For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on Deacon.

Cquote1Bla bla bla Iraq bla bla bla weapons of mass destruction Iraq bla bla blaCquote2
— Un-grunty Deacon George W Bush before the Invasion of Earth

Deacon is a job every Grunt hates. But, it's not so bad for the grunts since they get paid more than the Turkeys and the Mosquitoes. And they get to rub their cash in their faces.


Deacons were first created in 1889, in order to keep up the Grunts' pisspoor morale. This, however, backfired since the long sermons causes the Grunts to fall asleep and become victims of Chuck Norris.

Deacons get to preach lame sermons on Covenant health care and why Plasma Grenades cause moron syndrome. Deacons have recently established a church of Halo in Epitaph, which depicts a giant glowing Monitor. This monitor hologram liked to insult the Covenant for being retarded and thinking the Great Journey was real. This hologram ended up being devoured by 998 Grunts after new translation software was installed in the towers' databanks. There was much celebration (and constipation).

There was one famous Deacon named Dadab, he was considered to be a "smarter than average" Grunt. But, unfortunately, he went to preach to the Elites right after the Elite rebellion and the Elites didn't like it so much, so he got shot out the airlock never to be seen alive again! His body was later found in the form of pulp with hammer marks all over him.

Deacons Edit

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