- Stay low, let me draw the heat, just deliver that package.
- — A quote by Carter, immediately followed by a that's what she said by Noble Six
Carter-259 was the leader of the least useful Spartan team ever. He was chosen as the leader because everyone else had a skill except him, and nobody else wanted him.
Early life and TrainingEdit
Carter was born on Biko. His parents were loving, but they were also heavy coke addicts. They spent most of his college tuition on getting fixes, whcih didn't really matter, since Carter was never really smart anyway. Eventually the Covenant found Biko. The UNSC decided to do the right thing and ran away instead of fight the Covenant (besides, who wants to defend a planet named Biko?) Carter escaped Biko, and found himself on a UNSC ship with a bunch of other worthless, crippled orphans. Carter, being the least orphanlike, was selected to become a SPARTAN. But, he wasn't trained how to drive, and if you try to get him to drive a warthog he won't do it.
Adventures of ReachienessEditAfter years and years of training, Carter was finally ready to become the leader of a Spartan team. The top Admirals and Generals all examined his files, and they all found out one thing-Carter was absolutely fucking worthless. All Carter ever did was watch porn (most of the time during his military classes), eat boiled eggs, bully minorities, and stand behind warthogs so he could inhale the exhaust fumes. They originally made Carter a custodian (like a janitor, but less degradiing) but it was too complicated for him. They made him a janitor, but all he did was jack off in the hallways while he was cleaning, and got his sperm everywhere. Finally, Admiral Hood had a brilliant idea. For every five good SPARTANS, there was about one bad one. Admiral Hood took all the bad SPARTANS, and made them go on suicidal missions so that they would probably die and he could go back to living with his mom. Carter was one of those Spartans (he was one of the first to be selected, but lost to another.) Carter kept surviving, and that annoyed everyone. He was finally made the leader of the worst team ever , since he all he was good at was bossing people around. However, he never liked his job, and spent most of his time in his room watching Spongebob reruns. Eventually, the Covenant arrived on Reach, and Carter spent most of the Battle of Reach trying to run away. He accidently kept running into his teammates, and he kept ordering them to do stupid shit while he planned out ways to leave the planet.
"...I only wish I could have been more worthless..." - Carter, two seconds from his death
Carter had a hard time running away from the Covenant, since everywhere he went he found Stupid Wingless Birds and Squid-Faced assholes. Carted also found out he couldn't hide in any of the cities, since the Covenant was glassing them. When Carter found out the Covenant planned to glass all of Reach, he decided the only way to leave the planet and get back to Earth. Carter stole a plane from an elderly bitch and proceeded to fly toward the Pillar of September. He found Noble Six and Emile hiding in the plane, and he didn't want them to be there. He took his helmet off, bitch-slapped Noble Six (who staggered back and fell out of the Pelican, bringing Emile down with him) and laughed at his genius. Carter then ran into a Scarab, killing him instantly. Nobody remembers him.
- "Noble sex, do everything!"
- 6, we need you to...
- Hey, noble... You have to.
- Go with Kat...
- Go wth Jorge...
- Go with Emile...
- Go with the Drone queen!
- GO WITH YOUR MOTHER!! She can breastfeed you while u do the campaign! its fucking GENIUS!
- GO WITH EVERYBODY!!!! Carter breaks everyhing.
- "Noble Six! Rape that Elite with your Pistol!"
- I will do ANYTHING to avoid work.
- I am da big cheese.
- EVEN J'SUS KUSKOV CANNOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITHOUT ME ORDERING THAT FOOLISH ARSE NOBLE SIX TO DO IT!!!!!!!
- Noble Six, stop that nuke with another nuke!
- Six, do the impossible!
- Six, get to the Chopper!
- Six, suck my dick!