This is an archive of older jokes in the Great Covenant Book of Jokes.

Jokes Edit

Truth: Knock Knock.

Elite: Who's there?

Truth: Ivan.

Elite: Ivan who?

Truth: Ivan enormous snake in my pocket.

Elite: ...

Truth: He does not laugh EXECUTE HIM!

Truth: What do you call a Human?

Brute: I don't know. What do you call a Human?

Truth: Vermin!

Human: Arrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhh.......

Truth is shot twice by a rocket launcher, run over by a Scorpion tank, and blown up by a fag grenade.

J'sta: Knock knock.

Truth: Who's there?

Humans: Didint we just kill him?

Truth: J'sta who?

J'sta: J'sta Friendee.

Truth: Don't dawdle, come in then.

J'sta then kills truth

Truth: How many Grunts does it take to screw a light bulb?

343 Guilty Spark: What?

Arbiter: One, to ask a mighty Elite to do it.

Truth: No! Five, they all stand on each other's heads.

Arbiter: Were it so easy...

Truth: Knock knock.

Mercy: Who's there?

Truth: Chester.

Regret: Chester who?

Truth: Chester minute, don't you know who I am?

Mercy and Regret: Fuck you truth.

Truth: What do you call a group of 5 or more Hunters?

Johnson: A lot of worms in cans?

Truth: No, your death.hahahahahycoughwheezehahahahgagshahhhh.

Truth: What do you call an Elite cookie that's not in the Covenant?

Tartar Sauce: *sigh* What?

Truth: A cook.

Tartar Sauce: Lame.

Truth: EXECUTE HIM!!!!!!!!!!

Truth: What do you call a Greek Spartan?

Arbiter: A gladiator?


Arbiter: Kill me, or release me, but do not waste my time not with jokes.

Random Brute: What jokes?

Truth: Knock kno-

Johnson: Wait, why are you telling all the jokes here?

Arbiter: If they qualify as jokes.

Grunt:Oh no you didn't.

Truth: Arbiter, you are a loser.

Arbiter: Rtas 'Vadumee is a bigger loser!! HE lost the infinite sucker!!

Rtas 'Vadumee: ASSHOLE!!!!!!

Truth: And you lost Halo.

Arbiter: :(

Tartar Sauce: "cough" owned.

Arbiter: Oh yeah you lost High Charity.


Truth: What do you call a stupid loser?

Mercy: I don't know. What?

Truth: "Regret".

Regret: FUCK YOU TRUTH!!!!

Regret then shoots 'Truth with 10 rockets,100 needles,and 100 shotgun shells.

Truth: How many Grunts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

343 Guilty Spark: According to your previous answer to this incorrect scenario, "5".

Truth: No, one to go ask a mighty Brute to do it.

Arbiter: And so, you must be silenced.

Arbiter stabs Truth with his Death Stick.

Truth: How many Grunts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Arbiter: I don't really care, Prophet

Truth: If it's 343 Guilty Spark, none! He's already screwed up! Hahahahhahaah!!!

Eyeball 3000 shoots Truth with his wanna-be Spartan Laser. Arbiter shoots Truth with a Carbine until it misfires and blasts the eye of Robot's dick out.

343 Guilty Spark: FUCK YOU ARBITER!!!!

Truth: What do you call a giant Human in green armor?

Brute: I don't know, great hierarch. What is the answer?

Truth: I don't know you buffoon! That's why I asked you.

Grunt Demon. Ahh!

Truth Ooops.

Truth: What is in the middle of "The Great Journey"?

Brute: *gulp*Once we arrive, you will be*prays to god he is right*.

Truth: No you imbecile! It's a "t".EXECUTE HIM!!!!!

Truth: Why did MB cross the road?

Brute: Why are you using forum speak?

Truth: To JOIN the other side! HAHAHAHA... KILL HIM!

Truth: Why Caboose is the most bad ass character?

Johnson: Why you little! Imma the most bad-ass character!

chokes Truth.

Truth: I *erghh* just want *arghh* the answ- *arghhh herghh ahh kill*erghhh*him*

Master Chief: Haha! I shall now throw dust in your eyes!

Marine: Damn you! I can't see!

D'am-U 'Icantsee: Yes?

Truth: How many grunts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Arbiter: According to the last time you made this joke - "1".

Truth: Wrong! The answer is "8". One to notice that the bulb needs to be changed, five to stand on each other's heads to unscrew the old one, one to get a new bulb and the last one to call a mighty Brute to screw in the light bulb.

Arbiter: Grrrrrr...

Arbiter stabs Truth in the same place with his Death Spoon. Everyone:YAY!!!!!

Truth: How many grunts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Arbiter: Let me guess - "8".

Truth: Wrong! The answer is "0". They don't need a light bulb - they can use a flashlight.

