Cquote1Girl, you put the two "asses" in "Assassination"-*Hurk! Blargh!*Cquote2
— Sexist n00b getting assassinated by a girl

Assassinating is the newest thing in Halo. It's where your view goes all 3rd person into an epic cutscene like

The Arbitard pwning the Prophet of Faggotry.

thing where you epicly demolish another Spartan, Noob, Elite, Brute, Jackal, Super Jackal, or Grunt. You couldn't do it before Halo: You Can't Reach Your Small Wang came out, but the Arbiter and ODSTs could. Due to many complaints from fans, assassinating was born. But unfortunately you cant assassinate allies, so that means you can't stick a knife in those Marines that always bitch at you, sad face :(.

Multiplayer Assassination TypesEdit

Spartan vs SpartanEdit

Basic AssassinatingEdit

  • Assassin

    SILENCE! I kill you!

    Player A stabs rapes dat fool Player B in da back ass then rips the his dick knife off the body and eats it.
  • Player A pushes the dumbass Player B then stabs rapes them in the spine anus.
  • Player A pushes Player B and stabs that nigga AFRICAN AMERICAN in the shoulder then lifts him/her/it and throws him/her/it to the ground ripping the Kitchen Knife out of his newly found meal at the same time.
  • Player B stupidly turns around and some other idiot (Player A) stabs him in the intestines belly button, yay.
  • Player A pushes Player B around and fucking stabs them in the head eye, it's so fun to watch this one happen.
  • Player A stabs Player B in the heart Indiana Jones Genital Warts style.
  • (Death Spork only) Player A cuts the back of player B, weakening his brain somehow, then Player B, too stupid to do anything back, gets cut in the chest and falls to the ground where he gets epicly pwned in the gut.

You Jump and Pwn People on the groundEdit

*Player A lands on Player B's back and twists their neck, then laughs at how pathetic Player B was. (Also known, in nature, as the quickie anal rape and neck snap phenomenom.) *

This time both are in teh air, but you still pwnEdit

  • Player A knees Player B in the penis, due to the pain that men feel when getting hit there, he falls down and

    Bungie's reason for adding assassinations

    holds his groin yelling "OWW!!!" and then you do a falcon punch on his head which immediately kills him. (Ineffective against girl spartans)

Spartan Player vs Elite Player (Invader Zim mode Only)Edit

Basic ShitEdit

  • The Spartan jumps on dat 1337's back and stabs him in the neck.

    I want you deep inside me...

  • The Spartan recieves a piggy back ride from the Elite, then evily twists the leet's neck killing it.
  • (Only Girl Spartans can do this one) The horny chick pushes the 1337 on the ground, tackles him and says "I want you deep inside me." the Elite then gets fooled by this and thinks that it's actually going to happen, then the Chick stabs him in the face killing him.
  • The Spartan stabs the Elite in the jaw epicly killing him and then he puts the body on the ground to rest in piss.
  • (Death Spork only) The Spartard sprints and jumps on the 1337's back and stabs him/her/it in the back POWNing him/her/it.

You Jump and Pwn People on the groundEdit

  • You grab the 'leet and make an ill ass stab in the neck.
  • (Death Spork only) Same thaaang as above but done with teh Death Spork in the back.

This time both are in teh air, but you still pwnEdit

  • The Spartan knocks the 1337 on the ground, due to the uber strength of Spartans, that kills the elite, then the Spartan takes a shit on the dead body's head.
  • The Spartan thinks He/She's mario and goomba stomps the poor 1337 after pushing it down

31337 vs 31337 (Elite vs Elite)Edit

Basic ShiznitEdit

  • Da 1337 uses its Smaller Death Spork to fuck up the other 1337's brain and then

    A note to all Minor Elites, don't piss off your Major Domo commander...

    throws him on the ground.
  • Elite A grabs Elite B and then stabs him with the Smaller Death Fork, then while Elite B is screaming, Elite A is like "Shhhh, Shhh, Shhh, there ya go...." and if someone watches it happen, Elite A would say "WHAT DID YOU SEE?!" then the person/thing watching says "Nothing!" out of fright, then Elite A says "GOOD! IF YOU TELL ANYONE, I'LL DO THE SAME TO YOU!" causing the person/thing to run away in fright.
  • Elite A pushes Elite B and quickly stabs B in the back with know what weapon it is, then pulls out the blade and throws the body to the side.
  • Elite A pushes Elite B to his/her/IT's knees and Elite A throws his arm over B's eyes, then plunges the blade into B's throat. Kind of like what happened in the song "Dance With the Devil' by Immortal Technique, but they don't rape the body...
  • (Death Spork only) Elite A twists Elite B while Elite B screams like a girl then plunges the Spork into the 'leets guts and then Elite A eat's the organs of Elite B, I don't know what Elite Organs are called except for their 2 hearts.

