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Cortana

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For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on Sultana.
Cquote1 Yes because Cortana is in the MC's suit she is in his pants. Cquote2
H3
Cquote1 Dang, this chick smells like Onions Cquote2
— Anyone in Cortana's proximity
Cquote1 So...the Mark VI is just a suit to have sex with a ultra hot computer program? Well HOT DANG put it on already! Cquote2
— Master Chief on the Mark VI
Cquote1 gurl u so foiyn! y u so foiyn? Cquote2
— A noob marine to Cortana

Cortana (Also known as Whoretana) is an annoying skank, biznitch, and hoe who somehow communicates with Master Chief with his suit (It is actually unofficially official that she may possibly definitly most likely probably some-what like the MC.) She's always recommending an alternative that's never as fun. Her boobies get bigger in every Halo game, the only quality that makes her worthwhile to save, plus the only reason the captain hasnt disposed of her is because of her BIG COMPUTER VAGINA and bewbz.

Cortana has different moods, which come in different colors.

Bitchy Blue- Normal.
Dumb-Bitch

What Yao Ming has to say about Whoretana

Goatse Green- Being a slutty skanky whore.

Peaboobed Pink- Flattered by Master Chief's chode.

Penis Purple (I need to see a doctor)- Wants to get it up her hot skanky ass.

It is believed that Cortana's programming was made in a brothel in downtown New York, though others say somewhere on Halo version 8.9 (the one that accidentally blew up the Halo in the first game).

She nags in every Halo game. She's probably just bitchy because when she hits seven years old, she'll be as useful as the 86 year old crack-whore trying to turn a trick in New Mombasa. PORN!!!!

Rumors hold that she applied to be one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, but she is actually a WHORESwoman of the cockpocalypse. When told that the position of Pestilence had already been filled, she went Emo on their asses, mentally scarring all of them in some small and delightfully vengeful way.

Cortana, despite being the height of artificial intelligence, is prone to stating the obvious, such as "this cave is not a natural formation". It's retarded comments like this that have many wondering if Cortana was built for the equally brain-dead Marines, who would find such a statement a fascinating take on why a cave would look so perfectly geometric.

In Halo 2, Cortana got an upgrade, instead of looking like a semi-cute purple nerd, she looked like a scientist/whore combination with a larger section of her belly exposed. She continued to nag and harass the players all the while spewing useless drivel that continued the game's inane plot along until she was left in the clutches of the AIDS, which had just taken the Covenant's Holy City by storm.(She stayed in the holy city so she could shove the gravemind's huge tentacle dicks in her mouth and ass. And yeah, he had more than 1. But she never let him. Hence why he's upset when MC saves Cortana.)

During her days with the AIDS, Cortana experienced what every Bungie AI must experience once in their artificial lives: rampancy(or emo). Eventually they loathe their makers in the same way that teenagers loath their parents). She gained her rampancy when penetrated from behind by chewbacca the Gravemind. Every day. This explains her frequent screaming in Halo 3. Yet, somehow the Master Chief's caressing touch and soothing words immediately halted any stages of rampancy(emo) she may have been suffering through, making the third game in the trilogy just that much more disappointing. Instead of looking like a scientist/whore this time around, she looked more like a normal purple human being with a rather large ANUS ZOMFGBELLY!!!!!! that must have been borrowed from Lara Croft, or the guys who made Dead or Alive and also put a new Halo character in their games. Good to see Bungie got something in that deal.


N00b's attraction to CortanaEdit

Cortana is the most common subject of n00b's wet dreams and is considered by n00bs to be the sexiest woman in the universe and the best thing since Sliced Grunts, though they lie and if you say this you won't get Gruntiness. . Many n00bs, especially users of Halopedia have expressed the desire to "hit that 2552 style!", though so far no n00b knows exactly what that means. In fact, it is extremely likely that if a typical n00b were to walk into their bedroom to find Cortana lying in their bed, they would likely have no idea what to do next except masturbate! And their semen would burst out, in a sickening aerial ballet, and-good God, what am I saying!?

PorntanaEdit

Porntana

for a five she will hang up-side down...

Katana

for a twenty she will put her hand down...

Porntana is Cortana's alter ego, she is the testosterone fueled Cortana dreamed up by said n00bs and the Prophet of Haters. After the Earth was saved, Cortana was no longer needed, so she went into a Microsoft standby mode, but Microsoft tried to update while she went into standby mode, causing an error in her system, thus creating Porntana. She also had trouble finding work, after trying to work for Apple (Steve Jobs called her in for a "meeting") she finally settled on being a stripper. After starting out on the bottom, she worked her way up in the internet p0rn scene, since she could go though the internet and be cummed on by nerds, she had a "leg/ass up" on the competition, in more way than one. She now has "it" exclusively for anyone who reads this, as Simon rjh found a way of changing her programing so she would love anyone. Master Chief had sex with Cortana. Porntana also invented Rule 69 and 34. Note that Spartan 711 came to Porntana's sex brothel that night and he will never forget it.



Early LifeEdit

Chiefs worst nightmare

chief worst nightmare... cortana


She really didn't have one. She was born as Dr Halsey's sex slave. She learned she only had Seven years before her period sexecution, but she survived past this. On AI day, The AIs chose which spartans they wanted to be with. Cortana chose John, who really hated her at first, but got to surviving with her in his head after she showed him porn while driving his pulsating throbbing red penis up her ass over flood, Forerunner, Covenant and Marines in a flying warthog through all 3 halos and earth where she called MC to find her sister for a strange, kinky, sexy threesome. Cortana and Portana both liked it, but MC was more scared than anything.

Reach (Got PWNED)Edit

She was summoned onto the Pillar Of Autumn by noble sex , who wanted to leave with the Pillar of Autumn, but he was kicked by Cap i lost my Car Keyes so now i cant go to HaloFC(KFC). She wanted to be on The Pillar of Winter, Summer or Spring, but she was put on Autumn. The POA had to leave Reach because the Covenant were bent on capturing it so they could kill the Demons there. They left like the cowards they were and stumbled on to Halo.

Her Halo DaysEdit

She spent most of her time on Halo annoying the Chief (giving mutiple counts of blowjobs to random marines with dicks the size of Justin Bieber's, which is about 2 milimeters while erected. HA HA HA wished Cortana Moments), driving him up the wall, and even driving him through the be- I mean Pillar Of Autumn. They escaped, doing the Flood, Covenant, and Human lifeforms on the Hula Hoop. Master Chief then showed her his pingas.


It is known that she knows sex because of porn. Someone in my pre chool (I am a drug abuser) wants to have so much hardcore teen sex with Whoretana that his Cock And Doody: Modern Borefare got very big.

Her First Job in The UNSCEdit

Cortana, before becoming the Master Chief's bitch, was Captain Key's whore. He made her ride his cock, even though her bitch ass went right through it since she's an AI, though she's been known to tell him to "Yank Me!". This son of a bitch whore has fucked up so many lives, but she still continues to fuck with the Master Chief and give him her artificial STD's also known as a trojan horse!

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