Arbiter: Arrrrrrggggggg....does anyone have a Plasma Pistol so that I may end these bad excuses of jokes?

Random Grunt: We're out of Plasma Pistols - 117 took all of them so that he can sell them on the Black Market to buy a new armour.

Arbiter: Next time I'll kill both him and this Prophet of Lame.

Zuka 'Zamamee: Hey, D'am-U 'Icantsee.

D'am-U 'Icantsee: Excuse me?

Excuse 'mee: What, D'am-U?

D'am-U 'Icantsee starts brawling with Excuse 'mee.

Truth: How many grunts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Arbiter: Let me guess - "0". If its wrong I'm going to rip your tiny head off your body and teabag your head so hard my ass will fall off.

343 Guilty Spark: Please! Let me kill him like I did dat whore .

Truth: How many gru-WAIT I KILLED THE WHORE

John-117: I'm back with a MJOINR C!

Grunt: Oh goodie! Now we can kill him!

Brute: Let the Great Journey begin!


Everyone kills truth

Truth: How many...

Arbiter: Wait, wait, wait. Is this another one of those stupid grunt and light bulb jokes?

Truth: Well... kinda.

Arbiter draws his Energy Sword.

Truth: Wait! Can I just say this joke?

Arbiter: Fine. But do it quick - the battery of my Energy Sword needs to be recharged.

Truth: How many 117s does it take to screw a light bulb? The answer is *drum roll music*... "1". One to contact Cortana to tell her to get into the system and get the old bulb to shine again.Huh?Huh?

Arbiter: From all other stupid jokes you made, this was the stupidest. Heck, that's not even funny. I'm getting the fuck out of here.

John-117: Grrrr... waves fist

Truth: Did anyone notice that I didn't get hurt in the last joke?

Truth's chair thingy malfunctions and he shoots straight up through the attic.

Truth: Me and my big mouth.

In the corner of the room, Chief and Cortana high five.

Truth: Again, how many grunts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Master Chief: Your technology is so great, yet you still have light bulbs?

Truth: Um, well no...

Master Chief: So, as a warning, there is no need for anymore light bulb jokes (I know where you live.)

Truth: Wait, that gives me an idea! The answer is "0", because we don't use light bulbs! AHAHAHAHAHA!

Master Chief: THAT'S IT!!! (activates the rings.)

Truth: What do you call a grunt that doesn't scream "yay!" and doesn't shoot confetti from his mouth when given a headshot.

Master Chief: I don't know, but the player didn't have the Grunt Birthday Party skull on.

Truth: ....What?

Truth: Knock knock.

Grunt: Who's there?

Truth: Boo.


Truth: ...oops...

Guilty Spark: ...That wasn't supposed to happen....

Truth: ...Shut up lightbulb....

Truth: How many gr-

Arbiter stabs Truth.

Arbiter:Please stay dead!

Truth: How many gr-

Arbiter: Dammit kill that HOE!!!!!!

Truth is stabbed several times by a energy sword, run over by a ghost, and blown up into the air by a fuel rod gun

Truth: What do you call a grunt eating a french fry?

Arbiter: This better not be lame

Truth: A joopankifrikag! Hahahahahahahaha!

Arbiter: ... That was random. In fact, that doesn't make any sense.

Truth Okay, then I'll tell another one. How many gr-

Truth is shot several times by a spiker, run over by a banshee and sent flying with a gravity hammer and then a grunt craps all over his face

Arbiter: Please stay dead please stay dead.

Truth: What birthday present does a prophet give?

Master Chief: A shiny new assault rifle that actually does damage?

Truth: No, AIDS! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha - uh oh.

Truth is shot right in the face by a Splazar, blown up by 1 billion needler shards, and run over by the Pillar of Autumm and another grunt craps all over his face

Truth: What do you call a squad of marines?

Johnson: A bad-ass?

Truth: No, n00bs! Hahahahahahahaha!

Squad of marines: Grrrr...

Truth: Uh SAVE ME! HELP!

Truth is shot several times by a M6D pistol, run over by a mongoose and given a direct headshot by a sniper rifle and yet another grunt craps on truths face

Truth: Why do I taste grunt shit?

3 grunts high five in the corner

Truth: What do you call a spartan that can cook?

Arbiter: Do I really care?

Truth: The Master CHEF!!! HAHAHAHAHA

Arbiter: And so you must be sile... wait a minute, that was actually funny. *head asplodes*

Truth: Yo mama is so fat that-

Brute: Wait, so now you tell Yo momma jokes????

Truth: Yes, i find that yo momma jokes are more funny so Arbitard won't shove death sticks up my ass again.

The Arbiter then shoves a death stick up truths ass.

Random Grunt: haha!

Truth: Excute him!!!

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