than Some Griffball Teams (Engineers). These guys are pacifists so they never win. Never.
  • The AIDS (Flood). Assimilates their opponents.

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