Elite

From Gruntipedia

This is an Elite? How ugly do you think Arbiter would look like with out his helmet?

For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on Elite.

Wort wort wort!

— A very horny Elite

WORT WORT WORT

— An Elite after he finds out that he has to be Player 2 in Halo 3 split-screen.

Wart wort wor-FEKKIT!!!

— Elite after stabbing himself in the foot with a Death Stick.

Wawt wawt wawt!

— 2-year old Elite on humans.

Ya sick fucka', let me out of this!

— Elite talking to Sander Cohen.

Warts warts warts...

— Elite on your older sister

WooOOoort!!!

— Elite looking at an Elite girl

Wort wort wort!

— Elites on humans.

Wort wort wort!

— Elite during a heated discussion.

wort wort wo-(gibberish)

— Elites mating

Wort wort wort!

— Sergeant Johnson saying Go go go backwards.

Wort wort wort! Wort. Wort. Wort!

— Elite version of a 9 hour political speech.

Wort wort...wait, why don't we just speak english? Then we wouldn't sound so stupid.

— The Arbiter.

Wort wort wort!

— Famous Elite joke.

Wort wort wort!

— Elite saying heard it before to the joke above.

Wort wort wort. Bastard...

— Elite getting run over in a Ghost by Arby

Wortgy!!

— When on the bed with 7 other Elites.

Glass windows, not planets

— The Elite Hippie

PEACE TO ALL ALIENS

Wort wort wort wort wort wort wort . . .

— A very confused Elite

What what what

— elite watching lost

w00t w00t w00t!

— Noob Elite getting a head shot.

wawt wawt wawt!

— Elmer Fudd talking wortish

Elites, aka, the Wii sports of the Covenant, are huge creatures, and are one of the most kick ass troops in the Covenant. They kill the traitorous Brutes, and they kill evil Jackals and save the humble Grunts. They nearly killed the Prophets in the past, and would have made universal peace and happiness. Somehow, this created the Covenant. They are known to speak their native language of wortish.

[edit] Biology

Their vocabulary mostly consists of the word wort, and are also known to say "damn it!" when they see master chief and are startled. This is because at some stage of their evolution, they had a tendency to grow warts. They then proceeded to make sure everyone else knew about it, and now is their main form of language. Their language might be adopted to learn in school, but it might result in something bad.

[edit] Description

A closeup of an Elite. Mmm... Don't those mouth parts just make your heart pound wild?

Like mentioned before, the Elites have four mouth prongs, with un-brushed teeth on each of them, which makes it hard to eat stuff. Why they didn't change to a liquid alternative (like smoothies) is unknown. Their stomachs rumbling, the Elites are always pissed off. So pissed off, in fact, that they barely know who to side with. This is why they are also wannabe predators. They tried to join the Predator academy but couldn't hack it so they joined the Covenant instead. But, because that previous bit was nothing but filler, meant for you, the stupid reader, to keep reading, this completely unnecessary section isn't over yet. Anyway, Elites are lizards without tails, and for some reason, their knees bend the wrong way. They're really tall, and are pretty strong. They're cool, but for unknown reasons, do not wear pants. This grosses some people out, and would have most Elites arrested for indecent exposure.

[edit] Diet and Nutrition

Nom, Nom, Nom!!!!!!!!!!!

Another Elite food trial.

Fresh Grunts,prepared for the elite food diet.

Elites find it fucking hard to fucking eat due to the fucking lack of a fucking lower jaw. It was recently fucking suggested by the Arbiter that they start fucking eating fucking food using fucking straws, but the only fucking Elites who took this fucking seriously were the fucking Heretics. As a fucking result, all fucking Heretic Elites now wear fucking retarded tank looking fuckers on their fucking backs. This fucking established tradition has now fucking passed on to the fucking Grunts

Elites try to fucking eat meat, fruit, shellfish, videotapes,Brutes, rocks, Gravity Hammers, Big Fuckers and fucking Energy Swords. These fucking eating habits are simply fucking experimental, as they are still trying to fucking find a fucking good, all-around food with good nutritional qualities. The only fucking thing they eat consistently are fucking Tomb Raider mousepads but for some fucking reason they put fucking condoms on their fucking mandibles when they are fucking eating them. Also, the fucking food must be able to not fall out of their fucking mouths every fucking time they try to eat the motherfucking thing.

Elites also eat firearms and fucking munitions (as seen in the picture on the side) as they tend to have a fucking strong spicy flavour that is described by the chief as FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCKER

[edit] Culture

Elites are pretty laid back. They have been observed on Earth beaches, usually attempting to drink out of straws, all the while telling the Grunts to fetch them sandwiches. However, due to the lack of a chin, they get even more pissed off, and bite the Grunts.

(Note: The insane number of teeth and lack of a chin has led to the most horrific oral cavity in the known, and quite possibly unknown, universe-and one hell of a dental plan)

Certain cultural "events" could not be explained by top scientists

Sometimes, an Elite will feel the urge to procreate, and is stricken with the hard truth once they find out that they can't find their boy/girl parts. Yet, even with this... oddity, they have managed to make billions of little baby Elites throughout the years (explained briefly in the next section). Elites are also known to dance around, carrying rainbow swords/stick things. Apparently, they are attracted to pretty colors. But then again, who isn't?

[edit] Breeding behaviors

A Sangheili trying to impress their girlfriend.

Through extensive investigation it has been found that Elites reproduce without easily observable parts because of their armor. Males in the military at a specific rack can gain the right to breed with any female of their choosing,(DAMN, they are lucky) so that they can "pass down their skills through genetics". (such a lame excuse for finding which bit to shove into her pussy)

[edit] Naming

Elites put the suffix "ee" at the end of their names. At first, it was thought that this was some sort of special warrior name for the Elite. It's not. As it turns out, Elites hate the 4 lip thing they have going on, and thought that putting "ee" at the end of their name would give people the impression that they were "cute", rather than "OH GOD, HE HASN'T GOT A CHIN!!!" However, when they joined the human side, they removed the "ee" part of their names, possibly because they decided "Hey, let's at least sound scary. And that's how the humans won the war with the Covenant.

Note that the Arbiter's name (from Halo Wars) is Shirley, or Shirl"ee", named after a famous Running Gun joke which nobody found funny until they read this sentence.

[edit] Armor Permutations

After watching the second episode of Arby N the Chief, the Elites realized that they would never receive special armor permutations such as Recon Armor or the elusive Katana.-fated attempt to cheer the Elites up, Bungie added the Commando shoulders to the Elites default armor list, hoping that n00bs would help to make the Elites feel less lonely .Sadly, the n00bs still wear their ODST or C.Q.B. Armor. Many scientists have theory that the only thing that Elite armor is good for would be in Team SWAT games (as it is near impossible to head-shot Elites from the back...wait...then why doesn't everyone just switch to Elites?!)