Did you see that? I just slit your throat you gorgeous baby!

You Jump and Pwn People on the groundEdit

  • Elite A kicks Elite B down as he/she/IT tries to get up, then Elite A stabs Elite B in the fucking Jaw for being an asshole.
  • Elite A decides to be a total meany face and stab the poor little Elite B with 2 Smaller Energy Forks and throws the corpse of poor little Jimmy Elite B behind him.

This time both are in teh air, but you still pwnEdit

  • Elite A stabs his sharp radioactive dildo into Elite B's spine, the dildo vibrates, which spreads the radioactive shit. Then Elite B dies.
  • (Death Spork only) same as the one above.

Elite vs. SpartanEdit

Basic ShiznitEdit

  • The big bully Elite knocks the poor little Spartan on to the ground, stabs the Spartan in the back, then pushes the Spartan off its blade with its foot, then the Elite steals his lunch money.
    Wort Wort Wort!

    Say "Wort Wort Wort" again bitch! I dare you!

  • The Elite pushes the Spartan then stabs it twice, then to get a "Fatality" the Elite slashes his blade through the Spartan's throat.
  • The Elite slashes the Spartan with one Energy Dagger and spins to kick the Spartan back while yelling "This. Is. COVENANT!!"
  • The Elite forces the Spartan on his/her/it's knees, then the Elite makes the Spartan suck his dick, after that the Elite stabs the Spartan in the head and disposes of the body by throwing it into your house.
  • The Elite does the same thing that I said above but this time the Elite decides to be a total jerk and use 2 blades.
  • (Death Spork only) The Elite tries to be cool like the Arbiter and grabs the Spartan by his/her/IT's arm and pulls the Spartan to it's face and says, "Douchebag, you must be silenced!" then stabs the Spartan in the chest and slowly lifts the Spartan's Corpse to the ground while the Elite shakes his energy spork and says "Ewww, it's all icky and dead-ish!". It is also known as the 1337 Ballet.

You Jump and Pwn People on the groundEdit

  • The Elite knocks the spartan da fuck out on to the ground, then steps on his/her/IT's back with it's foot to emphasize the pwnage, then stabs the spartan's brains out and feeds them to it's pet Turkey or pet Super Turkey.

This time both are in teh air, but you still pwnEdit

  • The Elite knees the Spartan in the Anus and then stabs him/her/IT with the Energy Dagger.
  • (Death Spork only) Same as above but this time with the Death Spork.

Campaign/Firefight AssassinationsEdit


The exact same assassinations as I explained earlier in the "Spartan vs. Elite" thing.


  • You bully the little Grunt by grabbing it and twisting it's neck.
  • You grab the poor little Grunt and stab it in the eye socket. (It should be mentioned here that if the Grunt decides to do the Gruntiness thing on you, your assassination will fail. You will die and be blown 1,849 feet across from where you attacked the Grunt)
    Turkey Assassination

    Aww, stop being mean to the poor little turkey!

Turkey/Super TurkeyEdit

  • You pick on the ugly turkey thingy by dragging it by it's feathers down to the ground and stabbing it in the throat and then using its dead body for thanksgiving.


  • There is only one assassination for a brute and it's quite boring, you knock it down to it's knees and stab it in the ass with your knife. It's not all that epic.

When to Assassinate and When NOT to AssassinateEdit

Assassinate when your dumbass teammates aren't around to "yoink" you and spoil your epic moment. They usually won't because they like watching it, but they might on accident if it's a rocket lawn chair game. Something you shouldn't do is when you playing Capture the Homo Covered in Butter and the other team has the homo and they're dangerously close to putting the Homo in the cage and your the only one that can stop them. Don't assassinate the guy who doesn't have the homo, the guy who does have the homo will put him in the cage while your taking to long to have an epic moment. If you do, your teammates will make you feel sad by yelling at you and lowering your self esteem. There are times when the Beat Down is useful, its not epic, but it's a quick assassination of someone. wellu can do both becuase its fucking awsome


Add cool assassination pics to this gallery, no really, do it. I don't have anymore.

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