Cortana
From Gruntipedia
Yes because Cortana is in the MC's suit she is in his pants.
- — H3
- Well, i was about to bone cortana, but then there was like this drill, and she was like "There's no way"
- — Some lucky Fucker
- Dang, this chick smells like Onions
- — Anyone in Cortana's Proximity
- So...the Mark VI is just a suit to have sex with a ultra hot computer program? Well HOT DANG put it on already!
- — MasterChief on the Mark VI
Cortana(AKA Whoretana)(Chief love staring at her boobs;there so huge;he likes her vagina too) is an annoying skank,biznitch and hoe who somehow communicates with Master Chief with his suit. She's always recommending an alternative that's never as fun. Her huge breasts get bigger and more naked in every Halo game, the only quality that makes her worthwhile to save. (No nipples though, sorry guys)
It is believed that Cortana's programming was made in a brothel in downtown New York, though others say somewhere on Halo version 8.9 (the one that accidentally blew up the Halo in the first game).
She nags in every Halo game. She's probably just bitchy because when she hits seven years old, she'll be as useful as the 45 year old crack-whore trying to turn a trick in New Mombasa.
Rumors hold that she applied to be one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse. When told that the position of Pestilence had already been filled, she went Emo on their asses, mentally scarring all of them in some small and delightfully vengeful way.
Cortana, despite being the height of artificial intelligence, is prone to stating the obvious, such as "this cave is not a natural formation". It's retarded comments like this that have many wondering if Cortana was built for the equally brain-dead Marines, who would find such a statement a fascinating take on why a cave would look so perfectly geometric.
In Halo 2, Cortana got an upgrade, instead of looking like a semi-cute purple nerd, she looked like a scientist/whore combination with larger breasts. She continued to nag and harass the players all the while spewing useless drivel that continued the game's inane plot along until she was left in the clutches of the AIDS, which had just taken the Covenant's Holy City by storm.(She stayed in teh holy city so she could suck on the gravymind's huge tentacle dicks. And yeah, he had more than 1.)
During her days with the AIDS, Cortana experienced what every Bungie AI must experience once in their artificial lives: rampancy(or emo). Eventually loathes their makers in the same way that teenagers loath their parents). She gained her rampancy when penetrated from behind by the Gravemind. Every day. This explains her frequent screaming in Halo 3. Yet, somehow the Master Chief's caressing touch and soothing words immediately halted any stages of rampancy(emo) she may have been suffering through, making the third game in the trilogy just that much more disappointing. Instead of looking like a scientist/whore this time around, she looked more like a normal purple human being with breast physics that must have been borrowed from Team Ninja or Pamela Anderson, or the guys who made Dead or Alive and also put a new Halo character in their games. Good to see Bungie got something in that deal.
[edit] N00b's attraction to Cortana
Cortana is the most common subject of n00b's wet dreams and is considered by n00bs to be the sexiest woman in the universe and the best thing since Sliced Grunts, though they lie and if you say this you won't get Gruntiness. . Many n00bs, especially users of fuckopedia have expressed the desire to "hit that 2552 style!", though so far no n00b knows exactly what means. In fact, it is extremely likely that if a typical n00b were to walk into their bedroom to find Cortana lying in their bed, they would likely have no idea what to do next except masturbate!
Gp===Fling with The Arbiter=== Due to Master Chief always fucking ignoring Cortana to fucking log onto the fucking internet and go to Lolcats, Cortana eventually got fucking bored and started a fucking affair with the Arbiter. One day Arbiter was minding his own business when all of the sudden Cortana came along and grabbed his squid head and shoved it in her cleavage. She rubbed it all around and jiggled her boobs on his face.Arbiter then took her to his house, bound her to a tree and fucking raped her. Then she sucked his fucking dick and fucking allowed the Arbiter to suck her fucking boobs. The fucking affair they fucking started was fucking violated by Master Chief. He fucking shot arbiter grabbed Cortana put her in his suit then fucked her then anal, then played with her fucking boobs while she sucked his fucking big dick!
[edit] Porntana
| Characters | ||
| UNSC | ||
|
Chuck Norris | Compute-whore | Badass Mofo | Johnson's Bitch | Flood Beach Ball | 1000x better than Captain Keyes | Warthog Guy | ||
| Covenant | ||
| E.T. Gone Bad | Tartar Sauce | Arbiturd | Rats in a Vacuum | That Baller | Prophet of Sagginess | Boss Battle #1 | Prophet of Pimps | The Real Prophet of Haters | Female Prophets Exist?? | Suck'a Zombie | Dem D-Bags | The Ugly Turkey | ||
| Other | ||
| Lightbulb | Captain Stinky Breath | King of Grunts | Yapyap the First | Another grunt with the Yapyap name | "Pope" Yapyap III | TIDDLES |
