- We are Borg...I mean, flood. Resistance is-! What the fuck! I'm in Star Trek?
- — Flood combat form, unsure of where he is.
- GODDAMMIT WHY DIDN'T WE THINK OF AN ALL-DEVOURING PARASITE??????
- — The creators of Cock of Doody: Modern Whorefare 2
No one knows where
Flood AIDS The Walking Turds of doom originated. It is known, however, that it destroyed an entire race of super-beings known as the Forerunners. The afflicted are more commonly known as the Flood. However, everyone agrees that walking peices of shit Floods and semi-solid brown water is an extremely potent weapon of mass destruction; even if it does look like Tartar sauce's special Meaty Monday Surprise (seriously, how can he swallow that stuff, it looks like shit!). Their main goal in life is to infect all life in the galaxy with viral AIDS infections and proceed to look at Flood porn.
Infection happens when the popcorn come up to somebody and rip off their nipples and give them to the gravemind. The person then yells "AGGHHHH!!!!!! MY NIPPLES ARE MINE NOT YOURS!!!!! YAAARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and they get so pissed off that they mutate and go reverse emo on everbody. Then they eat pie and become so fat they explode, unleashing waves of small forms composed of pure Popcorn. These forms then seek to infect others, thus repeating the cycle of afflicted, butthead, little squid dude. Some are resistant to nipple stealing from Floodz mostly Grunts with the Gruntiness and masks but Bumblebees, Turkeys, and Cans of worms are not affected for some reason. We have our *cough* top *cough* scientists working on this now (okay, they're not our top, but they're good! ...Okay, maybe they were just janitors who wanted promotions and were ready to kill us all for it, but mark our words they will find a cure). Known Covenant Flood victims include the three Testicle Chin Hierarchs, whose names are Truth, Mercy, and Regret. Along with the Covenant holy city High Charity, which eventually became a giant ball of flood poop. Elites are the best infected because they were not noobs, but were infected by n00biness.
Forms of the Flood Edit
- Mindless Zombies
- Your face
- My mom I mean your mom DAMNIT!!
- L33t sp33k3rs
The afflicted are not resistant to damage, they are simply unaware of it. The only reason a headshot from a sniper rifle kills an un-afflicted person is because the person believes it will. The afflicted, unhindered by this, appear resistant to damage. Therefore only weapons that cause catastrophic injuries, such as shotguns and rockets, are the most effective weapons. In layman's terms; big gun = big pwnage. The best weapon for fighting off Floods is the Blowtorch by boiling it before it floods your home and drowns you in brown water (semi-solid o.0). Also Arnold Schwarzenegger inflicts a considerable damage to the afflicted. Try not to bring Chuck Norris as even he is scared to fight the AIDS.
This very rare form of shit water is formed when
AIDS Flooding gets its fluids with a very rare disease called "butthead" on a grunt.
After infecting a grunt with "butthead", Lamemind puts a plastic baggie over the grunts head with an invisible t00b that connects their ass to the plastic baggie, a remote controlled thingy that makes the grunt fart on command, and they insert a few copporns to keep them company. When an opponent is close to the soccerball, the grunt is told to fart, and as we all know a grunt fart in an enclosed space smells like roadkill if a hobo shat it out and puked on the shit. Thus, the soccerball explodes, releasing the copporn and damaging anybody close to it. If a human is infected with Butthead, they turn into one of Lamemind's anal beads. One of known carriers of "butthead" was Captain Keyes, as you can see in Halo: Combat Evolved on level "Keyes" he is in a form of a shit water bubble that looks like a gigantic testicle.
The Gravemind is made out of nipples that the popcorn stole from people. It then declares that it wants da chifs nipples and sends popcorn to rape him.It is known that the flood are controlled by a central intelligence known as a "Gravemind." Most believe that this Gravemind's true identity is that of Dr. Phil due to the consistent nagging, ferocious temper, and bad jokes. It is unknown how Dr. Phil is able to slow down a 1,000 pound Spartan II super soldier, blur his vision, speak to him, and, overall annoy him though.
His intention is to infect all thinking things in the universe. We know this via an interview that our *cough* top scientists *cough* had with him. Here is a small fragment of that interview:
"Somebody needs to get their ass kicked!"
"So mister...Gravemind, what is your reason for trying to destroy everything in the universe?"
"I want to destroy them because I can! Though I must admit, it is mostly due to the fact that I can't afford good cable because people think I sell human flesh at the Burger King restaurant that I run but recently the big whopper sales have gone down because I don't have me enough fat women to make them from. So I wage this war because watching empires being drowned by my Floods and Hepatitis F is kind of funny."
"But, one thing doesn't add up, Gravemind. What will you do when you destroy everything in the universe?"
"That's simple, I'll just watch tons of Flood porn."
"Wow, I was not expecting that."
To see the entire interview, tune in to Fox Reality Channel at 3:00 in the morning.
There are several ways to prevent AIDS. However, the only one that is safe, practical, and effective is the first one.
- Be a Grunt or be born with Gruntiness
- Inject yourself with gruntiness
- Eat a grunt
- Pull out...of the battle, when you see AIDS aproaching. What did you think when I said pull out?
- Put on a full body condom
- Use a boomstick and impale you anus hole with it
- Lose the game while breathing manually. See? Now you're cured!
There are only 7,000,000 cures for AIDS; Bullets, having sex with a hotdog, being a Grunt, Eating a grunt, Drinking grunt blood, drinking grunt piss, blending a grunt and eating it, faceraping a grunt, getting faceraped by a grunt, having SWAG, or having Gruntiness.
|Popcorn | Man Huggers | Soccer balls | Stalks-Miranda-a-lot | More annoying than a jackhole | Flood Version of Yo Mama | Badass Mofo Flood ||