Flood
From Gruntipedia
No one knows where Flood AIDS originated. It is known, however, that it destroyed an entire race of super-beings known as the Forerunners. The afflicted are more commonly known as the Flood. However, everyone agrees that AIDS Floods and semi-solid brown water is an extremely potent weapon of mass destruction; even if it does look like Tartar sauce's special Meaty Monday Surprise(seriously, how can he swallow that stuff, it looks like shit!) Their main goal in life is to rape Michael Jackson, however, he died. When Rick Astley's brother (a.k.a. Master Chief) came into town it turned into a matter of who will rape Michael Jackson, he was still dead. The Flood attempt to succeed by infecting everybody in the planet with AIDS while Master Chiefs plan is to fire his lazah at all the Butt heads afflicted and little squid dudes. The little squid dudes captured Michael Jackson and raped his dead, rotting corpse in their lair, High Charity.
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[edit] Infection
Infection with drowning generally leads to a phase of aggression, in wich the afflicted is unaware of damage taken or threats to personal safety. After this phase comes a period of determined and extreme in-breeding, where the afflicted will end up bearing their own mutant babies. Eventually, the afflicted become self-aware, and commit suicide, unleashing waves of small forms composed of pure Popcorn. These forms then seek to infect others, thus repeating the cycle of afflicted, butthead, little squid dude. Some are resistant to drowning from Floodz mostly Grunts with the Gruntiness and masks but Bumblebees, Turkeys, and Cans of worms are not affected for some reason. We have our *cough* top *cough* scientists working on this now (okay, they're not our top, but they're good! ...Okay, maybe they were just janitors who wanted promotions and were ready to kill us all for it, but mark our words they will find a cure). Known Covenant Flood victims include the three Testicle Chin Hierarchs, whose names are Truth, Mercy, and Regret. Along with the Covenant holy city High Charity, which eventually became a giant ball of flood poop.
[edit] Forms of the Flood
[edit] Combat
The afflicted are not resistant to damage, they are simply unaware of it. The only reason a headshot from a sniper rifle kills an un-afflicted person is because the person believes it will. The afflicted, unhindered by this, appear resistant to damage. Therefore only weapons that cause catastrophic injuries, such as shotguns and rockets, are the most effective weapons. In layman's terms; big gun = big pwnage. The best weapon for fighting off Floods is the Blowtorch by boiling it before it floods your home and drowns you in brown water (semi-solid o.0). Also Arnold Schwarzenegger inflicts a considerable damage to the afflicted. Try not to bring Chuck Norris as even he is scared to fight the AIDS.
[edit] Soccerball
This very rare form of fuck water is formed when AIDS Flooding gets its water on human or covenant with very rare disease called "butthead".
After infecting a human with "butthead", drowning strangely enlarges it's victims head so nearly all of the rest of the body is now in a very big ball that used to be the victims head. (One of known carriers of "butthead" was Captain Keyes, as you can see in Halo: Combat Evolved on level "Keyes" he is in a form of a fuck water bubble that looks like a gigantic testicle). this may or may not be because he ate too much fucking cake. Lol, just like the infected weirdo's penis.
[edit] Gravemind
It is known that the flood are controlled by a central intelligence known as a "Gravemind." Most believe that this Gravemind's true identity is that of Dr. Phil due to the consistent nagging, ferocious temper, and bad jokes. It is unknown how Dr. Phil is able to slow down a 1,000 pound Spartan II super soldier, blur his vision, speak to him, and, overall annoy him though.
His intention is to infect all thinking things in the universe. We know this via an interview that our *cough* top scientists *cough* had with him. Here is a small fragment of that interview:
"Somebody needs to get their fucking ass kicked!"
"So mister...Gravemind, what is your reason for trying to fucking destroy everything in the universe?"
"I want to fucking destroy them because I fucking can! Though I must fucking admit, it is mostly fucking due to the fucking fact that I can't fucking afford good cable because fucking people fucking think I fucking sell fucking human flesh at the fucking Burger King restaurant that I fucking run. So I fucking wage this fucking war because watching fucking empires being fucking drowned by my fucking Floods and fuck water is kind of fucking funny."
"But one fucking thing doesn't fucking add up Gravemind. What will you fucking do when you fucking destroy everything in the fucking universe?"
"That's fucking simple, I'll just fucking watch tons of fucking flood porn."
"Wow, I was not fucking expecting that." "suck ma fuck cock dickmunch" "...." "common dontcha want some?" "eww hell no u faggot" ":-("
To see the entire interview, tune in to Fox Reality Channel at 3:00 in the morning.
| Flood | ||
| Popcorn | Man Huggers | Soccer balls | Stalks-Miranda-a-lot | More annoying than a jackhole | Flood Version of Yo Mama | Badass Mofo Flood |
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