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032 Mendicant Bias

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For those born without a sense of humour, Halopedia has an article on 032 Mendicant Bias.
Cquote1OMG you stupid moronz. You guys are so retarded.Cquote2
— Mendicant Bias to the Prophets
Cquote1Oh please! Those Forerunners a like oh so totally nubs ;)Cquote2
— Mendicant Bias on the Forerunners

The story of Mendicant Biased takes place back in the day in the time of before Halo stuff. In that time, the Assholes that started all this crap were at war with the Gravemind and his AIDS army over who will control the universe. I have no idea of the year, but, somewhere between 1,000,000 B.H.(Before Halo) and now, 2011, those Forerunners were getting their asses whipped. Gravemind was just too awesome to fight and the Flood gained the lead. To stop these mother frackerz, the Forerunners created a new lightbulb, Mendicant Bias. His job was to hunt down and kill Gravemind and he will receive a thousand dollars for a reward. He couldn't say no to that due to his unmatched laziness.

Contact with Gravemind Edit

Mendicant Bias found Gravemind somehow and challenged him to a duel after he slapped him. But Gravemind wanted to have a conversation since no one wants to talk to him. Mendicant decided to play along till Gravemind slipped up. Instead, Gravemind brainwashed Mendicant by claiming the Forerunners were a race of suicidal assholes that supported the designated driver program. Mendicant was pissed when he found out the Forerunners were gonna blow everyone up with the Hula Hoop for no real reason. He than turned on his masters and joined Gravemind as his whore.

Attack on the Maginot Sphere Edit

Mendicant created a fleet of Star Trek ships crewed by the Flood and Ubers to attack the Forerunners who were hiding behind a wall of ships called the Maginot Sphere. Mendicant wanted to destroy the Hula Hoops so he can have a real purpose, but he failed. The Forerunners did the Hula Hoops and all life died.

Capture by the Covenant Edit

Later on, after spending thousands of years just floating around in space and bitching to himself, Mendicant was captured by the Squid guys and was declared a holy relic. Mendicant was imprisoned aboard that ship in the middle of High Charity where he was constantly raped by Prophets and forced to bless the ages.

AWOL Edit

Truthiness told Mendicant that Humans were found and asked what he should do. Mendicant was in a deep depression that he had fucked up and wanted to make it all right. He said the Humans were the Forerunner's descendants and tried to blow up High Charity. While he was babbling a bunch of bullshit, the Hunters killed him. The Prophets were shocked outta their asses and decided to never tell anyone about what Mendicant said about Humans. The Prophets now use Mendicant as a TV to watch OnDemand and the Cleveland Show.

TriviaEdit

  • Mendicant is 343 Guilty Spark's insane brother.
  • He said we are Gods. WTF?
  • He controlled the Forerunner ship.
  • Hunter worms killed him.
  • He broke out of 15 insane asylums.
  • He wrote "Truth is a dick" on the bathroom wall.

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