For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on Assault Carrier.
The Deja Vu

The Mighty Carrier! But it heads to its death.

Assault Carrier

or is this it?

Nimitz Carrier

Assault Carrier: is this it...

The Covenant Sexual ASSault Carrier is their version of an aircraft carrier, its cool for a while but becomes a disappointment. It is approximately 50 Grunts long, 30 Grunts wide, and 5 Elites tall. The Covenant obviously have no idea how to do space battles for they throw these expensive ships packed with thousands of lazy Gorillas right into the slaughter. This is another reason why the Covenant failed. They're stupid as hell. We're not even going to explain how those moron apes use them so lets explain how the Elites and Grunts use them... the right way.


Assault Carriers are used to carry things from jerks, to UFOs, to your mom. They have a big assault bay (mouth) to carry things. The original reason to have Carriers was they were the only way to haul the Prophet of Restraint's unused condoms. Truthy thought that was a waste of money and had the Carriers turned into warships to help fight noobish infidels. Assault Carriers are slow as most people's wits, with only 3 engines to push their morbidly obese bodies. They are also 'protected' by thin armor that can barely take a direct slap across the face. But it still has shields to give it some hope. Very little hope. The Carrier's UFOs and other ships have to protect it, but the Brutes love to take on a thousand Human ships with their one Assault Carrier:an instant suicide. They also have gravity lifts that have the same purpose as those on a Sissy Ass-class pwng ship.


For the first time you can actually see the weapons on a covie ship! 4 little holes on its neck can fling a pod of hot taco sauce at Noobs and Tartar Sauce alike. A beam of uber pwng is at its head or whatever that front thing looks like- a sabertooth. You can't see any of its other weapons but there are lights coming from it. In addition to what was just mentioned, Assault Carriers are armed with:

  • 1-1000 Shit launchers
  • Captured Jesus Guns
  • Ramen noodle packages
  • Catapults
  • 88mm Flak guns
  • AIDS(the real disease)
  • Pump Blast!
  • OVER 9000!! Pure Powerthirst Plasmacannons


We have no clear idea what they look like on the inside since no one ever wants to go in a Carrier, including smart Covenant. We can only think its looks like the Mario universe only its purple and covered in cleaned away semen due to the male-only Covenant Navy. There should also be a cafeteria somewhere to make the crew overweight and slow the ship down even more. Since some Prophets like to ride in Carriers, they have a luxury 5-star hotel room inside that only the Prophets can use. The rest of the crew is left to rot away in shanty rooms and the utility closets.

Their FateEdit

Today only one Assault Carrier is left, the Shadow in a Vent, since every other Carrier was blown apart because of the pure stupidity of the Brutes. After losing the war the Brutes flew all their remaining Carriers(with the entire crew) into the sun to die in a funeral pyre- the extreme way.

Famous Assault CarriersEdit

  • Shadow in a Vent
  • Deja Vu
  • The ones from Halo 3
  • The other ones from Halo 3: ODST
  • Regret's Carrier
  • The one MC pwnt
  • Enterprise
  • The other one that was gutted
  • King of teh Hill
  • The Annoying parrot
  • Crouching Grunty, Hiding Chicken

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