Brute

From Gruntipedia

This article is too damned short, Marine! You will help Gruntipedia by making it larger so it will fit the screen, fool!

Yo mama's so fat that when she walks across the TV she takes up a whole episode

— Brutes on just about anything

He was my chicken!

— Bob the farmer Brute when Grunt slave dies

The Brutes were a race of obese ape/rhino aliens. The Brutes were discovered by an expedition of space turkeys, whom the Brutes promptly killed with their bare hands and ate as a Thanksgiving feast. The testicle chins, impressed, began abducting the Brutes with flying saucers until they had an entire army. The brutes first served the Covenant as construction workers, equipped with nailguns and hammers. There were many famous Brutes, most of whom died sooner or later or inbetween. Basically, Brutes are big walking carpets with guns and legs (since if they dont have legs then what the use... the cant walk). In other words, they're grapes with guns. They are frequently known to throw down their guns and charge at you because of their anger management issues, however they are really just trying to give MC a hug. But MC just does'nt see to appreciate it so he just kill them before they can reach him.

Brutes are known to huff Grunts in their spare time, a practice which most frown upon for the obvious mental retardation effects as the Gruntiness begins to take effect. Brutes Dont Care. They have been known to castrate innocent Grunts just for the hell of it, and then hanging the "leftovers" on their crotches. Brute society is heavily fixated around large, phallic objects, especially hammers. Brutes also tend to be emo because of their pent-up sexual frustration, so they attach knives to all their stuff so they can cut themselves after Master Chief kicsk their ass.

[edit] Celebrity Brutes

• TartarSauce
• Cracktanus
• Gargantuous
• Fatassimus
• Optimus Prime
• HairyCarpetus
• Tyrannosaurus
• Hugeassuss
• BruteShotus
• Spikerus
• Maulerus
• Chewbacca
• Dickheaduss
• ToysRus
• Bigfootus
• LittleBrainus
• NoBrainus (LittleBrainus's little brother)
• FreakCircus
• King Kong
• George Bush
• Subwaysandwichus
• Cockadoodieus
• There might've been more....but the Master Chief and Arbiter probably killed them all.

[edit] Ranks

Brute Chieftain - Armor Brute Chieftain - Weapon Brute Captain Ultra Brute Captain Major Brute Captain Brute Bodyguard Brute Jumppack Brute Stalker Brute Ultra Brute Major Brute Minor

[edit] History

The early history of the Brutes is long and pathetic. They evolved on some planet. For some reason, they evolved from apes, like humans. Only they stopped a little bit short of humanity. They formed a massive army in 643 B.T. (Before TartarSauce) and swept across their homeworld's landscape, pillaging and castrating all other creatures. They eventually fell upon a large supply of shiny armor and guns, which they had trouble figured out what to do with a first, but eventually got it right (By that time it was 3 D.T.[during Tartar Sauce). Then, the Covenant found them and took them in, thinking it would be a good idea to befriend them (Ohhh lucky them).

The Covenant

Testicle Chins | Xenomorphs | The big fluffy ones | Mods

Those huge bastards with big guns | Gigantasaurus Neverappearus

Space Wasps | Sniper Turkeys | The little cute ones