Brute

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Yo mama's so fat that when she walks across the TV she takes up a whole episode

— Brutes on just about anything

He was my lover!!!

— Brute when grunt sex-slave dies

Durrrrrrrrr...

— Brute killed by a suicide grunt

The pack will consume you!

— Brute who is against smoking

DUHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

— Brute Battle Cry

The Kids love me!

— The infamous Pedo Brute

Contents 1 Headline text 2 Famous Brutes 2.1 Ranks 2.2 History 3 Long Term Life Goals

[edit] Headline text

The Brutes were a race of obese ape/rhino aliens. The Brutes were discovered by an expedition of space turkeys, whom the Brutes promptly killed with their bare hands and ate as a Thanksgiving feast. The testicle chins, impressed, began abducting the Brutes with flying saucers until they had an entire army. The Brutes first served the Covenant as construction workers, equipped with nailguns and hammers. There were many famous Brutes, most of whom died sooner or later or in between. Basically, Brutes are big walking carpets with guns and legs (since if they don't have legs then what the use... the cant walk). They are frequently known to throw down their guns and charge at you because of their anger management issues, however they are really just trying to give MC a hug. But MC just doesn't see to appreciate it so he just kill them before they can reach him.

Brutes are known to huff Grunts in their spare time, a practice which most frown upon for the obvious mental retardation effects as the Gruntiness begins to take effect. Brutes Dont Care. They have been known to castrate innocent Grunts just for the hell of it, and then hanging the "leftovers" on their crotches. Not much of a trophy, if you catch my drift. Brute society is heavily fixated around large, phallic objects, especially hammers. Brutes also tend to attach knives to everything they own, from Spikers, to hammers, to bottles, to knives, to knifes,to children's dolls. (Don't you just want to cuddle them up? Cuz I do.) Brutes are prone to throwing stick-like grenades aimed directly at the target. This shows that brutes are too retarded to realize grenades arc downwards. Should the player's testicles be incinerated from this, one must then teabag the brute as they drool a cool saliva upon the thought of cooked testicles.

The reason Brutes are so attached to grunts is because they are the only force in the covenant that could stand the Brutes other than the Brutes themselves, and that are willing to spend time with them. But in reality, the Brutes themselves are all pawns in the grunts' plan to have complete control of the covenant. So the grunts put up with castration, physical and mental abuse, and having to talk with the brutes when the Brutes need to share their feelings.

[edit] Famous Brutes

• Phoenix Wright
• Jay Bombay
• TartarSauce
• Real TartarSauce
• McdonaldsBurgerus
• Cracktanus
• Gargantuous
• Optimus Prime
• Megatron
• Tyrannosaurus
• Hairy Meatballs
• Spikerus
• Maulerus
• fatfartus
• James the Brute
• Chewbacca's Evil Twin
• ToysRus
• Bigfootus
• LittleBrainus
• NoBrainus (LittleBrainus's little brother)
• George Bushus (or Dubya as you is also known)
• Subwaysandwichus
• Bill Clintus
• Hill Clintus
• All Gory
• anus
• MUSCULUS! His only weakness is halopedia and bending his arms.
  

  

  MUSCULUS!
• King Herod(us) the great(more like the evil)
• Paris Hiltonus
• Britney Spearsus
• The God Warrior
• John Mccainus
• Urmommasfatus
• n00bsalwayskilus
• Jabba the Hutt(honorary Brute)
• Buffy the Vampire Slayerus
• Gwunka, the first of the enormously great infamous Grunt Brutes.
• There might've been more....but the Master Chief and Arbiter probably killed them. Good riddance.
• holycrapyofatus
• Pedo brute
• some perverted sack full of wookiee hair
• some retard that can only pick his nose and nothing else
• asslus
• Your mother

[edit] Ranks

War Chieftain Brute Chieftain - Weapon Brute Captain Ultra Brute Captain Major Brute Captain Brute Bodyguard Brute Jump pack Brute Stalker Brute Ultra Brute Major Brute Minor

Top Scientist

[edit] History

The fucking early history of the Brutes is fucking long and fucking pathetic. They fucking evolved on some fucking planet. For some fucking reason, they fucking evolved from fucking apes, like humans. Only they fucking stopped a little bit fucking short of humanity. They fucking formed a massive fucking army in 643 B.T. (Before TartarSauce) and fucking swept across their fucking home-world's landscape, pillaging and castrating all other creatures. They eventually fell upon a fucking large supply of shiny armor and fucking guns, which they fucking had a lot of fucking trouble figured out what to fucking do with a first, but eventually got it fucking right (By that time it was 3 D.T.[during Tartar Sauce). Then, the fucking Covenant fucking found them and fucking took them in, thinking it would be a fucking good idea to fucking befriend them (Ohhh lucky them). The fucking Tartar Sauce managed to fucking convince the fucking Prophets to fucking replace the Elites with the fucking Brutes, since Brutes worked for $0.40 an hour. This fucking turned out to be the fucking biggest mistake ever fucking made in recorded history, and the fucking Elites fucking joined forces with the fucking humans and fucking wiped out the fucking Covenant. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCKER

Since then, fucking Brute sightings have dropped to fucking nil, probably because of the sheer embarrassment of being responsible for destroying the Fuckenant(Covenant). It is a little known fact that Brutes reproductive organs shrink when humiliated, it is an extremely shameful thing for any Brute and they usually neglect from reproductive rituals because of it(or for other reasons).

The Covenant

Testicle Chins | Xenomorphs | The big fluffy ones | Mods

Those huge bastards with big guns | Gigantasaurus Neverappearus

Space Wasps | Sniper Turkeys | The little cute ones

[edit] Long Term Life Goals

All of the brutes goal in life is to fatten everybody in the planet. Brute scientists invented a machine that injects special serums into special cookies. Upon eating the cookie the victim begins swelling and gains 500lbs. This fat is highly developed and cannot be burned off. Strangely enough it strengthens the heart muscles to pump blood more so the victim does not die from a heart attack past 30. When word spread of this. The U.N.S.C. quickly came up with a serum so that humans could be immune to the brute serum. The brutes however being so stupid have already have a few select accidentally intake their serum. However in the brute world fat is pR0nZ and is looked upon highly. Oddly enough however the serum was made so the victim would enjoy their new size. Hell Al Yankovic wrote a fucking song about it.   An unintended sideeffect of Brute serum was exssive hair growth. The formula is now used in bosley hair restoration treatments.