Arbiter
From Gruntipedia
Were it so easy.
- — The Arbiter moaning about an awful joke made by Gay fag ass fag.
- In Soviet Russia, GO GO GO!
- — The Arbiter about all aspects of Elite life.
- SHUT UP BEEEEYOTCH!!!!!!!111337
- — The Arbiter to one of bitches after she forgot to pay him.
- WHAT THE FUDGECAKE MCGEE IS THIS FAGGOT CRAP!!!!!!!???????
- — The Arbiter right before his death, while listening to a sabotaged Hellogoodbye single that was supposed to be an A Perfect Circle single.
This , or Retarbiter (not to be confused with the asshole arbiter from halo wars) is officially the world's most kickass Elite and is known for his ability to always come "rescue" you when you're close to certain death. Legends hold that he is the saviour of his people. Most simply see him as an addition to appeal to the fanboy Zealots. some people think that he is War one of the four horseman of the Apocalypse-meaning that he is in competition with Sergeant Johnson for this place in the Bible.
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[edit] Early Childhood
"Thel 'VaDAMNBITCHGIMMAHMAHTACO" was born in the trunk of a Spectre, because his parents couldn't afford a hospital. At 2 years of age, both his parents signed him into the Covenant Army, claiming he was twenty three. His spectacular ability to perform the "T-bag The back Off Of Anything In A Three Mile Radius" ritual made him an instant legend, and he was an Honour Guard at the age of 3.
He also never passed his driver's ed class teae bagged the instructor too much. How much "Too much" is far "Too much" to contemplate.
[edit] Halo: CE
During the events of Halo 1 the Arbiter said he was "on acid or really really really really baked", thus explaining the reason Halo blew up.
Since the Prophet of Gay hated him so much ,he was blamed for the destruction of the Giant Hula Hoop in the sky.
Arrested for treason , Arby was sent to trial, coincidentally at the exact same time MC was being rewarded. (This didn't really until down there though.)After Arby was sent to trial, the Prophet of Gay realized that he was madly in love with Arby. He than went to Arbys cell to try to have sex with him. Arby let him in, where they proceeded to make sweet sweet love to each other, arby using his trademark teabag on him. The Prohet of Gay did not think "Too much" was "Too much", and they made love all night long. Apparently, at one point, Gay got a little too horny, and Arby stabbed him with his energy sword. This is why the Prophet of Gay does not appear in any other game.
[edit] Halo 2
The trial drew a lot of attention, even the almighty Grunts, even those that had been imbued with the über Gruntiness, watched. To give the whole thing a nice aroma, the Council decided for sheer fun to give Arby's chest a good grilling.(m'm bar-b-cue)  
Once finished, the Arbiter even had the rare chance to join in with the cuddly turkeys. However, the wandering Tartar Sauce wanted to bring him to the Prophets instead (it should be mentioned here that turkey stomachs cannot handle barbecued food well).
Of course, the Prophets knew exactly what to do with something that shares the same scent as this guy, so he was sent to kill some heretics.
After more missions, Arby finally figures out what the giant hula hoops in teh sky that kill shtuff are really meant for.
[edit] Halo 3
Joining with his hated nemesis, he stopped the Covenant and saved his people. He then ditched the MC and Cortana, once again on a quest to find a better, meaningful existence.
For some reason, he cannot die despite being "killed" many times, leaping to his feet after a few moments. Theories circulate that he is a result of the Weapon X Program, and that retractible claws are hidden inside his hands. Others claim he is the Anti-Christ, and worship him accordingly.
[edit] After Halo 3
Arby went on 3p1c1y wynn1ng at life, until he opened the fast food chain "Arby's". From that point on he was rich.So den he was like awwwwwwwwwww, bullcrap, man I I I R DA RBTER In his later years, The Arbiter settled down in a small condo in Florida.
The Arbiter got bored with shooting little kiddies with his Fuel Rod Cannon in Florida (bearing in mind, it was already out ammo, and he didn't have a secondary weapon) he decided to go out to London, UK, where he found his beautiful wife, Bitchugge Shcimllyiie', he later found out that the female he had married (for 13 years) was actually a male, soon the Arbiter killed him by ripping off his male parts, and shoved it down his throat, and then killed him again by grabbing his Spooky Spoon and cuttin' him up into little pieces, which the Arbiter ate for breakfast the next day, with bacon and sausages. then it was discovered he locked the Master Chief in the hanger of the piece of crap frigate they used to escape the exploding halo. When he confessed to the police, they just wanted to find out where his wife was but by then she(he) was in france by now. Then he looked for a job and joined with Master Chief to make a machinima. He magically transformed into a toy with master chief and then they made Arby 'n' the Chief. But on one swag filled day, Treyarch called and asked the Arbiter to star in their upcoming game. Soon enough the Arbiter found himself signing up for Call of Duty 6: Clash With Halo. This game was so win that the disk gave off radioactive rays of swag. People who played this game grew muscles as big as Ricky Ross and they were clinically proven to be able to start ballin' on Michael Jordan. In the game, Arbiter was the husband of a hooker that he met at the burger king on main street. Then a random marine came in and killed her. Arby was outraged, he killed all humans and smacked them with his hammer of ban of pain of destiny of death of swag of uberpwn of deliciousness of more swag. Then Warthog Guy came and kicked arbiter's ass all over the Mcdonalds restraunt. Then arbiter came back as a zombie and ate his head off, and some where in that time of zombieness he raped Pedo Bear in the Ear and ass.