343 Guilty Spark (Monitor)
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Dadammmmmmmmm, oh hello. I am a dumbass!! Hahahaha!
- — 343 guilty spark
343 Guilty Spark is a floating lightbulb that backstabs you in every game...although, both times, you were kinda trying to blow up his toy hoola-hoop, so in a way, you're the backstabber. He can also be known as "Eyeball 3000" but if he hears you say that, he'll set some freaky floaty gun guys on you. Shame, it's a nice name. 343 Guilty Spark spends most of his time floating around and humming, otherwise known as annoying the crap outta Master Chief and many other Halo characters. He likes to Hula-hoop a lot and so he tries anything to protect his shiny new Hula-hoops. At one point, Spark became criminally insane on Alpha Hoola-hoop trying to destroy the Aids. He was destroyed when Avery Johnson's badassness deflected his penis ray on the second Alpha-hoop.
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[edit] Personality
Sparky was built by the Forerunners in their attempt to build those cool looking cameras from Half-Life 2, which created the Monitors. Sparky was inquisitive as a young Data Chip, constantly roaming the Internet for porn, though he did have a great fear of the Arabic numeral 2. Eventually when he was 21, Sparky was kicked out of his parents' place and found a job looking after Installation 04 (also called Alpha Onion Ring) where he would rise through the ranks over millenia, from Waterboy for the Sentinel team, to the leading AI. He dislikes AIDs. He is also extremly racist, seen on alpha Onion Ring teh fourth when he melts sergent johnson because johnson tries to use his Onion Ring. He then found enightenment when he briefly turned to Islam. After being sh*tted on by Islam he blew up Iran and raped Hussein. His awesome powers of doing absolutely nothing has made him a fun target to attempt to kill over the year, but hios own super badassness kicks fucking amrine and Arbiter ass (Spartans all know the way to kill him is to tell him a porno website he doesnt already know)
[edit] History
343 Guilty Spark has a thing for ticking people off, as shown when at the Book Store he left the Master Thief for no reason, leaving him to fight off thousands of AIDS.
It all started long ago on an island of noobs, knaves, and fags. There 343 Guilty Spark was raised by a pack of zombie, cannibal, robots of death. He soon began to piss people off with his odd voice. It sounded like Homer Simpson raping a hamster with sounds of hoodlums running from da po po in the background, also when I was a child my dad thought that he was a woman from his voice. He has this sex-ray pregnates all women he hits with it but it doesn't work with men(it kills them)and certainly not with n00bs. It was almost comparable to the Gravemind moment (wow he had anger issues) or an episode of Cops. For his odd voice he was condemned to protect installation 04 from the Flood, Covenant, Master Chief, Pie, and any other wild things Bungie could piss forth. He was actually quite successfull in his work, he protected the installation from all... that was until HereticChief|the n00b]] came in and ruined 343's killing spree.
Then 343 Guilty Spark was blown into space where a bunch of god-hating atheists found him floating. Soon they revived him and Spark vowed revenge against Master Chief.
He read How to Kill that Guy who Pissed you off a lot as a Kid and 343 Guilty Spark even had subscriptions to How to Get Ripped Fast! along with What the f%** Today.
When Master Chief and 343 Guilty Spark did meet again, 343 decided to play him and act like a good guy. When the Chief wasn't ready, Arbiturd was outside being a knave(n00b), and Sgt. Johnson was activating Halo, 343 Guilty Spark took his sex-ray and tried to pregnate poor Avery Johnson. Then he had an ultimate battle with Chief and got pwnd.It is believed that Guilty Spark is such an asshole because in his development the Genital installation program failed which ultimatley meant he had to go around with no ballz for the rest of his life
[edit] Known Victims of his Sex-Ray
- Johnson
- His bitch
- Micheal Jackson(it was a prototype then but it made him develop Stolkholm's)
- Flipyap
- Rihanna
- Yo Mama
- Linda 096
- A lot of AIDs in Alpha onion rings
- MUSCULUS
- The Testicle Chins of Haters
- Susan Boyle- Boy was THAT a mistake!
[edit] How he got PWNED
BREAKING NEWS: Remnants of Spark's shell were found in a sheered-off segment of Installation 04. The main cause of death: a massive orgy, caused by a big, green wanna-be Godzilla in forest-green armor. If you see him, report directly to us at address removed due to privacy as soon as possible. D'Wolfff Blikksoon reporting for Elite News Channel 7.In other words dont piss off a spartan.
[edit] Trivia
He is the cousin of Jar-Jar binks, but you already knew that because of their equal level of annoyingness
