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Anoobis

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Cquote1I shall noobinize you!!Cquote2
— Anoobis to everyone that is not a noob

Anoobis is the king of all Noobs in the Halo 3 Universe. His favorite game of all time is Halo 3, and he lives off of the satisfaction he gets from having the "m4d skillz z0mg" to get kills with the Energy Sword while spawn camping. His favorite weapons are the Rocket Launcher and the Sniper (he sucks horribly with both) and his dream is to someday be able to coax Bungie into giving him Recon as he could never complete the needed achievements on his own. Anoobis has used a walkthrough for every level on Campaign and brags about having Katana to his noob followers. He considers both Cortana and Miranda Keyes his soulmates and his favorite time of the week is DoubleEXPWeekend.


Biography Edit

Anoobis was born on the date oh/my/why? Anoobis has no Human form, but he once did. He played Halo 24/7 for two and a half months living on Ramen, Sprite, and adult diapers (So this means he is obviously Sonmanic). As he became more and more merged with the game, he eventually transformed into a Spartan with full Hayabusa armor and was absorbed into his Xbox. He roams the Halo 3 universe doing anything he wants, bringing joy to noobs everywhere and grief to pros. Anoobis has formed a clan made up of noobs all over the world. They soon plan to take over the Halo 3 Universe. Their battle cry is "Your mom."

Anoobis is actually one of the best-known Jackals and is Soulja Boy's close brother. He is a whiner and will scream and cry if he dies, being known to scream at enemies,"M4H C0USIN W0RK5 4T BUNGI3 4ND IF Y0U KILL M3H H35 G0NN4 B4N J00!!!one11!1!eleventy1! *more sobbing and screaming*"

Life in the Halo 3 Universe Edit

Anoobis became part of the Halo 3 Universe and now roams around doing as he pleases. He can do everything a normal person with an Xbox 360 controller could, only Anoobis has full body control like in real life. Bungie patched this for Matchmaking so that Anoobis's movement would be the same as everyone else and minimize disadvantages. He lives inside the Halo world, actually experiencing the game. His everyday schedule includes:

  • 12midnight-5am Cortana sex non-stop (Anoobis has no need to sleep)
  • 5am-12pm Matchmaking
  • 12noon-5pm-Miranda Keyes sex non-stop
  • 5pm-12midnight *whatever he wants*

How to Recognize Anoobis and his FollowersEdit

All of Anoobis's followers have adopted some of his traits, but the true Anoobis has every symptom of noob cancer and more. This site has extensive research on noobs and a whole page dedicated to recognizing their symptoms, here are a few. If you are lucky, you will never have to see Anoobis in battle or have him on your team, if you do, pray. There is a noob on your team, or possibly Anoobis, if the player performs one or more of these acts:

  • Betrays a teammate for a weapon then sucks miserably with it
  • Spawn camps
  • Waits for a weapon to spawn then sucks miserably with it
  • Does not know how to shoot, only throws grenades
  • Responds,"Your mother/mom" to any reasonable question or statement
  • Calls others noobs (ironic)
  • Speaking as if they had lived in caves for the past ten years of their live (ex: I'm g0nn4 ttlly pwn j00 or OMG y0u g4is 4r3 4ll g4y n00bs i 4m s0 1337)
  • Gamertag contains more than four numbers, uses 1337 speak, or has Master/Chief in it (ex: xXxM4st3rCh33f53286489xXx)
  • Blaming teammates/controlller/connection/map for deaths
  • Deranking

There are many ways to spot a noob, but these are the most common.

Noobasauras RexEdit

Anoobis is also responsible for the creation of the Noobasauras Rex species. He created them with Gruntiness powers. He created them on Installation 05 to stop Tar Tar Sauce from activating the hula-hoop, but failed miserably because they just walked around the surface of the ring saying "SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI." But he didn't give up on them yet, he used them as big kick ass beasts in the Noob Army that he commands, this also failed. Now they are all banished to Planet Halopedia, but if you encounter Anoobis, he may give you the curse, and you will be stalked by a Noobasaur in every game you play, and if you destroy your Xbox, you will be stalked in real life. But if you just randomly see one in Matchmaking, it will not stalk you, for it is stalking someone else, or it just teleported their for fun.

Known Servants (all willing)Edit

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